2 diverse topics.
My computer broke on new years eve and I have had a hard time going without. Got a new laptop and am still fguring out how to use it, but its great to be back.

I went to a woman today for a informations session about divorce. She gave me tons of info and research to do and reccommends mediation with some lawyer consutlation at the end to save money, feel in control, and feel you have done everything. Did any one else do this? How did it go? It sounds like alot of work and at times I just wish it was over, but it also sounds empowering, like I could understand it and not feel I had wasted money or made bad decision without all the info. I thought our situation was simple, but now looking at it on paper, it doesnt look so simple, although its all finacial no children to consider.

I am afraid of having to deal with H who seems to think everything in his account is his, everything in mine is mine and the joint things can be devided. Maybe this is my lesson in life to learn to deal with conflict and to speak out for myself.

Anyone have experaince with this and how did it go?

We went to a mediator early on, but if one party is more powerful, it doesn't work. If each party is civil and wants to solve it in amicably, then mediation is a good choice, and you can do alot of the work yourselves, and just use the mediator when you are unable to come to an agreement on specific issues. The key here is that rather than going back and forth between attys, you pay one hourly fee, but get alot resolved in a short time. Compromise is key.

Good Luck, so far I've paid out $15,000 and am nowhere through the process.

LORA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey girl...you know what? you sound really good. i guess acceptance doesn't suck so bad does it? takes a long time, but you are really on the path.

Mediation ~vs~ a divorce atty? Is that what you're pondering?

Are you willing to do all the tough stuff yourself? Lora, you can be sorta passive...a people pleaser as you well know. You've already asked yourself if you're tough enough for the mediation process. I knew I wasn't.

I guess what I had going for me was that I knew that my ex husband would be paying all of my attorney fees in the end, so I didn't worry so much about that part. He was also a guilt ridden mess so I didn't have to fight him on who got what too much. I did have to compromise on some stuff that was pretty important to me, but it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

Lora, I just knew that I needed someone wiser and tougher that me to stand up for my rights. I had known the atty I worked with for years, and knew that he is an upstanding fellow who was not out to make a fortune on this thing, and he also knew when to calm me down and reign me in.

I know I go on.

The only mediation I went through with my ex-husband was regarding the kids...it was the only time I lost it in front of ex. The mediator really didn't do much, just tried to keep us on the subject and I was so raw and hurt that I could not sit there and be a grown up, so I started crying in her damn office and had to go to the bathroom and compose myself. My ex is a salesman and boy did he have the advantage in that situation. He was cool as a cucumber and I was a mess. I looked bad. She was probably telling him what a great guy he was while I was crying in the bathroom. He probably got her phone number (kidding).

Lora, my friend, some things in life are expensive as hell and worth every dime. There was no way I could have figured out all of the financial stuff and techinical stuff that went with the process.

This is the best advice I heard...go to a meeting for women recently divorced, like a support group. Look around...see who has the most expensive jewelery on. Get her lawyers name.

I will hope and pray for your strength. Lead with your head, not your heart.

Love always, allison

Thanks for telling of your experiance Newly. Sorry it has ben so long and difficult for you.

Allison,
I dont know, I think this is maybe my chance to work on some of those issues. I do feel like I need to gather information and then make a decision. Maybe its my chance to stand up for myself. I will take it step by step and consider a lawyer if I need to tho.