This is where I am at. My stbx Wayward Husband, cancelled life insurance that I wrote a check out to pay for the next years policy, just a few weeks after I mailed the check. So we have no Life insurance on him. Then he cancelled the health insurance, and we have had no health insurance.

He is ordered to get both. But what guarantees are there that he will keep the policiies. He cancelled the life policy without me knowing it. Got a letter in the mail is the way I found out. Sure he has someone coming out Friday to give him a physical for Life insurance. He signs the policy, pays the bill, for the period of time requested. But what guarantees that he won't cancel it, or not renew it? He has shown an ugly side to him, and teh trust is not there. Life insurance is for me, that if he were to die, that I would get all the life Insurance for aliimony support. Then if he were to die, and I were to die, I would put the kids under me. Also, what guarantees that he won't change the name of me to a new woman in his life. The same with health insurance. What guarantees are there that he is going to get health insurance and keep it.

I hate divorce, I hate the lies, the deceit, and for the rest of my life I am going to have to spend time checking up on him. Where does it end? Where does the liar, the betrayer finally get his act together and act like a reasonable human. Not a devil from hell, but a reasonable human.

My husband is SNL. He reads the posts here, and has asked me to rephrase some of my posts. But the thing that gets me, if he would just do what he is suppose to do, I wouldn't have anything to complain about. He did cancel the Life insurance and the health insurance. I am getting calls from medical bills to be paid. The surgery on my shoulder he needs to pay, and I am afraid he is going to let that go too.

My life is not worth it at times like this. He talks so sweet and nice on the phone. Seems nothing bothers him at all. I am sitting here, and wondering, I think way to much now, on how he has betrayed me in many ways besides the other woman. And I don't trust him, and wonder what is next. The affair hurt, the money he wasted on the OW hurt, the lies hurt, the deceit hurts, and now the insurance things hurt. It seems like I am nothing to him, and he doesn't care if he hurts me anymore.

But just wondering how this is going to take effect, and am I to keep track of him every month to find out if he cancelled anything. You know, it is just not worth it anymore. If I have to live the rest of my life wondering if he has done something to put me in a lower position than I am now. He makes darn good money. He knows he will survive. He makes good money. I will just be surviving on what I can get. I won't have the freedom to buy anything. Will have to be careful on everything I buy.

I never thought that a marriage would come to these terms, on not trusting your partner.

If he would behave, and do what he was told, maybe I could trust him. I hate his actions, and I hate his being so smiley and making light of anything that he does. Oh well, just a down night, and down day.

Faith,

Stick to your guns!! Ask your lawyer to write it in such a way that there is a consequence if STBXH canceals or rengees on the policies. If it is court ordered and he stops paying can't they arrest him?

I have it that xH has to carry a policy on himself with me and kids only listed til the yo is 21 and then I can take out my own policy on him. The military policy can only have the kids names on it!!!

Yes divorce sucks, but it is reality and we need to be able to allow our lives to continue and the divorce not to define us, it's hard!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 28, 2003, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Faith ... You could have the lawyer to include the insurance money based on prior incident, you have a case. Don't settle for promise or the check is in the mail. You could have the court to take the money for that purpose from his paycheck.

Yes, Dv is suck. I have my status change to Dv man but the financial issues are not settled.

-rh-

you can have the court make X take out a policy on himself & there is a way he cant cancell it. I would ask you insurance company & then have your attorney put it in your court papers. Or you could ask the courts to make him take out the policy & you pay it. It would save a lot of attorney fees down the road. My X has 3 policies but I know he still has his dad on them. when he M OW her name will replace our childs. courts do not go back & make sure X-spouses do what they were court order to do.

Exactly, courts don't look back, because they don't have the man power. I was told that he will have to have the papers notorized and that there is a legal term to put on the papers where he cannot cancel or change the name. I was at the office today where the insurance is suppose to happen. They don't know we are gettig a divorce, just by what they were saying to me. I asked about insurance on myself, and who I can put as beneficiary. Anyways, when the time comes, I will talk with Jim and tell him what has happened, and why we are asking for the insurance. Also, that way, I know the people, and then they can notify me if husband decides to cancel. If my husband wants to guarantee me in another way, fine, but I am looking out for myself now. So sad, cause when we married thought that both of us would look out for each other. I still would, but it doesn't seem my husband wants to stay in that frame of mind. If I am wrong, would be nice if he told me.

Faith4,
So glad to hear from you -- it's been awhile. Sorry I can't offer much advice that will differ from that which you have already received -- I ma in a different boat (Married but with no kids, so finances are different)
But I can offer my support. I HEAR you when you say it is almost impossible and definately unfair. I agree. I wish I could explain what turns a relatively normal man into a tyrannical nightmare overnight, but I can't. I have days when all I do is pray for the day that he will receive his justice (in karmic terms) but then I realize this is not good, so I try to pray for him. Sounds crazy, but sometimes it helps.
How are you doing otherwise? Are you sleeping and eating?
I do believe that he will "get his" someday in the future. Meanwhile, I will include you in my prayers and try to offer as much support as possible. Is it possible for you to try and reach out to someone else and offer your help to someone in need of frienship or care? Might help you feel better if you can. I know that I have made friends with the janitor at my job (just by initiating simply conversation) and now when I see him he is always so happy to see me and asks me questions about things. No, maybe it's not what I would call a "deep" friendship, but I sure do like to see his smile first thing in the morning -- somehow his care and interest takes my worries away at least for a few hours.
Know that I am here,
1Red

Eating comes and goes. Today I am suffering stomach problems. On Vioxx for antiinflammatory, and I think this one is messing my stomach up, or it is just my emotinal state.

I am doing something this weekend for someone else. A friend of mine, we went to nursing school together. Is in need of help. She is having exploratory surgery on Feb. 10. She is suffering pain, and I am going to go up this weekend to help her unpack. She just moved into a new apartment this past weekend, and she would like the place to be unpacked, organized, and ready for her to recoop. So she asked me, and I said sure, thought that would give me time away from here, go to church with her, and talk. She is a very strong christian. And there is fear in her that something may be seriously wrong, they willfind out. Anyways, she has no mother, she died about 20years ago. And she has no father he died in high school.

She knows that I can't lift heavy things. But I can put dishes away, help her fold towels and things in put in the linen closet.

Hang clothes up. She only moved from one of the back buildings to a nicer front building from the 3rd floor to the 1st floor. She has parking right by her apartment. And 4 windows. The other place only had 1 window.

So Ifeel this will be goodfor her and for me.

Ilove SNL, but I need to do this for Carol. Bye.