I plan to be active in the reform of Al. Al. has a new governor who is suppose to be a christian and has said he wanted changes. I will be writing him with my story. Below are the changes I would like to see.

Spousal protect act should be read by Judges when the lawyer gives them a copy. X was giving it to me half his retirment, Judge took it away. my old lawyer told me that Judge Brodgen was X dad friend. If it takes writing every military base in Al they need to know that Judges in Al dont care what the federal goverment says about x military retirement & D.

Judge should remove himself if friends & family friends are seen before him. It seems that lawyers dont want to ask him to remove himself because they wont win another case in his courtroom again.

state employees should pay what court orders them to pay for children in D. Escambia county AL doesnt enforce childsupport payment. X is a state employee who says his job protects him. I will be sending all my copies of Rx, Dr. Dental to Gov Riley. Let him see what this system is doing to the children of his state.

if someone complains on a state employee they should at least check it out. X friend & chief of police were made to resign, old gov was his friend gave them nice state jobs. All state employees should have back ground checks. X stole money while on duty, a police report was made on another man. X had already left dept. Chief of police was made to resign for coverups, it was kept quite. X & another officer from police dept jump ahead of other people who were on waiting list for state parole jobs because of a friend they had. This should not be allowed.

a big issue in Escambia County Al is woman have no rights, if you are a working mother you can loose the right for custody of your children.

If a person lies under oath he should not hold a state job. X told the D-court he live in Walnut hill fl & MOW was only a friend, then 5 days later bought a car with MOW using her home address in Century Fl as his home address, she gave a po box. We were still M at the time. I have a copy of their contact.

Changes are needed, Al is a poor state & wont get any better unless changes are made. If I can help at least one person its worth it. everyone should get a fair d hearing, it shouldnt matter if spouses were Cops, friends of judges.

m-17 1/2 yrs
c-13, 29, 8 gd
me-48, X-43
d-5-02

ow-32
c-3 under 11
m-10 yrs
d-6-02

First of all, let me introduce myself. I am refered to as "OW" by myfamily, aka together, aka misst, aka Trish. Now a few of your fellow MB's probably believe all the trash you have written over the last couple of years under your various names. However, I would like to set the record straight once and for all. I believe that this site has helped many people get through their trying times, however I am sure that they lived in the world of reality and not in a world of fantasy and lies. The one about the grandparents changing the number was a good one. When your son realizes that all he had to do was try to call it to find that it has never been changed, what are you going to say then??? YOU are the one who needs to think about what you are doing to your child. And yes I do share my children with my x during the month because they need both of their parents in their lives an equal amount of time. I love my children and they will always come first. And actually, I should thank you, because if it had not been for your persistance about "the A" that in truth never was, I probably would not have gone out with your X, and we would only have remained friends. I would like to see your "witness" of the alleged affair.??? Don't have one do you? And all these lies about who you know and getting a job is so bogus. Any EDUCATED person, as you have said you are not, would realize that in the real world everything you say can be either proved or disproved. Everything that has been done has been documented in the courts. SO, what are you going to do when your son grows up to find out you have been lying about his father to him and keeping him away from him.? He will know the truth one day, and just so you know, we have printed every posting you have written under all of your names on this website. They have also been sent to the attorneys and will be listed in evidence when contempt charges are filed against YOU. ie, moving without notice: calling on your way out of town on the cell phone is not a 90 day notice; not providing sufficient time with son as ordered by the courts: and the Sunday visitation was not X's idea, it was yours , and we also have all the messages on the answering machine of all the cancellations because Mom had something to do. Now, if anyone of the fellow MB's has followed your postings they would see the lies and contradictions posted. Now, marriage builders has been notified that these will be taken to court, and if you read your agreement when you registered you would know that your name will be disclosed to the courts. Also, can you say "identity theft?" And yes, you yourself proved it for us by posting that you yourself used our ss#s and that you also have a copy of my registration which does not have your name listed. Also, defamation of character, slander, liable, and other points can be proven. Now at first I thought just let you type and try to make yourself feel better, but it has came to the point of ridiculasy. I look forward to seeing you in the Florida Court system when you take your x back for more child support, which by the way is paid through the courts, and he is paying. Now, as far as the tuition and medical bills, he was paying the tuition as ordered, to your son's school that he was placed in upon your moving to Fl. However, you could not accept the fact that he was paying the school and not you. Therefore, you pulled him out of school and will not disclose where he is attending school now. We have a letter from the original school appologizing for your behavior due to the fact that your X had paid the tuition directly to the school. Can you say mental abuse? The courts can. On the medical, all you have to do is send the original or a copy of the bill to your X's mailing address and not his work as you do everything else addressed to the office and not him personally, and it will be taken care of. And by the by, we have a copy of the Christmas card which was enclosed with his gifts from his father and grandparents which you said wasn't sent. Did you know, being the Christian you are, that it is wrong to write x-mas? And one last thing, for you to be in such poor health and unable to work, you can certainly type alot in your condition, also paint the house and all the other things you had listed.

