Every Wed. we are to pray and fast for one another. Every Weds we can check in and let everyone know we have prayed for the group. Prayer does mighty things and group prayer is even better.

Right now we are doing "POWER of a Praying Husband" for the men and "Power of a Praying Wife" for the ladies. You can use this as your prayer or have your own or combine them.

I think it will be great to see how God works in our lives and heals our marriages and us.

If you want to pray with us I will be more than happy to add your name to the list below.

Prayer Warriors who are praying and being prayed for: cajunky,Ezra, Willgetthruthis, Godisincontrol, Natasha79, JohnC, c++_guy, Wallace, relady, steadfast and committed, morriggs,lupolady, stillwaiting, Broken Hearted, PasDeDeux, hopeful_person,GinnyF, Not peachy in Ga, cry2much,SNL,LostAgain(Dave&April), Dodger, gloriachu, LoveNcare,JMF,WEN, NiteHawk, Absurd, LetSTry,AgainsttheWind,cemmerson, getting better,kellidiane,Terrified, BeeLee,idostylin, Resilient, thiscantbehappening, day by day, Jloves, broken x3, Sue with Hope, sunrise1, shepette, Malc, Faithfulwife, timbo-e,Angelia,FeelingAllAlone,broken_joe,dopey,awake

Prayers Answered: Lupolady(air conditioner),Steadfast(first string again),cry2much(sucessful surgery), Movingonwithlife(Wife coming home),WGTT(accepted into mentor program), betrayed and desparate (sucessful cancer surgery),Againstthewind(Got job), Free ( Marriage Restoration begun ), cajunky (wife not engaged & did something with family, told me she loved me), Stillwaiting(neice is o.k.)

Love in Christ
Cajunky

<small>[ January 23, 2003, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

I have a special prayer request this week because I know a lot of you who are BS are going through the same thing as my wife is going through. I would like for you to pray for my wife to let go of the hatred, bitterness, and resentment she has towards me. If she could somehow let this go and heal then I think she would want to seek counseling for our marriage or have a truelly changed heart about wanting to bring our family back together again. She is carrying this and I want to help her heal so so so so bad but I can't get in to help her. She doesn't even want to talk anything about me and her. She has been real cold and hard hearted this week and all I want to do is make her better and to serve her like a husband should do. There is no doubt in my mind that if we could somehow get rid of the hatred and start forgiving, whether it be through counseling or the power of God, then we would have a stronger marriage than before because of the fact I am a stonger different person.
Any advice would be appreciated.

I got this in my e-mail and thought I would share it this week. I sent it to my wife.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ME? FORGIVE MY SPOUSE?

Scripture to Read: I Peter 3:8-12
Ephesians 4:17-32

"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men
their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Matthew 6:12, 14-15

"Me? forgive my spouse? Look at what they have done? Look at what
they are still doing! What about my children, do they not have any
rights? What about our feelings? I wish my spouse could hurt as
much as we do! Look at my finances, my home, and look at me! I hurt
so much. When is this going to end? Me, forgive my spouse when they
keep sinning?" Does that sound like you, or a friend or co-worker?
How many times do you have to forgive your spouse for all that they
have done to you and to your family? Let's look at what the Lord
teaches us.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and ask, "Lord how many times shall I
forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, " I tell you, not seven times, but seventy- seven
times." Matthew 18:21-22

It is not easy to forgive people who are hurting you, causing you
pain, talking bad to you, or about you to others, cursing you, or
doing bad things to you and your children. The natural flesh would
want to speak ungodly words back to them or get even with them in
regard to all their evil accusation and threats. What should you do?
Let's read the Word of God and let's apply it to your life and to
your circumstances. What did Jesus do when this happened to Him?

