I have recently asked my husband of 17 years for a separation. It has been a relationship of verbal and emotional abuse. We were in mc for 6 months this time. My kids were very upset at first but now they ask a few questions now and then, but still laugh and joke around. 13 girl 10 boy. He is looking for a place to move now. What I don't understand is. I really haven't loved him in such a long time. I sometimes feel relief that he will be leaving. Yet, one minute I am fine, and the next just don't know if I am strong enough. One minute I hope this smacks him upside the head and he gets it, and the next I want to run and never be with him again. I cry all the time on and off. I just feel so so deeply sad. I also know that I will NEVER let him hurt me like he has again. Will I ever feel better? Also, want an oppinion. It feels unfair that he is moving to an apartment and the kids and I are staying in the house. My daughter has said she feels bad for him. Would it be a wise move to get his place all set up when he moves. I don't work and could do it during the day while he was at work. She also is worried about him cooking and doing his laundry. What should I say to her?

Expect the tears to keep coming. You are now grieving the loss of your M. Buy the book "how to survive the loss of a love" It's very short, and you probably can't concentrate now anyway.
Keep reading the stuff on these boards to understand why you are at this point now.
Crying means that you are dealing with the feelings. While it seems extreme, its a major part of healing, and my IC said that I was doing great (when I was crying all the time).

Chances are you've stopped eating or are eating too much, due to the depression. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your children.

You may want to talk to your doctor to discuss ADs (antidepressants) to help you through this crisis (it truly is). ADs really help counter the mood swings.
You are officially getting better, because you are no longer in denial and have taken an action.
Congratulations.
You'll need to find out for yourself if you truly want the marriage to work, and if so, you'll find tools on this site. Read all you can to understand. I found books on tape extremely valuable as it was difficult to concentrate on reading when your eyes are always teary. Luckily HN/HN is also on tape.
RE: EA, have you read the book "the verbally abusive relationship" by patricia evans. It gives ways to counter E Abuse.
Either way good luck and you'll find support on these boards.

gave my x the choice me or MOW, he walked out that night for another man wife and family. I cried, lost 20 lbs. at times I wished he would just come home. But when I thought what he had done to me & our son I didnt want him. Dr. gave me a low grade muscle relaxer, it helped me get though the D hearing. I found peace after moving away from X home town & OW. It just came over me, I didnt even know when it happened. odd thing is that I cant seem to cry anymore. When something happens, something inside just kicks in. I know that everything will be alright. dont know if this is my mind trying to protect me or Ive finally lost it. You will get stronger, it will take time. If it would help your children feel better, ask H can you help him with the move. When it comes time for H to have the kids with him, cook something for all 3 to eat & send it along with them. It will take time, just remember that H is going though the same feelings as you.