First of all my name was changed because I had moved twice & no longer with the old email address. My name is Patricia but I go by Trish, I have nothing to hide. let x show you the D-papers that the courts wrote our M was broken up by H personal relationship with a M nurse at Atmore Comm. Hospital. Our appeal is based on A not only with you but other woman, you were not the only one he was seeing. Who do you think gave me your name, address, home & cell phone numbers, email address, it was your lover. he wanted to leave you alone & be the H & father he was before the A, but you kept calling him at work, it was all about sex. If you need a copy of our D or appeals I will send you one. My sister hired the PI who found out about you & X buying a car before we were D. Our son told his dad he didnt want anything to do with him, X is having a hard accepting it. Why did X hide the engagement from his son? X knows how son feels about you, son has told him. X has lied to me for years with A he was having with you. Do you think he will tell you the truth. There was no Xmas card in the package to our son. Son opened it not me. Son called grandparents not me, I have not tried to call them. Ask them why they never came to see their grandson who lived 2 miles away but once a year. Why the Judge ruled grandfather unfit to be over dad life policies. In the tempory agreement son only wanted to see dad on sun. dad told son to leave it that way after getting joint. Why is X hiding behind you. X admitted to me that it was only oral sex he had with you. Why did Chief of Police tell me that X bragged about having sex with you to the other cops. Its in our court records, appeal records. I will gladly sit down with x, our son & let a honest judge in fl. decide what is truthful. I have a copy of the letter I gave X telling him we sold the house & will be moving, we made the move 4 months later. Did X show you the letter that he signed giving me all the money from the sale of our home? Thats why he couldnt ask for half of the money from the home on appeals. The only person you should be talking with is God. You broke up 2 families. YOu went after a M man, why you wanted him over your X, I will never understand. God will not let you be happy. Im not afraid of you or X. I believe in God & trust him. If X needs proof of my illness he can get them from my attorney she has dr. statements from my medicial records. Grow up little girl Ive been around a lot longer than you. Ive heard all kinds of stories why people cheat, lie, steal. You thought you were getting someone special but all you got was a thief & liar. MB is a good site for you & X to start seeing what pain you have cause both families. It may help you in your new M. Tell X to be a man quit hiding behind his women.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> God will not let you be happy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did God tell you this?

I have posted to you before about this, but I believe you will pay for the bitterness and hatred that you are promoting and encouraging in your son. I hope I am wrong, but the odds are definitely in that favor.

Hate, bitterness, revenge are sins just as adultery. Think about it.

I believe that God will not let two people who were M at the time of their affair have a happy life together. They have caused so much pain to the people they loved. Two famlies are broken. I believe in the ten commandments both have broken God commandments. this is what I believe in, no one can take this from me, not you or X. This is what our country is made up, different religions. I do not put down what other people believe in. If you believe in God or not its your choice. I do not judge you. My faith is what keeps me going. Without God I could not have made it through the D. If I make you feel uncomforable about talking about God, you should not read my post. God will always be with me. Our son is taught not to hate, you have not walked in our shoes. You do not know the pain this man has caused his child. We all want our WS to be a loving parent even after D. son will be 14 in April, he knows what dad told him about MOW. I dont know if you have children but my child has been through hell with his dad & OW. Maybe if X hadnt blamed OW for the A to his child. our son would weclome her into his life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I believe that God will not let two people who were M at the time of their affair have a happy life together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe you are 200% wrong on this. I believe he says that revenge is his. I can show you many many examples where a terrible person is reaping abundant rewards here on earth.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> . Our son is taught not to hate, you have not walked in our shoes. You do not know the pain this man has caused his child. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WRONG - I have been in those shoes. My parents are not divorced but they live separately and have done so for 26/27 years (I was in college). It was a family friend situation, and I think those are the worst affairs. Your betrayed by two people that you love.

