Hello Everyone - I haven't been posting much for some odd reason - I have been - I don't want to say happy but ok with everything - My divorce will be absolute on Wednesday - in Massachusetts that means that I have gone through the 120 days and hey I could get married if I wanted to .... imagine - some people do - OK so my WH is still doing who knows what with who knows who - but about two weeks ago after 1 year of therapy - it was like a lightbulb went off... I know that I didn't do this and I know that I cannot change this - I have to go on with my life - My therapist suggested that I have a party - invite all of my friends and have them each bring a single friend be it male or female - so I begin to think single and stop thinking married - you know after 15 years that is just not as easy... My girls 9 and 12 are doing ok - they know that our divorce will be final on Weds. my youngests doesn't want to be reminded but they also want me to be happy... I am not ready to find anyone else - but I would like to start going out and having a good time... This all started for me in October 2001 and basically I am going to start living again... I love my husband I always will - but who is now is a mystery to me... He has given up his children, his house and basically all of our friends.. All of you people here have been wonderful as have my friends and family... Tomorrow - I am going to refinance my house in my name only - I don't have to buy him out until my youngest graduates high school so that will be like 8 years.. But I am becoming independent and moving on finally --- I still remember those days of total desperation - but I will say they are few and far between - so as they all say it will get better ..... I hope finally I am on the road to recovery for me and my girls and I hope that someday I find true happiness.... And thank you all again for your support.... Mimi

mimi,

Good to hear from you and that you are doing well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We started this about the same time - Oct 01. I havn't even started the DV process yet, but have an apmt on the 31st with an attorney. Looks like I will file, as I think WH would go on like this for a loooooong time.

You sound so good. Acceptance will do that! I wish you the best! Something good that can come out of all this MB stuff, is that we learn what it takes to have a good relationship and we heal with the help of our MB friend so that we are ready(at some point) to truly move on with a clear concious.

(((((((((((((((((((mimi))))))))))))))))))))

D.

PS we missed you at the NE MB get together in NYC !

Hi maw - it is good to hear from you, I had been looking for some posts from you, wondering how it was going. Sounds like you are doing well and I'm so glad to hear that! Gives me hope for the future. Take care and keep posting when you can!

Hi maw64,

My divorce was final on January 6, and here is my post about what I did that day...a party didn't seem right for me, so maybe it isn't for you either. If not, something like this might appeal:

"Today we (a good girlfriend of mine and my kids) went to the beach, lunch, ferry rides and even dinner (BANG went the diet today, lol)and then we DID watch the sunset while the kids played in the water one last time. It was 35 degrees celcius here today, which is about 105 F. So we all got a little sunburned, but it was truly worth it.

There is something so calming about the water and something soooooooooo distracting about watching three kids have fun at the beach. It was the BEST thing I could have done, and I can honestly say that I did not dwell on the divorce very much at all. I was too busy enjoying myself and the kids and the company of my friend. (Who by the way is a girl I have known since I was a kid, but we lost track with each other for thirty YEARS, and found each other a couple of months ago through a schoolfriends site - and - she lives five minutes away from me!)

I never thought such a day could turn out so good for me. Right now, I really feel at peace. Accepting that I am no longer married is hard, but it is something I know I can do. Freeing and a relief on one hand, scary on the other."

Love and light,

Jacky

MAW - I think that it is just a excellent idea. The kids may be a bit nervous, but they will most likely be very happy to see the joy and elation in their mom's face to see her having fun again. Have a good time.

Willgetthruthis - did you have a good time at the NE get together??? Thank you so much for the hugs and I guess you are right acceptance may just be what I am experiencing because I am feeling very confident about my future... and I definately have a clear concious - Good luck to you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BrokenX3 - I have been reading your posts and every thing that you have been experiencing I can totally relate to - Like I said I love my husband I didn't want this to happen but he made that decision not me. And you know what for the first time in a long time I really am feeling like I am ok - and I will really be ok by myself... I will keep in touch..

Jacky - I am having the party on Friday night but it is a party to celebrate the ending of my marriage that makes me very sad - but I accept that I have no control over that - but I am celebrating the beginning of my new life... I love my friends, family and especially my children - Everyone has been so wonderful to me and they want to see me living again - so that is what I am choosing to do - yes everyday I miss my husband but he doesn't want me anymore - so I figure if I meet new people then I won't think about him as much and I will have moved on - Your day sounds wonderful - but here is is about 16 degrees f - so the beach is definately out... But I hope the best for you - I am sure we will be happy again someday .