"But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing
wrong, and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you
endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were
called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example,
that you should follow in his steps. "He committed no sin, and
no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled their insults
at him, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats.
Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself
bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins
and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned
to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." I Peter 2:20-25

What is unforgiveness? Unforgiveness is emotions that consists of
resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, anger and fear. These
emotions are in a person because of a transgression that has wounded
them psychologically or physically. Unforgiveness can consume your
heart like a cancer. It can destroy a person. You may know of a
loved one who has never forgiven someone else, and over time they have
become a very angry, bitter person.

Forgiveness is both an act and a process. It is like canceling a
debt. It takes only one to forgive. Forgiveness flows from a heart
that is transformed by having experienced God's love and forgiveness.
Realize that forgiveness is not letting the offender "off the hook,"
but an act of releasing the offender from your hook and onto God's
hook. Release each offense and the offender into the hands of God.
Choose every day to forgive your spouse and allow the Lord to take
over in your life and in theirs. Let go and let God deal with them
totatally.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to
one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave
you." Ephesians 4:31-32

"Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with
blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit
a blessing. For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must
keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He
must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are
attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against
those who do evil...But even if you should suffer for what is
right, you are blessed...It is better, if it is God's will, to
suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ died for
sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you
to God." I Peter 3:9-12,14,17-18

Each of you are being wounded, hurt, insulted, betrayed and rejected
by your spouse. That is the same person you made a vow with before
God to love "in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for
richer or poorer, till death do us part." When you got married, you
both should have made a love commitment forever. Often marriage is
not explained to the couple prior to the ceremony, and many couples do
not take pre-marital classes to learn about loving each other on good
days and on bad days--you need to love your spouse forever! You, like
us, did not know that the enemy is out to destroy every marriage.
You needed to learn how to protect your home and your marriage from
the darts of the evil one, and probably no one was teaching you.

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and
falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice
and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the
same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
Matthew 5:11-12

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Colossians 3:13

Today forgive your spouse and ask the Lord to change their heart,
as well as your own heart. You need to forgive them daily for
anything they are doing against you. You will be continuing this
principle and step even after your marriage is restored. So let's
start forgiving today! See what the Lord will do when you truly
forgive your spouse down deep in your heart!

"Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for them, for they do not
know what they are doing...." Luke 23:34

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your
sins." Mark 11:25-26
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love in Christ
Cajunky

<small>[ January 23, 2003, 11:37 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

Hi Cajunky, I have still got you two in my prayers, but something I have been dealing with made me think the same is happening with your W.
If she is going through an anger stage right now, that can be a positive sign. The devil is trying to convince her of all the negative stuff, that has happened in the past is still going to happen, but you and the Lord know different, if she is reacting angrily toward you, there is definately something stirring!
In the thread where I explained about my niece, my brother is verbally abusive and just freaks when I speak calmly to him, that I see as the devil through him, seeing Jesus in me. Praise God! If there is anykind of reaction then I know that he must be going through the thought process that there must be a God if he doesn't want to hear about one! Am I making sense?
I see a connection here, that is that the Holy Spirit must be working in your wifes life, or she wouldn't be fighting it, the devil doesn't want you two together again, because of the dynamite you will both be for the Lord and the marriages you will be able to help!!!!!
If there's anything I can do to help your situation, I will. If you wish me to email your W, I will. just email me and let me know. If I had a chance to help her to see the truth that would be awesome! In the meantime I will continue to pray.
God Bless, SW
By the way I had an awesome dream the other night I'll share it on the next link.

