OK – It has been 3 ½ months since my DV was final. I actually am feeling pretty good. I like a lot of people on here have good and bad days but the good out weigh the bad.

Lots of stuff has happened since the end of September. Actually, lots has happened just in the last month. I have a closing on a condo that I bought for myself the beginning of February. Daughter had problems at school and so was unable to keep her resident assistant job so is living with my BGF and her H and is commuting to school 2 days a week. She starts a new job on Friday this week. When her BF was home for the holidays for leave from the service they became engaged. Think I handled it pretty well and they both agree that she needs to finish school before the wedding. Probably 2 years or more. We all know that a lot can happen in 2 years and if they can make it then it was meant to be. I just was hoping that she didn’t think that this was going to solve all her problems.

I haven’t spoken on the X since 12/30/02. Great way to start out a new year. We converse usually via e-mail but his account hasn’t been set up since he moved out of my area and about 20 miles from my place (Yea!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now I don’t worry about running into him or the OW in my neighborhood and can actually drive down the street where his apt. used to be and not think about him. When we spoke on the 30th, I was very angry with him and the fact that he wasn’t take responsibility for life insurance that was to be paid on 1/1/03. Told him that I was tired of being his babysitter and also tired of him not taking responsibility for his kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> When D had problems at school she also lost housing so we were going to have to come up with some dough so that she could continue to say at school. XH’s opinion was that we let her figure it out on her own and do nothing to help her. Now that it has financially been taken care of he actually asked her how school was going. Don’t know why the sudden interest but D was as surprised as I was that he actually showed interest at all. I told her this evening that I had nothing to say because my mom had always told me if I didn’t have anything nice to say then I shouldn’t say anything at all. We both laughed at that one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I actually have my first date on Saturday this week. This is my first date in 24 years and I have to tell you that I am pretty nervous and freaked out. This guy isn’t really my type but I figure that I have to get back out there sometime and we are double dating with another married couple so that will make it a little easier. Just unsure of how to let him know that I have just come out of a very bad experience and not ready to trust anyone yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have cut back to one Wellburtin pill a day and should be off of those by the end of next week. I haven’t been back to see my IC but I’m thinking it might not be a bad idea just to give her an update and maybe she can help me work through some of this anxiety.

X MIL called me about a week before xmas and asked if we could still have a relationship as she misses seeing me and the kids. I took the kids down on xmas evening and we spent a couple of hours with them. X MIL stated that XH doesn’t want anything to do with them and that she hasn’t heard from X since August. She didn’t know that DV was final, we had moved or any of the other stuff. She also stated that X FIL is so mad at XH that if something happens to XMIL he will not call XH (she has some physical problems). It was nice to get that relationship back. They have made mistakes in this relationship with X but I think that they know that and were willing to work on getting relationship back with him but X wasn’t. I guess another thing that is his loss, right?

Well, now that I have been so long winded, I hope this finds everyone else o.k. and just remember that you will have good and bad days and I still think of X and try and remember the good things that we had. I have my kids and friends and thank God for them every day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

IHABD, Thats a great post to see that you are doing well. Glad to hear that things have progressed and that you made strides.

It's true that there are good and bad days post-divorce and they will continue for sometime. I reflect on the bad days when they come and remind myself that I have to go through those in order to see the good days. Now as time has gone on the days are more good than bad.

It's good that you have begun a rebuild with XMIL and XFIL that will be good for the kids assuming of course that they are nice people.

It would be good for you to tackle the remaining anxiety with IC particularly if you are dropping the Anti-D's.

Hello Softman -
Thanks for those words of encouragement. Yes XMIL and XFIL are nice people. They were a part of my life for 24 years so naturally I feel some ties to them. Kids really need to have that connection now and I think it is helping both sides in that aspect. I think IL's know that they have made mistakes, but we all make mistakes, and they are still their Grandparents and X's Parents. Tried to tell XH this many times but he just couldn't seem to get it thorough his head.

This forum was a life saver for me some nights. I really haven't posted in a long time but I still lurk and see how everyone is doing. You never realize how many people are going through the same thing that you are. We are all in different stages and I only hope that those that are in the early stages get what they want and those that are in the post DV stage can move on with their lives and realize that you can't control that person that you were married to and you need to take care of yourself.

I plan on calling my IC tomm. and set up an appt. for the first part of next week. With all that has gone on in the past couple of months and the fact that I am now heading back into the dating scene after 24 years, I guess I just need a little reassurance that I'm doing o.k. and the right thing for me and my kids.

Everyone hang in there and take care of yourselves.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 22, 2003, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: I Had a Bad Dream ]</small>

AHABD, I haven't ever posted to you before, but your post struck a chord. I'm not yet DV'd but glad to hear you're doing so well. Good luck on the date! My H and I have been separated for 2 years and I started dating 6 months ago. Wasn't as scary as I anticipated after all these years!

I've been slowly pulling away from my STBX-MIL and FIL because of the upcoming DV. My FIL has said many times that "blood is thicker than water." I visited them a couple of days ago. SIL was there.

None of them has had any contact with WH in many months. Last time H saw his parents, he asked them for a large sum of $$ and when they refused,he became verbally abusive to them and left. He hates his sister and she hates him (long story, but more his fault than hers).

Last year, H did not acknowledge either of his parents birthdays, so I spent both birthdays with them. This year appears to be the same. By the time I left the other day, we'd made plans for all of us to get together on my MIL's birthday again this year. Her B'day isn't until St. Patrick's day, but no one's anticipating hearing from STBXH by then.

Sad for him, like your XH. I'm glad I can still have a relationship with them since they've been 2nd parents to me for the past 20 years.

IHadABadDream and LetsTry, I was glad to read your posts and encouraged by your stories.
I'm at the beginning of the D process, WH wants this not me, and I am just beginning to look ahead to life afterward. It's scary and some days I just can't deal. Others, I'm ready to tackle whatever! Guess it's all part of the wonderful roller coaster ride we've all been forced into. I too am apprehensive about meeting people and the whole dating scene, after so many years. But you two give me hope that things will be okay. Thanks!!

Hi IHABD,

It's been awhile... I'm glad to hear you and your daughter are doing well.

If your in touch with Free... tell her that I haven't been able to get off an email to her... due to the fact that my computer at home has been shot for quite awhile. I'm still in the process of upgrading it when I get some spare time.

The dating thing is different. I've been dating the same girl for about 3 months. It took awhile for me to get use to the fact that I'm single now... but it's not bad. In fact I'm starting to enjoy being single again.

Keep up the good work, and stay in touch when you get time.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hello All -
Well I lived through the date but sure am glad that it is over with. He is a very nice man but just didn't seem like we had much in common and I am wondering if I am really ready to get back into this thing or not. I had a good time but seems almost like I was in a dream (not good or bad).

At least I can figure out what I still need to work on before I go out on the next one. Luckily we had other people there so there was no pressure to try and carry a conversation the entire evening.

I was talking to a GF this afternoon and she said that we are so old school that we think that dating means that a guy wants to have a relationship with someone and its not just to find out about that person. I'm sure that part of that feeling is due to the fact that X and I were HS sweethearts and I really didn't date much before I married. I just need to rethink how to approach this dating thing I guess. Something else to talk with IC when I go and see her.

D asked me today how things went and I told her OK but I was glad that it was over. I told her that I didn't know if I was ready for this dating thing. She laughed and asked if the DV came up. I told her a little but didn't go into details. I also told her that I didn't think that was something that was material that should be discussed.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and an even better upcoming week.

Take care and hang in there.