It been awhile since my last post, but lurk almost every day. I try to learn much while just reading.

Is stbx trying to get me to do his visitation arrangements? Opinions please.

I have been in plan b now for almost 6 months & I think I have done NC expect for kids & $ stuff, without trying to teach, and letting him make his own mistakes. Two weeks ago stbxwh & I met & discussed finical document for court. WH mentioned it a month ago but never set things up, but at last minute e-mailed to see if I would go over things with him. I did, we meet at a friends & they set up wine & made it a nice as possible. I left when it look like things were slowing down , I couldn’t act happy.

Weather it is WH ADD or just fog, he has a difficult time setting up visitations with D-21 & S-16. I finally wrote that it shows care & respect to plan things out with the kids in advanced & not just 2-3 days before. Our kids have not had a get together with his family since wh filed in Aug.

In Dec. I arranged with some of his family to get together at an basketball game close to their town , then called & reminded them a week before. We had a nice time last weekend, even if WH showed up. SIL told me they would have had no idea to get together, because they weren’t told anything. Since I made the arrangements they sat with me, but later wh's brother went over and visited with him. They brought 2 of their g-kids, & it was nice. WH left the game early without saying bye to anybody.

I wrote that even if they don’t schedule a night together, at least he would be able to talk to his kids about spending time together. stbxwh wrote back & said he decided “to put the ball in the kids court.” If they want to get together they could call him. I need opinion as to how to respond.

Over xmas vacation they spent one weekend together & the other one wh called 1 day before & the kids had made plans to go just the two of them on a road trip. I did mention that they could spend the night before with him, but he had his nephew visiting. (I wanted to say, don’t you think they would like seeing each other, but didn’t).

WH likes the NC with me & does not want to discuss his upcoming surgery. I researched some on the web so I could also discuss with kids & e-mailed some alternates. wh is still on my insurance. stbxwh wrote back “Opinions in regard to my diet/health care is not your business now.” Well I guess I won’t encourage the kids to send cards or to be around. – Thoughts? Since his A’s started his health has changed, high blood pressure, prolosec & nexium & now this gall bladder surgery. Well I was going to encourage the kids to be there after wards, but need opinions.

We haven’t had court hearing yet, but expect to any day to hear from attorney.
I think I have been here to long, except my acct is still in the black, but I guess I need to keep moving on. I had some exploding LB in the past & knew to go to plan B, it helped.

me –BS 45, stbxwh -47
d-day – Oct. 2000
MB – summer 2001
#2 d-day July 4, 2001-exploding
wh took a new job & I miscarried Nov. 01
WH filed Aug.1,02 & the 6th was 25th Anniversary
WH still has stuff here, should I ask that he removes all of it by a certain day?

I guess I am getting mentally ready to accept DV.

Vega..

I guess I don't understand..why is your WS husband filing for divorce??

Thanks for just being positive.

Last summer I was "snooping" to much & LB to much & talked to OW's baptist minister. She lead the worship & was very religous & stbxwh didn't think I was because I didn't go through all of the public motions that they did being good Christians. I found stuff out & LB big time. Wh decided to protect the OW because she was abuse when young & she made her marriage sound a little violent. My opinion wh is her knight in shining armor. He made list & she won. I will write more later.

Received letter from attorney, hearing is Feb. 13.

Trying to not react, although I did write a e=mail, but have not sent it. Fortunately son needed computer.
later, Trying to remember misery is optional.

You sure are extremely involved & knowledgeable of everything about your h, considering you are in Plan B.

Since his A’s started his health has changed, high blood pressure, prolosec & nexium & now this gall bladder surgery.
How do you know about all this?

we meet at a friends & they set up wine & made it a nice as possible.
How romantic!

Weather it is WH ADD or just fog, he has a difficult time setting up visitations with D-21
If your daughter is 21, then she should not be mentioned in any visitation discussion. The court is not gonna rule on that at all. It can rule on any college support but that is probably the only thing. She is 21 & an adult.

wh is still on my insurance.
Why?