And Lost in Space - thank you - I am really about you - and I will really keep you in my thoughts - and you are right my girls are happy when I am happy - Thank you all....

Don't think of it as... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but it is a party to celebrate the ending of my marriage that makes me very sad </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think of it as the celebration of new beginnings. I had a wonderful dinner party on Jan. 4th to celebrate 2003, and all the wonderful new friends I have made. (Only females invited - I still need to gather strength and heal myself before moving along).

One poster said her children were hurt that their parent "celebrated" the divorce, so make sure you explain it appropriately to your children.

Best of luck on the start of your new "empowered" life.

Newly - I read your post and thought oh I screwed up what I wrote - but after I wrote that about my marriage ending I did write that it is about new beginnings... And really that is what it is - My girls know that I am not happy about my divorce and I am definately not celebrating - I am just trying to meet new single girls - that are facing the same situations as me.... so I can make new friends... thank you for the support and I hope 2003 can be a better year - a healing year for all of us here.... Thanks again - Mimi

Ok - so today is Wednesday and I cannot believe that I really am truly divorced - I think if someone asked me my marital status right now I would probably say married - maybe that is just a habit - it is funny in this support group I go to they told me divorce just isn't a saying it is a way of life - So that is what I am in search of... My oldest daughter has a band concert tonite at school - now my exhusband is suppose to go but I am secretly hoping that he will forget because you know I just really don't want to see him - I might not be able to hold my tongue and just might come out with some flip remark - Like ok well we are divorced now - now tell me the truth about everything you have been lying to me about for the past 2 years - you know... I really truly am ok - I am 100% better than I ever thought I would be - at this point 6 months ago - I was a mess.... But I know that I deserve better and I will hopefully someday find it... In my heart I know that this is his loss... On a good note I went yesterday to try to refinance the house in my name only - and it is looking pretty good - then I will only have to buy him out in 8 years - thats it... so I am feeling good about that ... I am making it on my own... I will survive... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

mimi,

I will survive...

Makes me think of that song " I will survive..." There have been times when I sing that song LOUDLY then it makes me laugh cuz it dates me. (As my kids say, Mom, your getting OLD) Thnaks!!!!

You sound really good, and just keep that tonight as you go to the bank concert ....sing " I will survive" if it helps! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,

D.

PS: If you want to enjoy the beach, come visit me ... I live in the most beautiful part of Florida, that is still yet undiscovered! You can wear these - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Willgetthruthis, Wow beautiful sunny Florida that would be nice - I mean it is like 16 degrees here today... Yikes... I really will survive I know I will - I guess that I have just been dreading this day for so long because I think ok he has no reason to hold anything back - you know he has lied for so long maybe he will say ok - I have a girlfriend (the lady next door) and we are getting married - then I will freak - I know I will survive - I just need to really not see him - My kids are actually throwing around the possibility of going with him every other weekend instead of every Friday - which would be good because then I wouldn't have to see or hear about him every week - I think that I am going to use I will survive as my new theme son - and you are not old - old is a state of mind..... Thanks for posting and good luck to you also... Mimi

Good for you. New beginnings. A great idea. Great things are ahead of you Mimi!

I am so happy to see you're doing good. And read my other posts earlier about detachment comedy and hum "Macho Man" anytime you think about xH.

And remember, divorce doesn't define us. Not hardly. We are VIBRANT, COOL, SINGLE MOMS (AND SOME DADS HERE TOO) AND SINGLE IS ALL RIGHT WHEN YOU LIVE LIFE WELL.

And if you happen to see XH at the band thing, just keep humming "Macho Man" to yourself so you will keep a big smile on your face. Smiling makes them nervous as I have found. Makes them wonder what you're up to. And remember, smiling tonight will be something he wouldn't expect. I mean really, he probably thinks you're off grieving somewhere wearing sackcloth. I think you should smile and if he asks why you're so happy, tell him you're having a party friday night and that you're just a happy person. That is all and nuff said to him.

Anyway, smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> you are wonderful...You are freed now of carrying his cross and his burdens. Being free of adultery is like lifting a ten ton weight off your back. That's what it felt like for me when I filed. I am NOT RESPONSIBLE ANYMORE FOR HIM OR HIS ACTIONS OR STUPIDITY.