Here's something I'd like to share with you all about some dreams I had lately.
About 2 months ago within a week and a half, I dreamt of my husband 3 times ( I hardly ever dream of him) but in each of these dreams, every time I was about to actually speak with him or him with me, I would wake up. Two weeks ago, I went to bed and started to read a book which I usually do to get my mind to relax so I can sleep, well I was overcome with tears and missing my husband, I tell you it was wierd, I haven't missed him like that since he left, it was heart wrenching. So I asked the Lord what is this, and to calm me down, I open the Word, it fell open to Ezekiel 11, I read through it, and not sure of which verse, it said, "I will take your heart of stone and turn it into a heart of flesh" God is so good, as that was the same verse in Ezekiel 36:26 that the Lord gave me when all this began! So I prayed for him, and emailed some others to do the same. Now just two nights ago, I had another dream, a few days before my pastor had prayed for me and asked the Lord to give me a vision or dream or something to encourage me, as I was going through some other stuff at the time.
Well I dreamt that Bruce and I were going to remarry, but I felt scared, that he was distancing himself again. Although I didn't see him at this point in the dream, that is what I felt. The next morning(in the dream) I was thinking that I should call it off because he's not ready yet. He walked in the door with two other fellows and I went up to him, put my arms around his neck, whispered in his ear "I really love you" and he said to me, "I'm sorry for what I said, I had to get alone with God, I found Him in the wind." I then woke up. Wow, that is profound! If you remember some of my testimony, the Lord stopped the wind for me as a sign that He was going to restore our marriage.
I'm excited to see what is happening in my H's life, I just know the Lord is working on His heart! Praise the Lord!

Praise and Thanks Everyone

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have a special prayer request this week because I know a lot of you who are BS are going through the same thing as my wife is going through. I would like for you to pray for my wife to let go of the hatred, bitterness, and resentment she has towards me. If she could somehow let this go and heal then I think she would want to seek counseling for our marriage or have a truelly changed heart about wanting to bring our family back together again. She is carrying this and I want to help her heal so so so so bad but I can't get in to help her. She doesn't even want to talk anything about me and her. She has been real cold and hard hearted this week and all I want to do is make her better and to serve her like a husband should do. There is no doubt in my mind that if we could somehow get rid of the hatred and start forgiving, whether it be through counseling or the power of God, then we would have a stronger marriage than before because of the fact I am a stonger different person.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

It is so ironic Cajunky you took the words out of my mouth. I will pray for your marriage as well.
I'm going through a crisis right now with my Daughter and her Husband. I need a prayer request that my daughter heart, be soften remove the the spirit of adultry from there marriage satan has a hold on my daughter. I want satan to release her.
I know as we speak the Creator is doing just that.

My daughter has become very angry not loving not caring towards me and her husband. She having an affair, my grandchildren are being affected by her behavior. I was told she drinking alot driving hanging out with her girlfriens etc. I would like for the spirit of protection to surround my daughter and family. There initials are DBSB and children please add them to your prayer circle.

Also pray my H, MC has a change of heart he asked me to move on today, that really hurt. I have alot on my plate it seems the two people I love the most are inflicting pain from both ends. I'm responding to the both of them in a very angry way. Please pray the spirit of forgiveness surround us all. and give us all a change of heart.Remove the spirit of anger from us all PRAISE AND THANKGIVING.

just found out my daughter is moving out next month. Please pray for my family.I'm going through my anger about this whole situation mainly my situation. My H only tells me to move on when he has someone in his life he won't admitt to this. I know the pattern just please pray for my family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
<strong>
His Fatherhood:

Thoughts of failure and inadequacy are what causes many fathers to give up, leave, become overbearing from trying too hard, or develop a passive attitude and fade into the background of their children's lives. It can be especially overwhelming to a man who already feels like a failure in other areas.

The best way for a man to be a good father is yo get to know his heavenly Father and learns to imitate Him. The more time he spends in the Lord's presence, being transformed into His image, the better influence he will be when he spends time with his children. He will have a father's heart because he understands THE FATHER's heart. This can be difficult if your H didn't have a good relationship with his earthly father. The way a man relates to his dad will often affect how he relates to his Father God. If he was abandoned by him, he may fear being abandoned by God. If his father was distant or uncaring, he may see God as distant and uncaring. If he doubted his father's love, he may doubt his heavenly Father's love. If he is angry with his father, he may be angry with his Father God as well. Events of the past with regard to his own dad can serve as a barrier that keeps him from truly knowing the Father's love. This will carry over into his relationships with his children.

Pray that your H grows into a greater undertanding of his heavenly Father's love and be healed of any misconceptions he has in his heart and mind about it. Where his father has failed him and he has blamed God, as the Lord to heal that enormous hurt.

