last night, my wife told me she wants a divore.

I have never felt so much in all my life. I can't eat, I can't sleep.

She is starting a new job, and want's a new life. I am 31 years old and we've been married 5 years. She is my everything.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?
HOW DO I GET HER BACK?

We are still in the same house, and sleeping in different bedrooms. We have decided to sell the house, as she want's to be on her own.

We went to marriage counselling tonight, but she has an iron ring of Divorce around her...she will not let me in. I know I should not cry, but I can't help it when I see her...I fall apart, when she drills the "divorce" into me.

Where do I go from here?

Do I talk to her parents?
Do I talk to her friends?
Do I talk to her siblings?
Do I move out?

HELP ME PLEASE!

Walt,

I would say that you need to read through this entire site, there is so much information that will help you in dealing with what is going on in your life.

Read before you talk to anyone, you don't want to look needy to your wife.

You probably need to find out if there is an emotional or physical affair going on, this would tell alot into why she is saying that she wants a divorce.

You mention MC tonight, what was said there? Is she willing to keep going?

I suggest to most people to write out their plan A so that they have a map of where it is they are going and what they are doing for themselves at this time. Plan A is about you and making yourself a better person and more appealing to your spouse.

Come here ask questions, vent, cry, scream, holler whatever, some of us have already went through the pain that you are feeling that you are the only that has ever gone through, we've been there, done that!!! And have come out on the other side!!!

I would suggest posting also on GQII, there is a little bit more action and a wider range of people for input.

My two cents worth for the evening, take it or leave it, that is always your choice here!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Walt --

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry for your very understandable pain. I know how much this hurts. This board has been a life-saver to me and to so many others; we're passing it on now to you.

Consider posting this (copy and paste) on Just Found Out or General Questions II -- most of us hang out in certain forums according to our interests and needs. Dawn's right about the traffic.

She's already suggested the obvious source of this devastating news: an on-going A. People don't make life-altering statements like that out of the blue, and the most common reason is another person. What's the reason for her discontent? What's she unhappy about enough to want a D? What does she say? As difficult as this is, you need to do some digging and find out the truth.

The spouse wanting a D will look upon any contact with her parents, friends, or her siblings as attempts to undermine and end-run her feelings and choices = a big LB for her. I'm not certain you'll learn much and it may do more harm than good. Trying to amass a team of support around you made up of the spouse's family and friends often is counterproductive.

Do you move out? No! Unless the pain of daily contact becomes overwhelming, you want to stay put. If the main problem is an A, she should be the one to leave. Why would you leave when you don't want this in the first place?

You have to hang on. Know that you can get through this pain. Many of us have heard those exact same words, have felt that knife being buried deep and twisted, and are still hear to tell about it. You will be as well. Please post again and keep in touch with us. We're here for you...

Ammon

Thank you SO much for your empathy and advice...I feel better now... and after reading countless boards, I have decided to deal with it instead of breaking down...It has worked...

I'm going day by day now, and will keep you posted. I'm going to bed now...as I've had 6 hours of sleep in 3 days.

I now understand that I'll get through it...with or without her...but am worried I am experiencing this too fast (day 3)

Walt,

Sorry to see you here at MB's but you will get tremendous support.

Try and calm and look after yourself. In these early stages it is very easy to get very stressed.

No matter how you feel like, try and get decent food, drink (mo alcohol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) into you.

Go see your Doc and explain whats happening.

Try and focus on the fact that you don't have to rush. You are dealing with a sense of shock at the moment. These things take time to work out. So try and relax and say to yourself that you cannot sort everything out straight away.

Give us somemore detail on you, your Wife, any Other People involved and your situation. We can then use that to help some more.

Best Wishes Neil.