NPIG - Why Thank you - Smiling a definate must today you are right - and I definately will not even say anything about the divorce being final. But you are right - I am not responsible for any of his actions anymore he is on his own and I am also not going to help him anymore - He is gonna have to make it on his own... SINGLE - now that to me sometimes seems scary but I guess I should start thinking of it as a fun new word... Think of all of the new adventures I will be having... Thank you so much for taking the time to post to me - I know that you are having a tough time moneywise and hopefully the courts will straighten that duecey man out for you - and ok - Macho man - I can definately think about - actually at one of my kids dance recitals he actually danced with the other fathers to macho man it was actually quite comical - so I will try to picutre that .. It is his loss and I know that he is not as happy as he lets on - or that he thinks he is gonna be.. I have it all - he has nothing.... Oh Well - that was all his choice - I really truly am letting go... Thank you again... Good Luck to you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Mimi

(((((( maw64 ))))))

What a wonderful change in attitude I can read from you since I was last online regularly (it's been almost 2 months now - sigh!). You're doing GREAT girl! WOOHOO!!! And you're right, it IS your H's loss. Keep that in mind when you're moving on with your life if it gives you more umption in your gumption. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm sorry that it has come to a D, but at the same time, you're right, in that you need to be celebrating your new beginning.

Mine started the same day as yours (kind of). January 15th is when I moved into my new house with my boys (finally!). Isn't it nice to have someone to share comparible anniversaries with? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Keep on taking care of you, b/c you're doing an awesome job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

Topie25 - I am so glad that you are doing ok - I have been following - and I like the more umption in your gumption that is a good one - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - anyways - yes I have started my new beginning - I had a great party and I realize what wonderful friends that I have - and I had it out with my ex yesterday he is not happy that the girls come home and tell me everything - but you know if he would stop acting like a child himself - he would realize that his actions and lies and betrayal also happened to them - I am not sure where their relationship with their Dad is going but you know what it is also not my job to try and fix it so much - I am going to leave that up to him... From now on - I mean when your 9 year old asks you to delete his phone number - well you kind of get the message I guess... Anyways I am so happy for you and your boys - being safe in a new house - good luck to you - Mimi

I am at the beginning of the process, but I think that I, too, will have a party.. not a celebration, but as thanks to all of my friends who have supported me, no matter what they thought of my actions. Most of them didn't understand my insistence on giving my H multiple "chances", but they cared for me and supported me. And I owe them far more than I can repay. I plan to have a small ceremony ( G-d was there when I married, G-d needs to be there when I divorce) to mark my new beginning.


-almost50

Well Almost Fifty - I had a great party - it was really nice to spend the evening with all of my friends in my house - without my husband for the first time - and they were all ok with that - they were there because they cared about me and it was a wonderful feeling... Though the jello shots also helped out - some single people came - and my married friends - with and without their husbands - it was just nice to relax and not think about anything... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I highly recommend it - but then the next day life goes back to normal and of course - the roller coaster begins again at some point... But I will get through this little bump I have recently hit... I actually spent most of the eveing talking to a friend of mine that I had seen in like 2 years - his wife recently left him after being together for 17 years - so we had alot to talk about - I am hoping we can talk again - but I will see if he calls - if not then fine - but I figure I can help him somewhat and in turn he could help me - any kind of therapy any time is always appreciated.... So good luck to you and your party..... Mimi

maw64,

I was divorced in Nov-02. Found out about WW in 5/01. It's a long and winding journey that we are put through, but we must go forward. Plain and simple. We have a lot of people counting on us and we need to be there for them. I bought a condo and new furniture and time to start up again. I am not ready to date, but I am ready for new challanges. Remember - life is too short. I thought that my divorce day was going to be the worst day ever, it was not believe it or not.

Dino

hehehe...jello shots...I just knew we were kindred spirits!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Dino 09 - it is funny that it really wasn't the end of the world that divorce day....I think we will be ok it may take awhile...But I wish you luck...

Brokenx3 - yes I am sure we are kindred spirits... Jello shots are the only shot that I can do - -- I hope all is going well with you - Life can be such a tough time sometimes..... Hopefully we will all be the wiser for it...... Thanks for checking in....