I'm divorced, over 2 years now. I believe that I have taken the time I needed to *deal* with the hand that was dealt to me, and I'm now ready to step into the dating pool.

Problem is, I don't know where to start. I'm a work-at-home mom and my friendships are very limited. I DONT want to do the bar scene and personal ads........well, not that either.

I know there is church, but not where I attend.

Any suggestions????

Hey bil-

One great place to start is with "Singe Parent" groups...they're all over the place. It's a perfect setting as you are in an informal group (rereredundant)setting where you can learn and grow with many people at one time. It's safe and the quality of people who partake tend to be grade "A" <<---cautious use of the letter...as they of course seek the group out for the same reasons,which speaks volumes of their character.

I should qualify this ivory tower image I've portrayed as you must be cautious in terms of demographics...search a few of them and find one that fits!

Godspeed
S

<small>[ January 23, 2003, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: Shakespeare ]</small>

I had a very good experience using match.com. I recommend it.

I'm not ready to date yet, but.
My divorce support group plans a great deal of social activities. Not for dating purposes, but just to get out in a safe group setting. I agree with the A characteristics of people drawn to the group, and its quite a broad cross section of people. And through the group, I've found people with whom I can socialize to get out of the house. I'm confident that I'll meet someone out somewhere, or through this wonderful group of new friends.
Other work friends have tried Toastmaster's Singles groups, or winetasting classes, etc.
I hope to join a gym and plan for that to also be a place to make new friends.
Good Luck, but you won't meet anyone staying at home, unless you are on the internet.
My friends have had great luck with Yahoo singles, but I'm certainly not ready for that yet.

I agree with WAT, www.match.com is great. There are many criteria that you can use to find matches (age group, area, divorced/never married, religion, have kids/want kids, education background, type of employment, interests, etc.).

What is also nice is that all corrspondence goes thru their website, so you don't have to give your email address out to a stranger. The website forwards any emails to your personal email discreetly.

sad dad

Do any of the local churches in your area have a Single Parents Sunday School Class? quite a few of them do here..and have some really wonderful people there..they have get togethers with and without kids..

What about the local grocery store? I know it sounds strange...but I know of one here that has a
REALLY nice looking DIVORCED manager...he and I joke around when I'm in there..I'm dating someone but I have a couple friends I'd love to fix him up with..LOL...

What about business associates? Most know your divorced, so what about asking some of them if they know of any eligible folks in your area..

What about other friends, do they know any other single's who they could introduce you to? maybe one of them could plan a get together..to introduce some of the other singles they know??

What about neighbors? Do they know any singles or divorced folks they work with?

If you let others know your looking to start dating again...they may have someone they would just "LOVE" to fix you up with...but if they don't know your interested in dating again...they could just be keeping silent..

I used an online agency, and a lot of fun it is too. I am corresponding via email with around 8 - 10 lovely ladies.

I have been divorced for 1-1/2 years, and not real sure about the dating thing yet, but i have had the same question. Where do you meet nice guys to date?????

For me this is almost year 2. I have found no end of really exciting guys out there!

In fact that's the door right now. The line get's soooooo long on Friday nights. I can't keep up!
Just little ole me and lots of really facinating, incredibly good-looking, loaded guys with NO ex-wives. They've just been pining for me!

Believe it or not!

But seriously folks! I have found quite a few guys wearing a suspicious gold band on the left hand really interested in me. Isn't that special!
What's with the gold band anyway?
The internet sites I viewed were just out of my league. All the guys I read about and viewed were 35-40, doctors,lawyers,dentists,LOADED, no ex-wives, and really good looking. Being the incredibly intelligent person that I am............I got kinda suspicious and said ya know I don't think their being completely honest there! So, now I get needy women, viagra, lubricant, chats, and plenty of XXXXXXXXX emails with subj lines that ,well frankly, I didn't know people could do things like that!
So, after that brief escapade, I looked around at Wednesday night bible study, and the Sunday Service. As my incredible good fortune would have it they are all TAKEN, over 75, under 30, and well..........

Thought about the single parent groups. But am afraid it will be a meat market.............and I certainly don't want to commisurate with perfect strangers about how "He done me wrong!"

Excuse me I have to go answer the door................again.................

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 03:49 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]</small>

Well now I feel like an internet dating failure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I did the Match.com thing, but in 4 months I only got a handful of e-mails, almost no replies to the e-mails I sent out, and a grand total of 2 dates that just didn't click!

Both of the "good things" that have happened were set up by friends. The wonderful woman I'm dating now will be moving out of state next month, so I'll be right back in the same lonely boat!

