Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 500
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 500
Hi all, recognize a lot of old timers and sadly, see a lot of new folks.

Had 'puter problems for a while, then got very busy with work, so happened to stop in and visit.

After 2 1/2 years, I am still not divorced, stbx has done nothing he was supposed to and life goes on. My daughter was set up as a victim of abuse, yet there still has been no arrest. He hasn't called the younger daughter in 2 months, not even at Christmas... yet he tries to act like he's father of the year.

Basically, the past few months have been pretty peaceful. It may be that we finally get this thing done at the end of the month, but I put no faith in the legal system at all anymore. STBX is adamant that I set aside the "stay away" order before he will stop fighting as he thinks it makes him look like a "bad guy". We all KNOW he is a bad guy. [Eek!]

Anyway, that added to tensions around the house, again. Pretty much am resigned to having to give in to him again, but will hold out as long as possible and make it known my fears.

Only hope that with all his fighting that he ends up paying for some of my attorney fees. It's nice to know that after all the threats of destroying me and having me crawl back to my parents with nothing, that I did manage to stay strong, that I kept the house, grew the business, and have dealt with the aftermath of children who had been abused and are angry and have sole custody of them.

After all this time, I think back on my first few posts on this forum, and I know I was a MESS (and that is putting it really lightly;))! The growth that happened in the ensuing months and years has been incredible, and this forum was one of the prime reasons I did manage to pull through.

I still have moments where it gets overwhelming, but do pretty good for the most part. I just want it done and over so that I don't have it hanging over my head, that the attorneys and their fees have been put away and I will be able to finally move on. Figure it is going to take me about 10 years to pay off all of damages, but knowing I can chip away at it and it will finally be DONE will be the best.

It's kind of cool... just turned 40 and I am living again. I realized that part of me had to die to stay in the situation I was in. I am finally believing in "me". Take care of yourselves; when all this drama ends, it's nice to take stock and say that you survived it all.

Lori:)

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
Lori, good for you! Sounds like you're doing great. Good luck getting things finalized. Amazing the blame they heap on us as their lives disintegrate.

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,043
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,043
Lori,

Ugh! I hate that you are still having a legal mess, but am so glad to hear that you are surviving and not letting the STBX pull you down.

I'm still contemplating the hows and whys of it all as I am still embroiled in the battle over the kids myself, but am learning day by day how much better off I and the kids are now than before.

May God be with you and your family and I hope for much happiness and healing and success in your future.

K

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
It's amazing how far we've all come on these boards. I filed 10 months ago, and I hope my D doesnt' take as long as yours.
My goal is to be D'd by the time I'm 40. I have less than 13 months.
I have friends that complain about being 40 and single, I am praying for it.
Stay strong. I hope you have a wonderful support system off these boards. Mine has been invaluable.

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
Lori,

Good to see your update!!! I'm sorry things still aren't final for you yet..

if you can don't drop the charges against this man for your daughters sake..they need to know there is justice for the abuse...

although something that you may consider if you haven't already...have the doctors verified the abuse? (I'm sure they have) if so you may see about your daughter pressing charges against him on her own...get with a child advocate of the court system and see what they say...that way he will not be able to use your restraining order to block the divorce proceedings anymore...Just something to consider..

Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 500
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 500
Thanks everyone! I feel pretty good about things.

Bits of the story that I didn't mention... just before STBX left he decided that I needed to replace my paid for vehicle with a leased one. Well... that lease came up and so I had to get a new vehicle. I paid dearly for ending the lease with the overmileage (which stbx knew would happen)... I had just gotten paid for a surprise contract job and so I got the truck I needed for my family, my work, and my hobbies (its one that will be here for 15 to 20 years). STBX is really angry and vindictive that I managed to keep the house and get on with my life. I learned to NOT answer any emails; he has had absolutely no contact with me for about 9 months.