But guess what - my mother went through the grieving and EVERYTHING else that comes with it and MOVED ON. Today, they still have their checking account together (with his and her balances) and he is at her house everyday. We celebrate with all the family there. I would like to say that the relationship they and we have today is the result of the way things were handled many years ago.

Yes there was anger, confrontations and all the works at the time. Pretty nasty and being an older kid I felt I was caught right in the middle. But they both CHOSE to get over that.

Another thing, I have no problem with God. I strongly believe in him and attend services regularly. But what I do have a problem with and I really try to watch myself on it. I feel if you are going to preach God this and God that then you should be doing it in a Christlike manner. Stealing, lying, murder,hate, tale-bearing and adultery are all sins with no one being worse than the next one. We as humans have assigned the rank to them. Therefore, hate is not better or worse than the next sin.

Based on nothing but your postings, I still feel that you are damaging your son as much as anyone. What healthy benefit do you get out of coming here and running your X, X family, OW down continually. I just don't see that there is anything in it to HELP YOU, and your posts have NOTHING BUT this in them. JMHO

I notice BEcontent that there are no affairs in your marriage so you are in NO position to comment on myfamily situation.

Your holier than thou attitude is just amazing it must be nice to have all the answers to be so perfect! Wow

Myfamily will work out her situation in her own time and in her own way. It's really incredibly insensitive to post to her the way you did. This is supposed to be a support board not a place for you to preach to her about the way things should be done according to the gospel of becontent! And you call yourself a christian!

Myfamily I would let the moderators know about your OW/H posting here.. This should be your safe place.

WOW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I notice BEcontent that there are no affairs in your marriage so you are in NO position to comment on myfamily situation.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">so according to you, Myfamily nor any of those struggling with infidelity and affairs could counsel with the Harley's. It has been pointed out that they have no affairs in their marriage. Also, I honestly do not remember signing anything to the effect that I would not post in situations involving affairs because I have not be involved in that situation. Believe me, I may not have one in my marriage but being the "referee" in my parents separation, I learned a lot.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And you call yourself a christian!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please point out out where I have called myself a Christian. I really try to refrain from doing so because I feel that once someone goes around proclaiming and announcing they are a Christian, they are measured by a higher standard. That is just how I feel about it. Doesn't demand perfection but definitely more than I can measure up to. I do try though. Does that count?

I promise I don't have an "I am a Christian" tatoo on my forehead nor do I have a bumper sticker/Jesus "fish" symbol on my car.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> about the way things should be done according to the gospel of becontent </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a Monday and I am a little lost (I don't usually find myself til Friday), but where did I tell her to do anything? Please point that out as well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is supposed to be a support board </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes it is not always support (it appears that some define that as validation) that people need. Sometimes they need a little proding to get up out of the muck and mire.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I agree with becontent,the bitterness my family has in her heart is as great a sin as adultery. The world has said that adultery and murder are greater but, not Jesus. WE are all sinners and have fallen short of God's glory. All sins can be forgiven. It doesn't matter if becontent has experience the pain of adultery or not. This is basic to the Jesus's teachings. It is not becontent's law or judgement. It is the truth. I will speak truth. I will not say things just to tickle the ears of those caught up in sin. I hope that others will speak truth according to God's word when I am caught up in my sin. Yes I have sin and deal with it everyday. Anyone who says he doesn't have sin, is a liar.

Adultery hurts, murder hurts, sin hurts. God is the only true and just judge. He will judge each of us. Becontent may not know the pain of adultery but I am sure becontent knows the pain of betrayal. Again, that doesn't matter.Christians are to restore each other gently. Sometimes we are not as gentle as we should be and God will convict us of it. The important part is that we all have our own sin and if our follow believers restore us then we should be glad that they love us enough to say so.We need to learn from our sin.

