I have only posted a messeage here once. I was back in 2001 when my XH first left me. He insisted he was not have an affair. I believed him, but have since learned that maybe I shouldn't. We have been divorced for a little over one year. In Feb. it will be 2 years since he first left. I found out last week that he remarried on 12/7/02 and his wife is 3 months pregnant. They had a still born child in June 2002. He and I were still sleeping with each other from the time he left in Feb. 01 until April 02. I never knew about another woman until last week. I am so hurt. I had been hoping and praying that there was still a chance for us to reconcile. I have not been on one date since left. I still love him deeply and if he called me today and told me he wanted to come home, I would be so happy. How sad is that? I feel like I am never going to get over him. I don't know what to do or what to think. I am devestated and I feel like I will never be happy. I am also guilty because I did not have a child with my XH. He always said he wanted children, but I was afraid and selfish. He works 6 days a week, 14-16 hour days. I did'nt want to raise a child by myself. We never had a serious conversation about children, but this was the main reason why he wanted a divorce. He told me he shouldn't have had to ask me to have his child. I just should have done it. We were married 7 years and together for 11 years. She must be everything I wasn't. How can he forget me and move on? I can't. I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry for not being up on all the abbreviations you guys use. Please pray for me.

Sadinsa...is that short for Sad in San Antonio? Just asking.

Anyway, sorry to hear you're going through this. My divorce was finalized around the same time your XH left.

At the time, I thought I would NEVER get over her. She had betrayed me, and I swore I would take her back no matter what. I couldn't imagine dating anyone else, and I thought that the one person I should have been with forever was gone, and I would never, ever be whole again.

Fast forward to today: I talked to my XW today for the first time in a few weeks. It was odd...I was talking to a person I couldn't live without just a couple of years ago...telling her how I was really hung up on this nurse I'm dating! So strange...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that NEVER is a big word. You may think that you'll NEVER get over him, or that you'll NEVER be happy, but NEVER is exactly as long or short as YOU decide it will be.

Does that make any sense?

On the subject of children: Do you think that you'd still be together if you had children? Or would those children have faced divorce at some point? If I were you (which I'm not, of course), I would be GLAD that you didn't have children with this guy! Someone who is willing to look outside his marriage at the drop of a hat might not be the best dad for your kids, don't you think?

On that front, you have NOTHING to feel "guilty" about. Stop beating yourself up, and stop thinking that you aren't worthy or can't move on to something better than what you had before. Hey, its HIS LOSS!

Thanks for the encouraging words cjack. By the way I am in San Antonio, TX.

The sane part of me realizes that at some point I will not be in love with him. At some point there will be less and less pain and heartache. I am so afraid that it will take 10 years or maybe more. I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I have been sad for 2 years. I feel like I am being punished. The sane part of me also knows that even if I had his child, he still probably would have found another reason to leave. I don't feel worthy of love right now. My self-esteem took a real serious blow when he left. People tell me I am attractive, but I think they are just saying that to be nice. I was feeling better about myself and the divorce and then when I found all this out it just set me back. I feel like I did when he first left. I guess I hadn't made as much progress as I thought. It helps to get this off my chest. Thanks again for responding. Good luck with your new life. Maybe I will get there one day too.

{{{{{sadinsa}}}}} (that's a hug <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

My H also left about two years ago, 12/00, and moved in with a much younger, married woman who worked for us in our business. I also continued to sleep with him until about the same time as you, May 2002, because he kept lying about her and promising to quit drinking and come home. We never had kids either because I couldn't (especially since, though he claimed to want kids, he wouldn't make the necessary effort when I went through fertility treatments).

It was good to read your post since, just tonight, I had a big setback after hearing some new information yesterday. I was feeling miserable that I will never feel the way about anyone else that I felt about him.

My self-esteem also took a nose dive and I also discounted when people gave me compliments. But I have dated, though it's probably too soon. I'm dating a man who became a friend when he and another woman friend and I began spending time together because we had all recently been "dumped." We laughingly referred to ourselves as the "broken hearts club."

It was great to hear from cjack that there's hope even when you think that there will never be anyone else.

You know what I don't understand? How can they be with someone else and forget about us? Did he ever really love me? It makes me sad to think that the whole 12 years we were together was a lie and a waste of my time. I had chances to move away and start a new life in another state like some of my best friends did, but I did'nt leave because I was in love and thought it was going to last forever. I am home alone (except for my 2 cats) on a Saturday night and he is somewhere with his new pregnant wife. It's all so unfair. I pray that each one of us has our hearts healed. I know my journey will be a long one because my stupid butt still loves this man who betrayed and hurt me. I just want to feel whole and feel true joy and happiness again before I die. Sorry I am so much of a sad sack, letstry. I hope you are having a better night than me. God bless.

Sad,
I know just how you feel. I sat home with my cat last night too. I'm not yet divorced, but have been dealing with his infidelity for a couple of years now and this is the end.

The thing that hurts the most is that I am so hurt, so able to remember the good times along with the bad, and he seems to be able to just shut me out like I never existed. Like our marriage meant notheing. It makes me feel insignificant and invisible and unworthy.

And then I find eveidence of him dating again even now and it hurts. I guess emotionally he seperated from me long before our physical seperation.

I dont know why I have such a hard time letting go. Maybe due to self esteem issue or childhood issues... but its not fair!

Anyway, just take it one step at a time and I guess eventually we will get there.