Men don't always realize how important they are to their children. They sometimes feel they are only there to provide materially for them. But the importance of a father's influence can never be underestimated. How he relates to his children will shape thier lives for bad or for good. It will always change his life forever, too. For if he fails as a father, he will always carry that sense of failure with him. If he succeeds, there will be no greater measure of success in his life.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
PRAYER:
Lord, teach (H's name) to be a good father. Where it was not modeled to him according to Your ways, heal those areas and help him to forgive his dad. Give him revelation of You and a hunger in his heart to really know You as his heavenly Father. Draw him close to spend time in Your presence so he can become more like You, and fully understand Your Father's heart of compassion and love towards him. Grow that same heart in him for his children. Help him to balance mercy, judgment, and instruction the way You do. Though You require obedience, You are quick to acknowledge a repentant heart. Make him that way, too. Show him when to discipline and how. Help him to see that he who loves his child disciplines him promptly. (Proverbs 13:24). May he never provoke his "children towrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).

Lord, I know we pass a spiritual inheritance to our children. Let the heritage he passes on be one rich in the fullness of Your Holy Spirit. Enable him to model clearly a walk of submission to Your laws. May he delight in his children and long to grow them up Your way. Being a good father is something he wants very much. I pray that You would give him the desire of his heart.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 17:6
Proverbs 3:12
Proverbs 29:17
II Corinthians 6:18

Malc wrote....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There initials are DBSB and children please add them to your prayer circle.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your not going to believe this but my wifes initals are DB and mine are SB. What a coincidence.

I am praying for your family. I know it must be tough right now but try and keep God at the center of all your decisions and thoughts.

STILL.....Another dream that you and husband are getting together. God does some really incredible things when we need it doesn't he. As the scripture says he will never leave us or forsake us.

Thanks for offering to E-mail my wife but I will let God airmail her through her thoughts and his talking to her. She knows lots of people are praying for us. In fact a lot of the singles department is praying for us as I have shared with them that I need their prayers in my stand for my marriage. Tonite at the superbowl party I had at least 5 men and woman come up and ask about things and tell me they are still praying.

Love in Christ
Cajunky

I have a praise that I want to share. The last couple of nites I have been at the singles christian coffee shop that our church has and the singles department is running. Last nite there was a man getting coffee and I struck up a conversation with him because I had never seen him before. I asked him how he was doing and he said not to good so I began to talk to him and he shared some stuff with me and I asked him if he wanted to pray right there for his problem and we did. I got to share some scripture with him and laid out how to get saved. I gave him my cell phone number and told him if he needed to talk, to call me, and I invited him to tonites superbowl party. He was on my mind all day so I ran some scripture stuff off that I had from rejoice ministies that I had about Faith, Perseverance, Obedience, Fear and Worry and I also looked scripture up about this and wrote it on a piece of paper. He showed up tonite and I got to share with him again and he huugged me real tight and said "Thank You so much. You don't know what you have done for me and how much this means to me". i invited him to church and he is suppose to meet me next sunday.

The head of the singles dept. came up to me tonite at the super bowl party and commented how I helped him and said " I have another project for you" and pointed me to a man who was hurting and needed someone to share with and someone to invite him to church. I did it with much success I am happy to report.

God is using me in such a mighty way right now. I feel honored but humbled because I know I couldn't do it without God in my life. I also know God can do anything including restoring my marriage.

Love in Christ
cajunky

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cajunky:
<strong>I have a special prayer request this week because I know a lot of you who are BS are going through the same thing as my wife is going through. I would like for you to pray for my wife to let go of the hatred, bitterness, and resentment she has towards me. If she could somehow let this go and heal then I think she would want to seek counseling for our marriage or have a truelly changed heart about wanting to bring our family back together again. She is carrying this and I want to help her heal so so so so bad but I can't get in to help her. She doesn't even want to talk anything about me and her. She has been real cold and hard hearted this week and all I want to do is make her better and to serve her like a husband should do. There is no doubt in my mind that if we could somehow get rid of the hatred and start forgiving, whether it be through counseling or the power of God, then we would have a stronger marriage than before because of the fact I am a stonger different person.
Any advice would be appreciated. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, cajunky, I hope I don't get spammed on this very spiritual thread, but I actually have something to say that you may not want to hear.