BILU, have you considered taking a class of some sort? I'm taking a stand-up comedy class at the Improv, and though I haven't met anyone to date, I have met a lot of new people. Hey, there's always the Home Depot classes on weekends!

There is now a venting princess in your midst.

(For those of you who don't know, I have a kingdom here - Caerlon. You can find the thread. Nothing serious there although Sauron is doubling as Senor Pancho Villa and is taking care of some xhs these days.)

I've been divorced for 4 years. After 18 months, I met a man through a personal ad. We dated for about 4 months. Apparently he couldn't handle a woman who would stand up for herself. I went out with Bachelor #2 once - met him courtesy of the same ad. I thought that date would never end. Never heard from him again. Blind date in a really public place and, if I had known from a distance that that was him, I would have turned and left before I got to him. Then there is Bachelor #3 - the diplomat - whom I met through a mutual acquaintance. Have been seeing him for 2 years. Long Distance Relationship - seeing him is like vacation - we have no plans for a future as a couple and no plans to end the relationship.

So, as for local men, let's see:

-wouldn't date 85% of the men I work with - although one has tried to take me out to lunch but he always asks the day of the lunch and I honestly have plans - besides, only one of the men I would consider going out with there has a full time job, the rest work there part time and probably couldnt' afford me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Before that I worked at a church. I met ministers and people coming in to see a counselor. Now, I believe in counseling, but these guys weren't what I was looking for.

-Went to school. Finished a 45 sem. hr. program in photography. There were 2 men there interested in me. One was 18 years younger than me and socially embryonic. The other had long fingernails, a big gut, and smoked. He also told me I had a nice body. But, after our night class together, I always walked out with some other women so he wouldn't try to walk out with me.

-Took a class in fencing, the type with foils/swords. All women except for one married man and his son, a married man with a pregnant wife, and a man 20 years younger than me.

-There are no single men at church. At least not my church. And if there were, they'd probably be 20 years younger than me.

-Worked in a card shop for a while. The only men you meet there are shopping for cards/gifts for wives/girlfriends.

-Have met no men at either child's school.

-Have met no men at grocery store.

-Met a not-yet divorced man at the library. Was talking to his son and found out dad still married. He did give me his phone number but he still had a wife. I had a problem with that.

-E-mailed a church with a large singles group. Asked to be put on their e-mail/mailing list. Never heard from them.

-Tried a divorce group once. They were all in pain. I had a long-after the divorce issue to deal with. Church where the group met didn't have their child-care for this group worked out and I only went once or twice. Was a DISASTER.

-Once exchanged several e-mails with someone through an on-line personal service. Quit hearing from him. Never met him. I really hate to pay for those services and give any more personal info to any organization than I have to. Don't like that idea.

So, despite the fact that I live in a city with a statistical population of 1.2 million people, I don't think there are any men here that I would have. At least, if they are here, they stay more holed up inside than do I.

Everyone is either too old or too young. There are no men in the 35-45 year old range. None. Zip. Nada. Nolo. None. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

But the Diplomat is a nice guy. I just wish he didn't live in a far kingdom. Boy, do I miss him most of the time.

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Hi Princess! Boy, that's soooo SUCKY! But don't give up hope - hey, if a 45-year OLD GOAT like me can find love online, I guess about anyone can - just give it some time. Don't try so hard, just be lighthearted, post a lot of personals ads and see what happens. Also, be sure to answer a lot of them - and believe me, you WILL get some results!!! Just give it time...
Your local scene sounds like the one I had in Farmersville, TX - YUK! Town has 2,600 peeps, 2 churches, and everybody knows everybody else - you know, the small-town rumour bit...
But it worked out for me in the end! It will for you too...
Harold

Sauron, I used to be 45 - you know, the dating scene looks no better and no worse than it did when I was 39. I suppose God just doesn't have it in His plans for me now.

I spend a lot of weekend nights lonely for human company. The diplomat's voice on the phone is music to me ears, my heart, my soul. But it's not a hug.

oh please not dating sites. That is part of what ruined my marriage in the first place. You end up with a bunch of lying pigs who are cheating on their signifigant others.--aka my stbx (who, according to his stupid personals, is already divorced --in actuality, nothing's been filed. Before we seperated, he was single.)

If you feel you must do it, go in with this in mind. And dont think asking them if theyre married will work b/c 90% of the time, they'll lie.

Cinderella, your post about all the people you've met in your area just depressed me! sheesh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

butilovu,

I think the more you get out, the more your chances will be you will run into the right guy, except for Cinderella hehe! Girl, you need to just stay in and stick with the diplomat.