Yes Chris, I was getting along better when I did not know stuff about WH. I thought a good B. It seems this last month things about WH has just dropped into my lap. Dr. Office called about his unltrasound results, wh is on my insurance as secondary & I get the reports. wh mentioned things when we were going over the settlement values. Plus a e-mail was forward to close friends with OW name +.

I have good neighbors that are very understanding.
It was bittersweet time, but wish I could say felt romantic. They are some of my earth angels helping me get through some difficult times. WH looked sharp, but stuck to settlement issues.

Chris, I know D is not a issue with visitation, other than both of them don't realise how important they should be to each other in the future. I know I need to remove myself from the role of "fixer". Light bulb here - I should not try to help fix other peoples problems.

Current insurance won't change anything until after DV. Although, I think I will do that part that I stated in my vent e-mail. I will hit delete.

WH
You may blame things on ADD, but sometimes you are just are a fool, Take all your knives & keep stabbing away, but please don't set near me the day you stab away. Especially after you have already hung me out to dry. How could you walk up & set near me, yes I will get over your righteousness. You can sit any where you want it is a free country. I feel that you showed a great disrespect for my how I would feel or the people around you. You say you have respect for me, but little actions to show any respect. I am still going to counseling to understand my mistakes & I guess to better handle these things. I guess you don't need to care enough to understand yours.

I hope you consider the pressure you are putting on your friends here & in *** when you throw your affair in their face. But many people have been in your shoes & others are forgiving. I have lived with loving you & still do until I couldn't stand the repeated in your face affair & having to share you. You, yourself couldn't stand going against god's words, you were not a nice person. Our friends are talking about your e-mails to them with your lover's name next to theirs about the value of appreciating the ones you truly love & god's love for you. Don't become any more of an old fool than you already appear to be. (It is making the same type of mistake as driving up in you lover's car to pick up your D.) Don't just keep trashing who you really are yet, by doing foolish things & making foolish choices. Remember when you said you didn't understand how **** could make such a foolish deal, when everyone new about fast *** & his side kick. I guess you now understand ****** problems.

I hope you find your happiness, because you are throwing away the true happiness yet to come.

Enjoy taking the easy road to life's successes, because it is not the faithful road.

Since *******, is your friend, call him & transfer our insurance payments to your acct in ******. I am tired of dealing with your affairs. I will plan to make a stop payment on the insurance charges for next month.. I will send him a check to cover my half of the insurance needs. That is about as vindictive as I can get right now, so I guess I am just trying to live up to my reputation. At least you won't have to worry about me being nice & then taking a swing at you. Because I am telling you how it is right now, only is it as it is?

Just a vent episode, but it is how I feel. In case your ADD is working, . <><

Well Chris & PB, I will delete the draft e-mail.

Just a major ventting time. Need to catch some zzzz.

Last year two posters gave me a swift straight to the point post to shape up. I guess I needed a remeinder to Keep myself distant from WH's business. Only thing is it has affected my working relationship with some of our acquintences. As a result I don't put myself into many challeging conversations, were WH might be brought up. I am still trying to protect his intergity or is this a mistake? Sometimes he is such an [censored]. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I know name calling is childish. Thanks for taking time to read my vent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You know, I just need to be thankful for what I do have in my life & quit worrying about those other things. (Easier said than done.)

I truely have received many blessing. I usually feel bad about the little things that I get mad about, when so many of you MB have experiences that needs prayers 1000x more than my situations, I feel very selfish. Thanks for responding to me, because I know there are many others that need your support also.

Vega, I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel. I read through your posts and I know how difficult it has been for you. This is a good place to vent, we all do, and sometimes I vent so much I feel like I am whining while drowning in a pool of self pity.
I hate myself for that. I like the days when I feel strong and confident, and I thank God that I am working towards more and more of them. I too am a "fixer". It is in our nature to do the very best for the people that we love, and in spite of everything, we still love our WS. It is hard to fight against doing what our instincts tell us we must do. But it is necessary. A good plan B will help you start to heal. I know trying to stick to one as much as possible since Christmas has helped me tremendously. And all with love and support from friends, pastors, my kids and the folks on MB.
Take care of yourself first. It's not selfish, it's essential.