As you know, I am pretty much in your WIFE'S shoes, so I can pretty strongly identify with her reactions. I will speak 100% from my own experiences, here, but for me, my H's numerous EA's and internet infidelities killed a LOT of love in my heart for him. Now, I truly and wholeheartedly believe in my marriage vows, yet his actions have hurt me so bad that to risk anything anymore is just asking too much.

Unfortunately, what I hear happening is somehow through a miracle of God, you realized the error of your ways, you worked the 12 Steps on your own, and through the 12 Steps you found God and got yourself right with Him. For you, this is GREAT!! But by saying: "She doesn't even want to talk anything about me and her. She has been real cold and hard hearted this week and all I want to do is make her better and to serve her like a husband should do" what I hear is that you are telling her that YOUR way is the right way and that you don't care about what she needs in order to heal. You want her to talk about you and her, and she doesn't want to, but you persist in trying to talk to her! That communicates, "What you need does not matter to me. I want it my way and I want it now."

Cajunky, don't get me wrong. I know you are just anxious and excited--and that in no way do you intend to communicate this to your wife. But the thing is that you are. You are saying, "It's been long enough now...you should be able to trust me by now...how long are you going to punish me?" Well, this may be interpreted as a lack of understanding. Your wife processes decisions differently than you do, and every person's built-in timer is different.

I do know one thing: the greater the hurt, the longer the healing time. My guess (from my own experience) is that the hurt is GIGANTIC. Let me say that again...GIGANTIC. If your wife needs more time, she may not be communicating that she is holding onto bitterness and resentment...she is probably just trying to communicate that you don't fully understand the depths of her PAIN and she doesn't trust the relationship enough to commit herself to it again. My H frequently tells me, "I said I was sorry--just trust me!" and I know that deep-down, he does not understand that his infidelities and turning to other women and the internet DEVASTATED me...wiped me out...hurt me to the very core of my being until the foundation of who I am was damaged!

I'm sure you would agree that your EA's and infidelities of the past broke a great deal of trust in your relationship. Trust must be restored before your relationship can be reconstructed--the good news is that you can help your wife to recover from her injuries and you can rebuild trust by giving her plenty of time and space. She may be a tiny bit drawn to reconcile but speaking for myself, I feel sometimes as if I MUST resist because I can not bring myself to take that leap of faith and risk being hurt again--because if I am hurt one more time like that, some part of me WILL die. Cajunky, for your wife, that part of her that she was trying to protect MAY have died!! She may have taken "one more risk" and you hurt her one time more than she can bear. However, remember Phil. 4:6 "...be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."

In your attempt to win your wife back, you will score MAJOR points (major love bank deposits) by focusing on your wife's pain. She has probably been in ENORMOUS PAIN for a long time. I know that in my life, my H's infidelities have spanned 13 years or so--yet I'm supposed to "get over it" because he's been doing a little better for a few months! No way! Listen to her perceived pain instead of arguing or being defensive. I know this will be hard to do, but AGREE WITH HER rather than saying, "That's not how it happened" or "I never did that." Ask your wife to list the way you hurt her and disappointed her, how you may have neglected her or abused her, and how she felt unappreciated and unloved. This will be really valuable, because if she responds, it will pretty much give you a checklist from which to work.

Cajunky, right now your wife has a closed spirit, and I don't mean this spitefully, but who can blame her? She has a reason to be closed! But there are four things you can do that will help open her closed spirit:

1) Become soft and tender with her. Instead of closing your wife's spirit further by lecturing her about forgiving you, rack up love bank deposits by showing her tenderness. You may feel tenderness even right now, but if she seems to act as if she couldn't care less, just keep it up. (Gal. 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.")

