to see my 13 1/2 yr old son having nightmares about dad makes me sick. son came into my room last night crying & scared. Our son is built like a linebacker, 5'9 in. over 300 lbs. he ask me to come into his room while he slept, he didnt want to be alone. waited until he was sleep then went back to bed. He was watching a show that parents were getting a D, one killed the kids so the other one would get them. His dream was dad was trying to poison me. He has had this dream before. dad is coming after him now that Im dead. Dad is chasing him he wakes up. Our D was nasty with every woman my H had been with trying to get me arrested. Cop friends were helping. people lost their jobs because of it. But it has taken its toll on our son who saw everything. Our son read OW reply to me on MB, and now believes she will go after me again. I told him I have nothing to fear from her. Ow knows that X will lose his new job if they find out about his work history, that was covered up. If OW or X is reading this, please see what you have done to our child. He needs to be seen by a Dr. but since you wont pay court order medical I cant afford the $55 co-payment that you are suppose to pay. Im not working please pay for your son medical bills. You are behind $1195.00.

As a mother of a ten year old, I cannot imagine what you are going through.

I would suggest though that your son might needlessly be getting exposed to the details of your relationship with your X. Children tend to feel responsible and protective of their mothers, so I know it would be hard to keep him out of it. Your X probably thinks you are intentionally involving your son in the details to leverage the emnity against the child's father - but I have a hunch that the son is digging and trying to find some rationale behind his father's behavior and coming up with more vile excuses and lies.

Mom - It's time you took matters into your own hands and STOP asking the evil X to be responsible for his mess. He won't ever do it. A thousand judges won't make him do it. He'll just disappear and have his latest squeeze continue his battle against you - it's personal for him... very personal.

Mom - I can't suggest strongly enough to you that you learn about the law of attraction and what role it's playing in your life. If you want to end this, your basic text would be a book you can read a chapter at a time by sitting at Borders in one of their reading chairs. The book is called "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn.

You keep complaining about all the don't wants in your life - and how all those don't wants keep hurting your son. But the one "don't want" you still are locked in a battle for who will push who into h*ll first isn't going to change anything. Your X is an evil piece of work and will not change just because you insist it be so. That particular piece of clay just cannot be molded by God or anyone else into something that it's not - he can never become good, responsible, and caring - when he is evil, selfish, sick to the bone. You will never, ever change him. God can't even change him. At least, until X turns to God and wants to change from the tortured, evil mess that he has become.

So let it go. Don't try to make him pay anymore. Read the book - other resources will open up. But the energy in your home is what is causing your son's nightmares. If the two of you can let go of the evil influence your X has left you two holding, perhaps the nightmares and the hatred can go away too. Read the book. That's all I can say.

Love, Kayla

<small>[ February 01, 2003, 10:30 AM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

son has listen on phone while I talked with X. looking on X computer found files on OW. went through X medicine cabinet to see if OW was living with him. looking to see what food was in X frig. dad told him he wouldnt be with MOW he didnt believe him. told son that he should not do this, we are D & its dad life. Our son found pictures of X women on our hard drive? sorry not a computer person. son is acting like I did when I first found out about MOW. I have no choice in making X pay, had to file papers with children services. they wanted his name, ss & where he worked. when you ask for public help in Fl you have to file information on the spouse. have to write X to let him know what bills he needs to repay. Everything is waiting on our appeal for his military retirement. We should know in a couple of months. we had to divide savings, mine are gone because X got out of not repaying me over $2000 in medicial bills before D. this yr it totals $2100 plus our son bills $1195. Our savings went on paying medicial bills. I do not work because of illness. We are living on $490 while X makes over $45,000 a yr. I have no choice in making him pay the state of Fl will go after him.

Myfamily, If he wants to be a deadbeat, let him. Fl will get him and there is nothing he can do about it.

Teens are smart, they figure things out for themselves, you X is an idiot if he thinks you are filling sons head with this stuff. I may be 41 but I remember my teen years as if they were yesterday. I knew how to find out what I wanted, I refused to listen to an adult, especially the parents.

As far as the Military stuff goes, why was this judge able to say you were not entitled to it. It is Federally regulated. I don't understand why you have to appeal it. Can't you contact the appropiate agency that handles this stuff. Why not report the judge to the bar association. Unless I am mistaken, I think Judges are required to remove themselves from all cases if they know anyone involved in the proceedings. Contact that states Bar Association and inquire about how you file a complaint. You might want to wait to do that until after all is said and done. Also inquire if there is a time frame that you have to file the complaint in from the time of the occurance. There is a Code of Conduct that Attorneys, and judges have to abide by. If the State Bar Association does not handle this, ask if they can direct you to who does.

I also ready the reply on a different thread from the person claiming to be OW. Ignore her, blow her off. I got a strong impression that she was playing head games and trying to get you to stop legal proceedings.

If you cannot work, why didn't you get alimony? I'm very confused. Did you and Xh live in Fl, get your divorce in Fl? or was it Al?

it takes about 9 months to finish appeal. have paperwork to do on the judge but have to wait till appeal is over. If they approve appeal, they give it back to the same D judge to rewrite. spousal protection act was passed in 80s but if you have under 20 yrs of military time with your spouse. they left it up to the state to give it to you in D. my time is 17 1/2 yrs. I did get 9 months support of $333 only because he had A. it ends in Feb 03. you only get spousal support in escambia county al if you find cause for A. COBRA insurance for 18 months because of my illness that X has to pay all but co-payments. Im from Jax Fl, x from Al. His last yrs with Navy he got pensacola fl just 45 miles from Atmore, AL. I had to file D. in Al, because we bought a home there. Sold the home & moved back to Jax. Fl. X lives two weeks out of the month in Walnut hill Fl on a farm own by his dad, other 2 weeks with OW in Century Fl. He cant stay overnight with her while she has her 3 kids, its in her D-papers. X works in Mobile AL. for the state & gives his parents address for his home address. He thinks if he says he lives in Al. Fl cant touch him.

The state will fight this fight for you. All they asked was info about him - now you can choose to leave it up to them. But right now, you are personally fighting him in the trenches - and you don't belong there. You are responsible for the emotional wellbeing of your son. So get out of the trench and back into your home. Start reading good books with your son; writing goals, dreaming dreams, etc. There will come a day when h*ll will call for your X; the debt will be due. You don't have to be the one who makes him pay. It's coming, with or without your help. But every moment you spend trying to make him pay will only prolong your suffering and the suffering of your son.

Choose a different way. Now. Before the suffering of your son also falls on your shoulders. Obsession has its price. You don't have to choose it.