Wife and I married 22 years. Last of 3 kids getting married.I'm 50 she's 43 and says she wants to stand on her own 2 feet.We seperated for 3 weeks 7 years ago, and didn't do counselling, she wasn't ready. I was too passive.She is moody and I would defer.Now shes not happy and wants to leave. Her best friend is a man we both know from her former job. He listens and doesn't judge she says. She is really a moral person that I don't believe has cheated, but is certainly having an emotional affair. Wants to stay but be free until daughters marriage in May. All in the last 6 weeks. Many problems but I actually see progress in talking some. Seems the nicer I am, the more we talk, but still wants to be free, but says we may be together later. I want her to stay and do marriage counselling, At least then we have tried. I am getting counsel on how to cope, but once is all and not again until next week. I dread the weekends.Does plan A work? I don't know how to deal with someone that is leaving, but not now, who loves me(she says) but not in love. Says she has always been daddys daughter, kids mother, my wife. Says she isn't sure what will make her happy, but she isn't happy.

22 years is a long time and perhaps you should listen to what your wife is saying. She needs to "find herself". My wife said the same thing, we were married just a year. She claimed that the restricting feeling of marriage made her realize that she has never doen things for herself and needs to find herself. Now she gone and i'm alone and hurt and angry. But your wife said that she needs to leave and said she may come back later. Be good to her, talk and talk and talk, let her know your there for her and support her goal and goals she doesn't yet know she has. Twenty two years is a long time and you should believe what your wife is saying and support her, thats true love. You also need to take care of yourself, build your self esteem. Start going to the gym, get a trainer and go often, get into new hobbies, clubs, groups, etc.. Don't stay home beating yourself up, I will eat you up. Good luck.

Tough situation!! I feel for you!

My xH told me 2 years ago this week that he wanted a divorce, but wouldn't move out til we changed bases. The military wouldn't pay for my things to be shipped back to my state of resident til August. I did not have money to do that on my own, asked xH to move out he wouldn't, so did the roomate thingy.

I should have done a better Plan A. I've said this many times, I wish I would have written down my Plan so I knew where it was I was headed.

It was very hard being his roomate, I did alot of things wrong out of anger, I stopped taking care of my xH like I had, he didn't want to be my H so why should I do things for him, laundry, prepare meals, spending family time together.

I guess I am saying read and re-read about Plan A, remember it is about you and not her. Write out your Plan A, so you can see when you reach a goal. You said she is having an EA, my xH too, the hardest kind, they don't have to be there to make them feel good or to storke them. But you are there make yourself the most appealing one. Sounds like perhaps she is having a midlife thing, this site has been passed around lots here but is worth the read.

Keep you chin up and don't allow yourself to be whiney or needy, stay strong, be appealing!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html

Domino,
Did you see the replies to a thread that NinaToo started on your behalf? If not, you may want to check out this link... Domino, new member needs help Since you didn't reply to any of them, I wasn't sure if you knew about it.

There is a LOT of helpful info available here on the MB site; and what you're going through is difficult. So many of us have been there(or still are). You'll find lots of support here.

I am trying plan A, but she says the friend is just that, and there is nothing there to give up. I am trying to make myself a better person with counselling, because I need to know that I have done everything I can, but sometimes I feel like the giver in me, is just about empty. I do know that I have been insecure for years and always thought I would be left alone. I need the counselling for me, then I'll worry about us. I have noticed, that she now sometimes initiates conversation about our problems, but the same solution comes out in the end. Has anyone ever come back from the edge of divorce?