2)Understand, as much as possible, what your wife has gone through. Through your words, show her that you understand how she might have felt. Repeat how awful it must have been, trying not to react defensively to what she says. A good rule of thumb is to listen to what is said; do not react to the words used.

3)Acknowledge that your wife is still hurting, then admit your mistake and seek forgiveness. Once again, I don't mean this meanly, but I bet your wife feels as if her spirit has been killed by the past infidelities. I know I feel that way. And BTW, seeking forgiveness does not mean, "Honey, I'm sorry--now can't you get over it?" It means thoughtfully considering all the ways you have emotionally injured your wife and asking her if she can find it in her heart to forgive you. If she DOES, do not interpret it as readiness to reconcile, otherwise your apology was just an act of manipulation. If she DOES NOT, tell her that you totally understand her reluctance and that you have obviously caused more pain than you realized. Oh--BTW, have you asked your children for forgiveness? or asked your in-laws to forgive you for the way you hurt their daughter? Just a thought!

4) Show GENUINE repentance. It's one thing to SAY that you're sorry or that you're committed to putting the family first; and it's quite another to give concrete EVIDENCE of your words.

Cajunky, I do not want you to feel as if I am "preaching" to you--or that I am preaching to the choir either. I just want you know what this is like from the wife's side. I'm telling you, a part of me dies every day that my H tries to pressure me into forgiving him when he hasn't done to the work to understand (and I mean, deep-down "I feel your Pain" kind of understanding) the massive damage that his affairs did to me. There were parts of me that were DESTROYED that I have had to rebuild from scratch...like feeling unattractive, unloved, unlovable, rejected for another, and on and on. Cajunky, I'm sure that there were things that she did that also hurt you quite a bit too--so don't get me wrong--but the hurt and pain that she suffered was more than a mere mortal can usually survive.

I would be so bold as to suggest that we not pray for your wife to let go of the hatred, bitterness and resentment...but rather, that we pray that you be willing to fully understand the pain that she is still feeling. I would suggest that we pray that you have God's assistance in doing the four things that will open your wife's closed spirit. And finally, I would suggest that we pray that God work in your wife's heart to soften it just enough to SEE (and accept) the new understanding that you are demonstrating to her. Frankly, though, I think what she really needs is for God to protect her heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Written lovingly and with great respect,

CJ

Faithfulwife....you are wrong on one point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, cajunky, I hope I don't get spammed on this very spiritual thread, but I actually have something to say that you may not want to hear.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You won't get spammed because I for one value your opinion in this matter because you are just who I need to talk to. I can learn what my wife is feeling and how I can help her.I have told everyone before that I truelly want all feedback (good or bad) because I don't know what the BS is going through or how the woman thinks about things. I am always wanting advice and I am more than willing to listen and use it.

I will respond more later but let me say that I truelly want to thank you for your response because it has shown me where I can better serve my wife and that although I thought I was doing things for my wife and I, it was only for me.

Thanks again faithfulwife.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

HER FUTURE

Jan. 29

The most profitable way to invest in the future is to pray. That way you can never lose. God promises to give us a future and a good reason to have hope, but we have to pray about it.(Jeremiah 29:11). Your prayers for your wifes future are an investment that is guaranteed to reap benefits for the rest of your lives together.

Woman can get very fearful about the future. If her fears get to the point where she's afraid she doesn't have a future worth living, she can become confused, overwhelmed, and hopeless. Only the truth of what God says about who she is and why she's here can set her free from all that.

God says that you wife is His child(John 1:12) and she will never be alone (Matthew 28:20) or forsaken (Hebrews 13:5). She will always be loved (John 15:9), and she will live a victorious life (Romans 8:37). And everything that happens in her life will work together for good(Romans 8:28). Pay for your wife to believe that the things God says about her future are true.

