About 4 months ago my wife came to me unexpectedly and said she wasnt happy and was leaving. I have been dating her for 10 years and have been married for about a year. Well needless to day I flew off the deep end. For about a month I was on drug binges and having sex with alot of partners that I really didnt care about. I basicly had an "I dont care about anything" attitude. One morning after a binge I felt like I was going to die or at least kill myself from what I was doing. I thought I was having fun but I really wasnt and my life was twisting out of controll. I have now regained control of my life and feel great. Now I have a different problem. I have only been seperated for three months and I have met someone that I really like. She makes me feel great about myself and we have so much in common I am really starting to fall for her. I always catch my self thinking that I am making a mistake by falling for someone else so quickly, but she makes me feel so good when I am with her. Now I am really confused about what to do.

Welcome,

I really think that you need to spend some time alone. As I read it you are still married at this point. And the rejection of your current wife sent you into an uncontrolable drug and sex rage for a month. Obviously you have some issues that need to be dealt with. When you wife said she didn't want you, you substituted sex and drugs for her. Then when that craze was over you substituted another woman for her. Yet, the core issue's, whatever they may be, still have not been dealt with.

What happens a year from now when this new girl rejects you. Another PARTY..... I would strongly suggest getting some help.

I pray that you have no kids that are living through this with you.

Best of luck...

Bill

Bill,

Thanks for the reply. No I do not have any Kids Thank God! Your right about substituting things for my wife,(I think about this all of the time) but what I dont understand is that why should I be alone and miserable when being with this other person makes me feel great. I guess I am just a real confused person at this point.

You've made my point for me. If you are dependent on anything to take away your misery then you need to do some serious self-discovery. You are not defined by the drug you take or the latest girl on your arm.

I'm serious when I say, get some help, work through your issues. You need to get to a point where you can be misery free without anyone or any crutch and happy with yourself then you are ready to seek a meaningful healthy relationship.

But it looks like to me that you want the trophy without having to run the race.

Personally, I've spent almost 2 years alone and yes in the beginning I used a lot of crutches to numb the pain. But as I've done some serious self discovery, re-found my Saviour, and focused on ME I have found true inner peace and happiness with myself. Now I am ready to be in a relationship but the other thing I've found is that a relationship isn't that important to me as I thought it was. Hell, I'm a great person and I liking hanging out with myself.....

Get Healthy.......

A point of disagreement or clarification, I'm not sure which...

I agree that it is necessary to learn how to be at peace and happy with yourself before you are really ready to be in a(nother) relationship. However, if being "misery free" is the same thing as being pain free, or the same thing as not being lonely, then I don't think it is realistic to expect that. You need to learn to be happy in spite of the pain and loneliness.

How is this possible? It is possible because true happiness, unlike mere pleasure, comes from within. It comes from being the person you want to be, the kind of person you can accept and respect.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:
<strong>A point of disagreement or clarification, I'm not sure which...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great clarification Gnome, your words are always so inspiring.

Bill

Bryguy:

Both of these got you, brother. There is a lot of work on you that still needs to be done before you can work on your relationships with others. I believe that you're a good person with some pretty self-destructive behaviors that do not lead to real happiness. Be careful, or you're just going to hurt someone else.

Slow down.

Take care and God Bless!

bg40
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> For about a month I was on drug binges and having sex with alot of partners that I really didnt care about. I basicly had an "I dont care about anything" attitude. One morning after a binge I felt like I was going to die or at least kill myself from what I was doing. I thought I was having fun but I really wasnt and my life was twisting out of controll. I have now regained control of my life and feel great. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Many of us probably had the "I don't care about anything" attitude after having such gut wrentching news. I did, and thought about handling it the way you did, but I watched a friend of mine do that & decided that (at that point) 9 years of sobriety wasn't worth it and this was something that I had to face, feel the pain, and be OK with myself.

I don't know if you relate to any of that, but if drug binges are a pattern (me honest with yourself) then the best place to find out (even if you are not sure is AA or NA. The 12 steps are a great way to live even if you decide you are not a "member" Untill you are OK with yourself, you'll never be OK in a relationship.

By the way, my friend is still stuck in old patterns, she did find someone to ease her pain, and he does make her feel so good, so, she wonders why then is she so unhappy?

D.