This is my second marriage, we've been married 10 years, we have 4 kids, i have two from the first marriage, she has one, and we have a daughter together, out of the 4 kids 3 live with us, two boys and a girl , boy both age 15 and OUR daughter is 8, My daughter who lives with her mom is 16,the boys both have issues, my son is ADHD and a special ed student, her son is mentally depressed and 2 years ago he took a weapon to school and acted out,I met this woman when our kids were 3 and i knew then he was not normal, but i did not know why. Because this child was so strange to me i did not form a relationship with him, his mom in my opinion was overprotective and babied him, the child has had bed wetting issues and was a constant thumb sucker untill age 9,he was picked on in school because he was strange,I tried to point out his strange behivior to his mom, and she ignored me, I had "normal" kids his age, so it was real clear to me. After he went off at age 13, she spent that whole year living for him, running to jails and mental wards, and we were second place. My wife has always had depression issues, and now it seems her son is getting well and she's losing it. To make matters worse i got custody of my ADHD son after his mom gave up on him, they dont get along, my son has problems getting along with a lot of people, including my current wife, she is bitter and openly resentfull and has been nasty and spitefull of my son since he moved in.She now complains and begrudges everything and anything, and shes miserable all the time.She has an issue , or problem, about anything, sex is a problem for her, {seems she was molested as a teen}, this was not a problem when we met, but now its become an issue again. A day doesnt go by that she's not yelling and stamping her feet like a child, and I just plain cant stand her childish deneaner any more.Life cant be that bad, is it??WE have had FAMILY and couple counseling for over 2 years and i have modified my way of dealing with problems, and she has gotten worse instead of better. In a private conversation with the counseler I was told she is difficult and needs medication and private sessions, the counseler told me I'm a saint, and 95% of men would have walked by now.I've spent 10 years with her strange moods and even my family sees she's not right,I feel bad walking, but I feel my grip on life sinking, i'm getting depressed, and i'm a person that sees every day as a new day, but lately its getting harder.The only thing holding me in this HELL is my 8 yr old daughter, I see her imitating her mothers irate moods and its starting to concern me,I went through a divorce once already, and its all killing me.I cant stand to be around my wife and her "issues" anymore. I TRY, but I'm losing my patience. CAN ANYONE offer me SOMETHING?? I want a normal life with a sane woman, and i've failed 2 times, I'm losing hope.

I only see your wife as a mother should be. Caring for her child that has special needs. My son has ADHD & has special needs. understand what you wife is going through. Our son was picked on at school because of his weight. It takes a toll on the M. Every child is different, I couldnt say who is normal. Having 2 sets of children takes a strong person to make the M work, been there & failed. Instead of looking at your W faults, try helping her. Its probaby the children that are getting on your nerves not her. As far the counseler I wouldnt trust anyone who runs back & tells the other spouse that the W has problems & calls the other one a saint. My X family believed his stories about his unhappy homelife, blamed me for D, but welcome MOW into their family after they both knew he had been seeing her while we were M. Blood is thicker than water. not sure why you didnt bond with the younger child. It shouldnt have matter that he was strange, you should have loved him like your own son. You should have consider the problems he would have later if he wasnt normal. Its easy to blame someone else for our unhappiness. As far as finding a perfect wife who is sane, we all have problems. You would only bring your old problems into a new M, it would not last. My advised to you is find a family counseler, not the one you was using and the whole family go. Your younger daughter will have more problems after D like our son did. Our son is going through the hate stage with his dad. son has stopped seeing his dad after he got engaged to OW. Do you want this.

m-17 1/2 yrs
c-13, 29, 8gd
me-49, x-43
d-5-02

ow-32
c-3 under 11
m-10 yrs
d-7-02

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In a private conversation with the counseler I was told she is difficult and needs medication and private sessions</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps you need to have a discussion with her and the counselor, and let her know that unless she gets help for her depression you are not willing to stay in the marriage. However, don't say that unless you mean it...she may take you up on it.