One of the most important things your wife needs for the future is the wisdom to get there. The perfect woman in the bible was filled with wisdom, but that doesn't happen without prayer(Proverbs 31:26).

PRAYER

Lord, I pray for (wifes name) to have total peace about the past, present, and future of her life. Give her a vision for her that makes her certain she is safe in your hands. Keep her, and the people she loves, protected from the plans of the evil one. Free her completely from the past so that nothing interferes with the future You have for her. Help her to see her future from Your perspective and not believe any lies of the enemy about it. may she trust Your promise that the plans You have for her are for good not evil, to give her a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). Give her confidence that the future is something she never has to fear.

Lord, I pray that You would give (wifes name) wisdom in all things. When she has to make any decision, I pray that You, Holy Spirit, will guide her. Give her wisdom in her work, travels, relationships, and finaces. Bless her with the discernment to distinguish the truth from the lie. May she have the contentment, longevitiy, enjoyment, vitality, riches, and happiness that Your Word dsyd sre there for those who find wisdom (Proverbs 3: 16-18). May she also find protection, grace, rest, freedom from fear, and confidence in You (Proverbs 3 21-26). Take my wife from glory to glory and strength to stength as she learns to depend on Your wisdom and not lean on her understanding.

<small>[ January 28, 2003, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

A small praise to offer up to the Lord:

My xw has been acting much more polite to me. I'm so thankful for this.

I said it was "small," but to me, it still seems like a miracle.

God bless all of you!

--Tim

cajunky

Ditto Faithfull wife.

answered prayer I found a "pre-owned" couch & love seat at a very reasonable price. The lady selling it said it was very expensive when new that she was mad at her husband at the time. She's now remarried <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> This search has been going on for several months - Thank you Lord!

D.

Hi Cajunky

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There initials are DBSB and children please add them to your prayer circle.

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Your not going to believe this but my wifes initals are DB and mine are SB. What a coincidence.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

My daughter initals are SB my soninlaw are DB what a co-incidents. I just pray all marriages are restored. I wasn't feeling in good spirits today but I'm better now.

All will be well. Cajunky can you e-mail me
phattodef1031@aol.com I need your advice with something personal.

Cajunky I have a question to ask you and LUP
Where you obsessed, with the OP wanting to see what they look like, trying to find any kind of information on them?

I see this is a big problem for me, I just want answers. I don't like what this have allowed me to become. I do know I need to vent about this obsession.

I see how H is so eager to help OW and OC. I get no type of support because, I have no children by him. I feel like my marriage to him is not import because of this factor.

People have told me since I have no children I should divorce. I here it on this site mainly.
That make me feel like my marriage wasn't important.

Hi,
Just an update. Things are still progressing well. I guess you could technically call this a marriage restoration, tho in my heart it is a new relationship. I have considered a lot of things. Working it out was not what I thought I would do after having reached what I considered the point of no return.

It took me many years of pain and heartache to get to the point of giving up. And I did give up. I didn't hate H or wish him bad, I just didn't have it in me to try any longer.He basically lost me and I think he knows it. He never moved out and we never divorced (except me, emotionally) but we are starting over.

By taking this route, I can honestly say I was able to let go of the past and all the pain. He knows I will never tolerate that type of lifestyle and abuse again but it is not an issue with me. I still don't feel madly in love or head over heels but I have gained a new respect for him.

Sometimes the transgressions are so many and so great that there is nothing the other other person can do to make up for them. This is where forgiveness comes into the picture.

I have forgiven him, but it is just easier for me to look at trying again as starting over. I'm giving him the same chance I would have given any new relationship. We are starting with a clean slate. I do have expectations and limitations on what is acceptable but that would be the same with any new relationship I would choose to have. And who is to say that someone different would have measured up any better.

He wanted to try again and even tho I wasn't sure about it in the beginning, we are both better people. For those of you who get discouraged, I had a heart of stone about us and I did pray for God to soften my heart if it was his will for us to work this out (all the time, hoping he wouldn't because I thought leaving would be easier).