I use to go to groceries stores, malls, and so forth not really looking around for single men, but lately I have.

So far, when I finally see someone that attracts me, I look at the left ring finger, and wah-law! the guy always has a ring on! Dang it! Some day that ring won't be there... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Although, I have decided to practice being more friendly with all strangers, men and women, so I won't be so shy when I meet a person I really want to talk to. By the way, I've never been that shy with people if I'm not attracted to them to begin with, it's the one I am attracted to I have trouble talking to, so I'm not sure my strategy is going to work, other than it seems like I am having more fun when I do go out and talk with people.

I am finding more ways to talk to them in these places, and surprisingly, they talk back and seem to enjoy it too.

Like for instance the climbing wall we now have at our mall, I will stop by and watch the kids climb, talk to a dad or mom whose kid is also climbing, say things like, "That kid is so fast, or your child is very fast. Watching them makes me want to have a go at it." Then there's the water massage table, I stop off there and talk to other observers.

As for match.com and yahoo personals, I have been there, I just can't seem to get into computer dating either. How do you determine from a picture whether you will be attracted to a person or not. For instance, Bruce Willis, he's not attractive to me if I just saw his picture and never got to know his personality, but extremely handsome when his personality and looks go together.

Good luck and take care,

ANNA

Just wanted relay a true story here. Just because you meet someone online don't mean you have a jump past normal human behavior and wont have problems and disappointments as meeting someone face to face or introduced to someone.

I know this lady who chatted online with a guy for 2 years and over the course of time they passed pictures, emails, etc.... flew here and there to see each other. Shortly after they got married it's been 4 years now since initial meeting time. They got married, no kids, the Hrecently lost his job, she's sick a lot and misses work and they're eyeing her on that, I overhear them argue about who's going to drive what car, not spending time with her side of the family, they're getting hammered financially now, a very down time.

She made mention recently if things didn't change she may have to do something. She was crying oneday and said "Where and when is this marriage bliss and fun suppose to happen" [Her first time marrying, she's 40] she said we fun and happiness when we were online, she said since we've been married in the same house there has been nothing but trials and heartache, deaths and accidents in his family, he's not working neither is he looking, he just sleeps allday and expects me to stay up all night then I come to work tired, we have no money and barely making it, I don't see why I married him, I may have been better off by myself, this is not what I asked for.

Another true story as recent as late 2002

A Dv'd guy placed his picture online, he made mention he had 5 kids and looking for a certain type of woman. A woman answered and they chatted for a few months then married. Everything was going great she was well taken care of, didn't have to work, she couldn't have kids so she felt she adopted 5 kids of her own. Oneday right after holidays the H was at work they were suppose to put up the christmas tree, everything was going great, he found his dream woman, he came home excited and not finding anyone, he reads a note she left and she took the kids to a sitters and packed the house up and left town all in a day. He was devasted to come home and find a empty house. After he found her hundreds of miles away back at her families house they talked and he pleaded with her why and to come back? she says no, She tells him she is not who she appears to be and the Online AD was an illusion and said she has a mental illness and couldn't pretend any longer, too much pressure, all this took place less than 1 year.

So its possible to meet someone and date but also possible to fall in love too. Just know who and what you may have to deal with, 2 new worlds coming together brings different aspects of life and some are not always peaches and cream. What looks and smell good as you gaze upon it may not always be good for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Anna2000:
<strong>How do you determine from a picture whether you will be attracted to a person or not. For instance, Bruce Willis, he's not attractive to me if I just saw his picture and never got to know his personality, but extremely handsome when his personality and looks go together.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what makes this any different from meeting someone in person?

And Epiph0ny, I think I'm on solid ground declaring that lying about one's marital status isn't a manifestation of computers or the internet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let's face it - scumbags are gonna be lying no matter what the interface. Rings slide on and off fingers and all sorts of other deceptions take place. Ya gotta be smart and wary.

To each his/her own, but what is really different about making initial contact via match.com or any other "dating service" - electronic or not - than doing it in the mall or leaning over the meat counter in the grocery store?

In fact, I postulate that reviewing the data about a person in their match.com (or other) profile gives a prospective suitor WAY more info upfront to evaluate their compatibility than chance meetings. Perhaps the only better way is to be introduced by a mutual friend whom you trust. You can tell a lot about a person simply from the way they express themselves in writing and by the simple facts they share in the poop sheet - photo or not. In my case, my current significant other whom I met via match.com intentionally DID NOT post a photo of herself in favor of writing she was interested in a man "courageous and optimistic enough to contact a woman whose picture he hasn't seen." Anna, I was attracted to her specifically because I COULDN'T see her - the substance instead of the wrapper prevailed. In that she turned out to be truly beautiful was a bonus.