Kathi

Thanks for your replies, a little more about the situation,someone suggested the kids were getting on my nerves and not her, not so, SHe is having issues with the kids, and she always has, when my 2 kids came every other weekend she renamed visitation weekend " hell weekend", my kids are normal, active kids, HERS was depressed and never left a TV set or computer, on nice days my kids went out and rode bikes and played with friends, HERS REFUSED to go out and make friends at all.THE HELL for her was dealing with NORMAL active kids that push all the buttons NORMAL kids push. SHE would be nice and cheerfull untill 6:01 pm on visitation Friday, and the MOOD carried all the way to 7PM sunday when they went home, then SUDDENLY she was OK again.She had a problem with my VISITING children,I LIVED with her kids iSSUES, and hers, EVERY day, NOW that my ISSUE child lives there she has an attitude problem 75% of the time, because of HIS issues he talks 90 MPH and never shuts up, it IS annoying, i agree, BUT, its a SPECIAL NEEDS situation, the same thing SHE wants ME to be sensative to on her sons part, WHY cant she keep her mouth shut and contain her attitude problem like I was forced to all these years?? SHE was unhappy with the way i attemped to snap her son out of his issues, so i stopped dealing with him so she would stop accusing me of "hurting" him, I asked her several times to BUTT OUT of my sons affairs and keep her mouth and attitude to her self, but she feels she lives there and has a say, I did too, so why was I supposed to BUTT OUT?? double standard here?? I know the kids are a hand full, I also know that in 4 more years they are {all but one}, over 18 and many of their issues will be their own, and i can deal and get along with them ANd her untill then, SHe cant deal with ANY problems without loosing her mind and making our lives a living hell.THEN ADD the fact she's a god fearing woman who does church EVERY SUNDAY, and teaches sunday school AND is a church elder, i thought the bible teaches LOVE, compassion and respect for others, ?? I just dont get it.SHe has patience enough to work for FREE for the church every chance she gets AND deal with everyone elses PROBLEM children, BUT cant deal with ours, i still dont get it. OUR home is a clutter hut, stuff piled in every corner and on every counter top, I COOK dinner 4 nights out of 7 and help with our 8 yr old THEN work in my garage to make extra cash so we can live. SHE gets "tired" easily and sits on her butt while the filth piles up.BEFORE holidays i deep clean so we can have company.She takes little pride in our home.I'm not a clean freak, and its annoying me, so it has to be bad. I just cant stand her moods and her attitude about my kids, what will happen when the kids start bringing home grand children?will she resent THEIR intrusion in her life too?? HER SON has life long emotional problems, he is very smart but has ZERO common sence,he is lazy and unmotivated, MY oldest daughter has had a job for over a year and wants to do better, my son is looking for work, but no one will hire him yet, HER SON wants no parts of responsibility or a job, and she makes every excuse WHY he cant work ,making EXCUSES is what she has done best for him all his life, I FEAR i will forever support a kid who refuses to work because its "too hard", he has NO concept of time and even though we EAT the same time every day he's never there,we have to LOOK for him, he has friends that smoke and do drugs, and many times he has come home smelling of POT, but MOMMY says he's NOT doing drugs,I heard MY MOM say the same stuff about my ALcholoc-drug aditct brother who has NOTHING today, he was SMARTER than me in school, but today HE has nothing.I'm not supporting ANY adult children, so i see another potential problem brewing. I made my own way to this day, and i'm showing MY kids , AND hers, how to do it too, but HER son has no interest in working or being responsible.I just see these problems never ending or growing into other issues, and i'm not up for it all, her spitefull attitude and her never ending negative comments about all parts of our lives has me worn down. We go away, and she is OK, not great, THEN when we get home, she's RIGHT back in her old ways. I dont get it...

41,

I'm sorry you're not getting a lot of support from the boards this week-end. It's been a difficult one, to be sure, and week-ends are slow around here anyway.

You might get more support from GQII board. More traffic there.

You have a very difficult situation, to be sure. I am a step-mother, had teen-age boys move in with us after we were only M'd for a couple of years (and me childless), so I sorta understand that scenario. I did not resent those boys, as I understood the "package" included them when we M'd, but did not think they'd BOTH end up moving in with us while we were still newlyweds! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I wish I had some wise words to give you, but I really don't. I would recommend getting those kids into couseling, talking to the schools about what is going on, letting everyone who might be able to help be aware of all that is going on, as I suspect you personally are going to need more help as time goes on.

Your W sounds like she is "cracking" - perhaps from pressure the extra child is causing. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just my observations. Further, her "issues" w/your children is not going to go away (I suspect you know that already), but will probably only get worse as time goes on.

It sounds like your W is suffering from depression. Maybe she realizes her son is not "normal" but doesn't want to deal with it. Is this possible?

Will she go for counseling? To the church? Would you go with/for her/yourself? I'm afraid for you, it sounds like you are starting to lose it under the pressure. You are going to need a support system to deal with all this. Can you go to counseling?

I hope others have better advice than I. But I hope I'm being a "shoulder" for you today.

God Bless,