My IC was totally shocked at the last meeting. She said she would have never thought I would ever give our marriage another try. I've told my H that I need him to be very patient with me while I work through the transition. My emotions were practically nonexsistent and I really didn't know how huge the wall was that I had built around myself over the years. Even tho I have forgiven my H the wall didn't automatically come down. I am tearing it down at a pace I feel safe with and have had to stop myself from the temptation to build it back at the least sign of trouble. I do trust my H now, but old habits are hard to break.

I also realize H is human and he may blow it again, I'm just saying that I will not let living in fear of this stifle what we are trying to do now.

So far, H has been very patient, kind and understanding. I don't feel the need to rehash old issues or need to know why any longer. I used to feel like he owed me something for the misery he caused, but to forgive is to release the debt.This may sound shallow or unrealistic to some but it is much deeper than I can adequately explain.

In a nutshell, things are going great! Thanks for the prayers... past, present and future.
Free

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MALC:
<strong> I have no children by him. I feel like my marriage to him is not import because of this factor.

People have told me since I have no children I should divorce. I here it on this site mainly.
That make me feel like my marriage wasn't important.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Malc,
Good to hear from you....

I would like to try to answer your ?, but it's probably not the answer you want to hear.....

For myself, H had pretty much told me about the "person" - woman he moved in with. I knew she was "large" - (300-400 lbs.).....that's all I needed to know (I'm size 10, and H had always LOVED my body). H had told me 1-2 years earlier that this was someone he "dated once a while ago - didn't work out." HUH?!?!?! I never got anymore out of him about it (he said this b/c SIL mentioned this person as someone trying to send him a message - THAT sent up red flags all over the place for me!!). Apparently, H's family continued to try to set up a meeting/plan to "help" H get out of his misery, until it worked.

If it "didn't work out" w/this person before - WHY oh, WHY did he go to her now?!?!?!?!? The best answer I can come up with (almost 2 years later), is that this was strictly an "exit A." Just a way for H to leave. A place to go. He is no longer there (at least I don't think so), he moved away within days of recieving the "final decree" paper. So this person wasn't an OP in the strictest sense (I'm sorry, I'm quite tired, and this is probably NOT making any sense). Just someone he "used" as an excuse to leave, cause he wanted to leave. He was bored, or in major MLC, or whatever his thought process was at the time. I'm still not sure. All he would ever share with me to try to make it clear to me was, quote: "I wasn't happy."

Answering more of your ?'s, it seems like info just "came to me." I mean, I would find stuff out without wanting to have it, or trying to have it. Someone would tell me something, or whatever like that.........does that make sense? I never wanted to know more cause - quite honestly, once you begin to KNOW stuff? You DO get obsessed!!! It's better NOT to know anything. It's more peaceful. Truly. I never obsessed about wanting to see her, or talk to her. I guess I was afraid of what I might do..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As far as children, I understand this, as I have no children w/DH either. So, sometimes satan comes in and starts telling me this WASN"T a "real" M, since we weren't united/blessed/one union (one flesh) since we never produced offspring together. And it is clear in the scriptures that this IS the main reason God instituted M. I still struggle with this one.

Finally, I agree with you about recieving advice! In fact, I really don't like hanging out here at D/D board, since there's a LOT of negative talk here. Many of the threads are very negative, and bashing of M, and reconciliation. I struggle to maintain my stand while reading here. This is why I'm not here very much. I like to lend my input to these "Restoration" threads, but I have to watch myself from getting pulled down by much of the talk on the threads on this board.

Hope this is what you meant. I really should just stay off the boards when I've had a hellish week like this one!

God Bless,

Hey, Caj,

I hope you read this. I have a ? for you.

Didn't you say you are in a western state?

Just wanted to say thanks for the opportunity to pray for everyone here tonight.

God's blessing on all of you.

Way to go Caj.

Lupolady, don't ever not post. Especially if yuo've had a hellish week. I need to know what I'm praying for.

Love in Christ.

S&C