I pray that many here will realize this truth. We as humans cannot hold adultery or any sin higher than the other. If we do we are not giving our own sin the attention it needs.Well, we can hold adultery higher, but that is judging our and others sin. Judgement is God's .

Sin is sin.We need to look more at our own sin.Our sins are just as great.Bitterness will be passed on to our children the same as divorce.

Maybe God will not allow them to be happy in their marriage. Maybe it will end. That is up to God. If we do not forgive others then it will hurt us no one else because we are told to forgive. We do not have to trust them again but if we want to be forgiven then we must forgive.

I do hope this helps someone let go of some of their bitterness. What is the greatest commendment?

MK 12:28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

MK 12:29 "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: `Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 31 The second is this: `Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

In love,
gentle

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Ok, I'm bored with this thread and think it has taken on a new path, but myfamily I want to point out the quote below.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> the bitterness my family has in her heart </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've read other posts from you and I quite agree. You are bitter, and perhaps that is why you were put in the place you are in now. To work on your bitterness. It appears to me that you are still in the "blaming" stage of divorce. You can't get to recovery until you move beyond that stage. Blaming is not good for you, and certainly not good for your son. Please work through this issue of blaming, bitterness, anger or whatever you choose to call it. You can only change you, not XH or OW. Work on yourself.
Can we put this post to bed now?

I'm off to put this post to bed, but thank you to those that have expressed my point much more gently and graciously than I apparently did.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Can I ask an OT question before I go? I am going to anyway.

To call someone "clever" in this country is an insult.

Anybody know the answer. We are having a diversity game at work and this is one of the questions.

The choices are: US; Australia; Belgium; Japan; Mexico; Philippines; Poland; Russia; Singapore; Spain.

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: becontent ]</small>

Please remember that this bitterness myfamily displays is a NORMAL AND NATURAL part of thye grieving process....it usually goes under the heading of ANGER in the five stages of grief.

Having said that, OW, if it is you...leave this woman alone. You do not have the right to be here. Read the guidelines for being a member. People here are trying to SAVE their marriages. Go away.

Becontent, you are here to learn....perhaps you could learn a little compassion.

Kalgrl, sin or not, it is a NORMAL stage of grieving. Let her experien e it without having to feel GUILTY about it too.

Jacky

Myfamily,

I am sorry to see the extra hurt and pain inflicted here by the OW. Please allow me a few lines directed at Q2L.

Thanks.

Q2L,
You have come here for what beneficial purpose? To clear your name? To better your position? I shudder to think of your intentions. If you are doing good, then you have no need to defend yourself. If you are not, then you are wasting your time.

Am I being harsh with you? Well you are a young mother with a lot to learn. Which one of your children do you want to go through what you and your OM have put Myfamily and her family through? Pick which child and then groom her for the endless pain that will now be a permanent part of her life.

That is what you have done to Trish. Think next time before you go off 1/2 cocked trying so hard to defend yourself. Go live a clean life and then speak up.

Is Trish bitter? Yes. Wouldn't you be if your family was torn apart? You have an X, are you now wishing it on another? From your post, I wonder of your character and that is from your post not Trish.

You spoke of only being friends. You mean that Trish encouraged the A. Setup a meeting for you and the WS, arranged for the EA to blossom to a PA? Does it make you feel better to put the A blame on Trish? REally? If so, I truly question your reasoning ability.

Would you like to have others blame you for their wrong choices? If so, please give me your name and phone number. I know a few OP and Ws' who like to put their blame on anyone else but themselves. They are generally known as conflict avoiders...... is that what you are?

Now Q2L, go look in the mirror and really see if you can see the reflection you have given here. If you still like your choice, then live it but leave Trish alone. Let her X deal with her not you. If you don't like what you see, then go get some help.

This may sound a bit rough but it can be beneficial if you pay attention.

L.

MY VIEWS EXACTLY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please remember that this bitterness myfamily displays is a NORMAL AND NATURAL part of thye grieving process....it usually goes under the heading of ANGER in the five stages of grief.

Having said that, OW, if it is you...leave this woman alone. You do not have the right to be here. Read the guidelines for being a member. People here are trying to SAVE their marriages. Go away.

Becontent, you are here to learn....perhaps you could learn a little compassion.

