Hello everyone, it has been awhile since I've been on the board. My final divorce hearing is coming up soon. My stbx is starting to work with me to settle some things out of court. Originally she has fought me every inch of the way for custody. She wants full and I want equal time. Well we have come a long was and we are much closer to settleing out of court to an equal time arangement. I am asking everyone to pray for my stbx wife and her attorney to put my children first and agree with an equal time arrangement.

Thank you

Sending prayers your way...

Prayers my brother, prayers.....

But I must remind you that equal is only a state of mind. You must weigh your risks based upon the facts of the case, the records of the lawyers, and the tendencies of the court. I settled for less than equal but have my children more then half. Had I gone to trial my chances were very slim in court system with the judge that would hear our case.......

Good Luck to you and I hope you are able to resolve this out of court. There are so many great fathers on this board.
I'm now in custody evaluations because H wants 50/50 (to avoid child support). I only hope the psyc will see that his parents are raising my children, not him.
The psyc said that 50/50 sounds good in theory, but isn't always workable. One of the work-arounds is to give the father extra time in the summer, when school schedules won't be disrupted. Keep an open mind, and review all of your options.
Full custody sounds good to parents (particularly for vengeful parents) but it really doesn't allow the parent to live their own life or to grow.
I've looked at many options. I hope you don't get to the psyc eval point. Write me if you need more ideas. mcelros@yahoo.com
Also, if you don't already have the following books, buy them:
Mom's House/Dad's House
Helping your children cope with divorce the Sandcastles way

I've been evaluated twice now. Once buy a private firm and the second by the state. Both times the the report came back in favor of equal time custody. Some of the things that were stated in the report were, both parents should be comended on the upbringing of such well adjusted children. The father has a definite bond with his daughters and they with him. We live a mile apart from each other. My girls love spending time with me. In my case anything less than equal time would be a crime. I'm not avoiding child support, I'm willing to pay more than required if that is what it takes to see my children. As far as settling out of court for less so as to not take a chance of getting less in court. I'm willing to do that. The only reason I would like to settle it out of court is this. If we can both reach an agreement that we are happy about instead of being forced to by a judge I feel that there will be much less resentment. As I said before please pray for my stbx and her attorney.

Thanks

The read that I got from the psyc was that the courts take these seriously, and if your wife is so far off from the recommendation, the judge will wonder what is wrong with her.

Good Luck to you. I know the close living situation is really necessary in 50/50 and that shows a great deal of committment on your part.
Our distance will be a minimum of 12 miles, to a probable of 25 miles, or a maximum of 35 miles. I'm moving closer to work and daycare, and he won't be able to keep the house (can't afford it). More reasons why 50/50 won't work in my case.

(((((((((STV)))))))))))

Not trying to weigh in heavier than needed or try to influence you in any way, but I would just like plant one more seed to make sure your bases are covered. I have no doubt that you are a great father and that anything less than 50/50 would be an injustice and just plain wrong. However, we are not talking about right and wrong, we are talking about reality. And with that I’ll share the “REALITY” of my case.

1. All of OUR friends thought that, I should have full custody with her having the typical dad visitation.

2. Our Judge was pro-woman.

3. Our Judge had NEVER ordered Joint/Shared Custody with no “primary caregiver” listed (which is what we settled out of court for) on any case where he had to make the decision. In fact in my state, it is extremely rare for a Judge to order this because it does require a continual working relationship with the parents and if they can’t agree on Custody then how can they agree on anything.

4. During the 1st year, though the children were only ordered/agreed to be with me 43% of the time, in reality they were with me 54%.

5. If my oldest makes it another year seeing her mom as much as she does now, I will be amazed. I foresee a custody hearing in the not so distant future.

I guess my point is that though I was in the right, had I not allowed some flexibility, then I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in now. Had I been totally focused on “today”, then I would have never seen the opportunity of “tomorrow”..

Best of luck and rest assured your family is in my prayers.

STV,

In my opinion, based on what you've said, 50/50 is applicable. I understand your reason for wanting to come to an amicable agreement on this, but don't beat a dead horse. Try talking to your W reasonably about this, if she's uncooperative, drop it and let it go to court. The psych evaluations indicate you're both good and fit parents. Your girls like spending time with you. Logistically, it works from a residency point of view. There is no reason for a judge to rule against 50/50. Don't trade being amicable for time with your girls.

My W wanted full custody, and basically dismissed the job I did as a father and my contributions to raising our daughter. She even told me once "mothers should get custody because that's the way it works". I knew that wasn't the case anymore and when we went to mediation, the mediator basically told us a judge could decide either way and strongly encouraged us to settle it ourselves because one of us would not be happy with the outcome. He must have got thru to her. We went home and reached an agreement in less than an hour, 50/50 shared custody across the board. That was 6 months ago and our daughter has adjusted wonderfully.

sad dad