STBX has done NOTHING he was supposed to in the mandatory settlement agreement. He has failed to sign the shares off in the corporation, he has failed to refinance the motorhome in his name only so I am no longer liable for it, he has not reimbursed me for his share of the out of pocket medical expenses for the kids (now up to $2000.00... he demanded the original bills/statements and I sent him copies of the cancelled checks and he still says it doesn't prove that I paid it), he failed to make an appointement with the counselor so that he might be able to have some visitation with the younger D, etc. He fought to have the equity money to be stored in an account instead of dispersed, then when he needed the money, fought to get it out and while he and his attorney were fighting numbers with my attorney, he went and took out his share. His attorney then never signed off the lien on my house and we had to fight to get him to do that 3 months later.

He just backed down on fighting to lessen child support payments (after costing me several sessions with a forensic accountant) and he wants me to drop the stay away order. The last things to do to finalize were that he was fighting about was child support, attorney fees and the stay away order. So child support is done, we are letting the judge decide attorney fees (and hoping that he sees who caused all the crap and finds accordingly), so the stay away order is the clincher. Since we FINALLY got an order with the appropriate language, stbx did stay away, but since he's been a good boy for about 6 months, the judge probably would not see fit to continue the order. I will make all the reservations I can be known, and then will probably drop it. At that time, the moment that stbx steps onto my property I will call the police and file for a full out restraining order. I still have the preceeding orders for no contact, and he has absolutely no reason to be anywhere around us.

Thorned Rose... we are still finding out what all happened to my daughter. It is like peeling off layers. The flags are all there, but it may be a long time, if ever, we learn the whole truth of what happened to her. In the meantime, I have the best counselor I can to help her out. She is a bully, both to me and her sister, and that has made it even more difficult as I need to be careful about leaving the two siblings together alone. If she hurts the younger D, I would be liable. Makes me wonder how the courts think we are supposed to actually try and make a living when we have all the rest of the stuff to tailor our schedules to. There is absolutely no way I could hold a "real" job with what went on the past 2.5 years; I am so thankful I was able to learn to run and build a business on my own (well, with some good mentors along the way). [Smile]

I feel good... yeah, I need to work on a few things, but overall, I have grown so much and I think I have faith in myself finally. I knew enough to pull away from a relationship last year that wasn't heading anywhere and still remain friends. I know I won't just idly sit back and let things I feel are unacceptable bury me. I won't stay in a relationship that is not a good one, I'm thinking of dating some again, but I am really too busy to care whether I do or not. I met a very nice guy recently and we will see where that goes, so far just phone calls and email, but we are planning to get together for a meal soon. The kids have taken it upon themselves to try and fix me up with a fireman [Wink] so it has been interesting, to say the least.

I feel good about being 40, feel like I went through enough to have my opinion counted. It's been good to be able to use my education and training in my business, although I am still a little shocked when I am referred to as an "expert". Why is it that women always seem to not be able to accept what they have worked for and deserve?

I feel good about being single, with 3 dogs and a cat on the bed at night, certainly am kept warm. One dog (the youngest)snores, the cat purrs loud enough to be heard one room over, one dog is 80 pounds and takes up a lot of space, so not missing much there. [Big Grin] Seriously, I have a pretty full life right now, and I'm just learning to try and balance it all. To add more to it would be too much to handle... see, I have learned!!! [Wink]

Writing a book, should be giving dogs a a bath and doing laundry. We have the weirdest weather right now in CA, so it is a great time to be outdoors, and I have gardening projects that need tending to. Oh, I have found that one of my favorite magazines (found it in doctor's office, then subscribed) was Oprah's O. It is uplifting and gives one hope when trying to rebuild oneself.

Lori [Smile]

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 505
G
gsd Offline
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 505
Hey girl!

I guess I got lost and wandered in here too. I thought I would post a reply to an "oldie." I am glad your frame of mind is so positive. I am sorry, however, that things are still the way they are. Even after all this time, I still marvel at the inadequacies of the human spirit. I agree with your statement though that when it is all over there IS a sense of accomplishment or success just for the survival....it is strengthening.

let me know how you are doign from time to time....

gsd
morristhecat72@hotmail.com


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 28 guests, and 43 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mwid, Shepherd, alg, Pelican89, SRL
71,672 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,526
Posts2,322,544
Members71,673
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5