Kalgrl, sin or not, it is a NORMAL stage of grieving. Let her experien e it without having to feel GUILTY about it too.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I have the same point of view as you NT.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myfamily,

I am sorry to see the extra hurt and pain inflicted here by the OW. Please allow me a few lines directed at Q2L.

Thanks.

Q2L,
You have come here for what beneficial purpose? To clear your name? To better your position? I shudder to think of your intentions. If you are doing good, then you have no need to defend yourself. If you are not, then you are wasting your time.

Am I being harsh with you? Well you are a young mother with a lot to learn. Which one of your children do you want to go through what you and your OM have put Myfamily and her family through? Pick which child and then groom her for the endless pain that will now be a permanent part of her life.

That is what you have done to Trish. Think next time before you go off 1/2 cocked trying so hard to defend yourself. Go live a clean life and then speak up.

Is Trish bitter? Yes. Wouldn't you be if your family was torn apart? You have an X, are you now wishing it on another? From your post, I wonder of your character and that is from your post not Trish.

You spoke of only being friends. You mean that Trish encouraged the A. Setup a meeting for you and the WS, arranged for the EA to blossom to a PA? Does it make you feel better to put the A blame on Trish? REally? If so, I truly question your reasoning ability.

Would you like to have others blame you for their wrong choices? If so, please give me your name and phone number. I know a few OP and Ws' who like to put their blame on anyone else but themselves. They are generally known as conflict avoiders...... is that what you are?

Now Q2L, go look in the mirror and really see if you can see the reflection you have given here. If you still like your choice, then live it but leave Trish alone. Let her X deal with her not you. If you don't like what you see, then go get some help.

This may sound a bit rough but it can be beneficial if you pay attention. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Orchid you said it exactly the way it was suppose to be said. Anger is a process, allow Myfamily to feel whatever she feeling.



Q2L you have allowed your children to be exposed to a form of dysfunction that is beyond any. You have also taught them to not respect the institution of marriage. Even your own! Look at what lessons and the messages you have given your children not very good ones. Q2L you have taught your children not to take personal responsibilty for there action.They learned this from you. As you blamed myfamily for the A you are having with her X

Myfamily, has every right to feel whatever she's feeling not only she has to look at herself, but the effects this has on her son. These days our children comprehend more than we did as children. They have there own mindset, there own feelings, form there own opinion from action of adults CHILDREN LIVE WHAT THEY LEARN.

When children are taught it's ok to lie by adults they will lie.

When children are taught it's OK not to be responsible by adults, they become just that not responsible in one form or another.

When they are are taught to run from committments by adults, they do just that.

When they are taught it's OK to break up family
reguardless to whom it hurts by adults, they do just that.

When they are taught Adultry is acceptable they become the adulter themselve, not all but the majority or become very dysfunctional in relationships.

Adultry just didn't start yesterday. It is a learned SELFISH ACT, passed down from generation to generation. You wonder why society is so dyfunctional, because of dyfunctional adults LEARNED BEHAVIOR.

Not only the culbrit who's committing the act itself, the family members and friends that sit by and co-sign the behavior, meaning welcoming the behavior with open arms.

You are sending our children the wrong message. People get it together. Either you are part of the solution, or part of the problem, which one are you?

HAVE A BLESSED DAY.... I PRAY ALL MARRIAGES ARE RESTORED.

I do have bitterness to the court system. The system should be fair to all. It should not matter if you are a judges friend or were a cop. As far as X, I let go long ago. Our son has aggression towards cops & nurses. I have to do what son Dr. says is best. X has to undo the damage he caused his son. X made promises to son & lied. It hasnt helped to tell his son its mom fault for A & D. X wants his son to call him, but X wont call son. Its a stand off between them not me. I know that OW is being lied to by X, I dont blame her. I used to believe everything X told me.

"Becontent" after reading your reply I now understand your pain. You said your parents "moved on" but they still have a checking account together & see each other everyday? thats not moving on. you are like my son caught in the middle. Before you lash out at someone, you need to know what that person is going through. Im am not your parents dont take your pain out on me. I protect my child & would do anything to take away his pain.

MB is here to help us deal with D & A, not accuse anyone of wrong doing.