My point is that one shouldn't be too quick to poo poo any one method of meeting people for reasons that apply to all of them. The meeting mechanism is simply the tool that brought two shoppers together for the first personal interaction. Once this occurs, it's all the same game.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Anna2000:
<strong>How do you determine from a picture whether you will be attracted to a person or not. For instance, Bruce Willis, he's not attractive to me if I just saw his picture and never got to know his personality, but extremely handsome when his personality and looks go together.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what makes this any different from meeting someone in person?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Worthatry,

I see what you are saying too, but I can tell a lot more whether an attraction will be there when I meet a person in person for 5 minutes, than spending all day reading about them on the net. People type, edit and retype those bios. Most sound alike...love the outdoors, love romance, love cuddling, will spoil you (uh huh)....I know there are romantic guys out there, but not that many!

When I meet a guy, I can see the a way a man carries himself, a way he looks at me, a way he talks....it's just obvious...HOWEVER, sometimes if I get to know him better and find he's just not a nice guy or not much in common, those attractions I first felt will dwindle away or vice versa, get to know him better and the attraction is more obvious and stronger.

But, if I meet a guy and there's 0 attraction due to the way he carries himself and talks, more than likely there will always be 0 attraction.

I know what you are saying about wearing a wedding ring also. That doesn't determine whether they are really available or not. However, those that do have one on, I know for sure they are not. Those who don't, I would proceed with caution.

AND boy! All these horror stories about people faking who they are really concerns me!

I can tell you too, the thing that turns me off the most on those match.com's are men who have their shirt off in a picture. I do not want to see any guy's chest before I get to know them in person. It is such a turn off!

I also read a bio yesterday that said, "Your past does not matter to me, just the future we share." Okay, as I was thinking about this, I thought, 1. What does this guy have in his past? I could hear him now, "I don't want to hear about your past, so why do you want to hear about mine, let's just start fresh...." uh huh...and then of course I couldn't help wonder if he cheated on his wife and doesn't want to bring it up or let's say nothing has happened in his past and he really doesn't care about yours. Does that mean he doesn't care if you cheated on your ex? Doesn't your past have a lot to do with molding you in to the person you are today? I want to know about the guy I am dating, past and future.

c'ya'll,

ANNA

<small>[ January 26, 2003, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

Butiloveu, I think it's great that you're ready to step into the dating pool! The preceding suggestions are all good. I wanted to jump in (I registered today) with something to say as well about online dating. Like Worthatry, Sad Dad, and Sauron, I had a great experience with Match.com. I'm piping up because, in fact, I believe I've met the love of my life on Match.com! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (Yes--someone, someday, will think of you that way again!) Actually, my thanks go out to Worthatry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> who didn't give up writing to me!

Without knowing much about you, just knowing that you're a work-at-home mom tells me that you have an entrepreneurial spirit; that will carry you a long way on your venture toward finding a lifelong love.

Sad Dad described well how easy it is to outline your online search profile. I recommend you search only your local area, within a reasonable commute because of your many current obligations. I also wouldn't recommend getting into lengthy online "chatting" with anyone by sending back and forth countless emails. For heaven's sake--the point is to MEET people (i.e. in person!) Besides, aren't you looking for someone with enough courage (and maybe resources?) to do that sooner, rather than later?

I agree with earlier comments--you can't always judge a book by its cover, so don't underestimate how much you may have in common with someone whose picture doesn't initially meet your "vision" of a great-looking guy. Looks are no indication of a person's capacity for intimacy, commitment, caring and mutual respect.

Also online, you will be able to locate the nearest Parents Without Partners group. You might also want to consider an area "single volunteers" group--these groups tend to attract very responsible people. And yes, the grocery store IS a possibility--you just have to be prepared to SAY something about vegetables, cheese, meat, seafood...it's not difficult!

I'm guessing that what you work with at home is something that you're passionate about...if not, think about what you ARE passionate about. Is there a group in the area with a similar passion that you can join? If you're willing to relocate, you can also attend an annual conference that brings people with that passion or interest together--these associations are easy to find on the Internet.

I wish you only the best...don't get discouraged if you kiss a couple of frogs along the way! Let us know how things work out!

<small>[ January 26, 2003, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: practicalfocus ]</small>