I had a strange visit with my ex yesterday.
She asked me to take her shopping, which I did, she bought some stuff for kids & their cousins to eat (i dropped the kids & their cousins there for a visit), then asked ME what WE were having, like she expected me to stay for a visit & lunch.

I visited for a bit, and it was kinda strange and yet comfortably familiar, with us doing shopping, then being at home for lunch with the kids.
Had a similar visit a while back, and all I had to say to her as I left, was: "that was cosy enough, now all we have to do is agree on money & have sex". We were quite friendly & chatty, so it came across as humurous. A bit of tongue-in-cheek from me. A bit sarcastic, you say, but deserved, since she seems to want to be civil & sociable with me when it suits her. I visit on these occassions, because I think it does the kids good to see us get along. We've been apart long enough not for them to be getting their hopes up. I don't know how to view this though, it's as if she now genuinely wants to be friends.

She has no man in her life now at the moment, and I think it has dawned on her that of the men she has had relationships with, she can still count on me to be there for her. I don't have anyone either, but I'm in a really good headspace now, and don't want to risk falling into the trap of being seduced by her again. We're starting to agree a lot more on the kids' issues now, and maybe this is the start of a more mature phase in our relationship. She's studying, and I'm encouraging her. I'm a bit sceptical about this change of attitude from her. May just be that she's lonely. I'm gaurding my heart anyway.

Any thoughts?
muzohead

Hey Muzo,

I have been wondering how you have been. I am glad to hear that your 'headspace' is no longer in outerspace.

It is interesting, this ability to go from civil to war for no reason as far as we know. I always try to just be flat or happy. I really try to guard against being upset. But I see the entire gamit when I see her sometimes. Then I realize, it is no different than when we were married. Circumstances at work, the grocery store, you name it, would cause her to be either happy or sad or somewhere in between.

I think that you should take the good times like this for what they seem to be. Just 'good times' not changes. Unless your ex is so different from mine, I know that the 'good time' doesn't relate to me anyway, it is just how she was feeling when I saw her and it bled over into our encounter. But I do enjoy it when she is civil and even smiling. It is a nice change from the cold, blaming woman that I see so often.

I also absolutely, can't say it enough, agree that you should guard yourself EXTREMELY closely. I am sorry, and it isn't very MB like, however having been burned by 'all the right words' without any of the actions really has put a Missou 'Show me' not 'tell me' attitude. so be careful my guitar playing friend. It might be nice to see if you can cultivate a better 'friendship' with her for your sake and your childrens. But I would be very hesitant at even thinking about rekindling your relationship. It would be the worst sort of thing for you to start something, then to have it blow up.

Anyway, I am very happy that you had a good time. Frankly, I am not at the place that I 'want' to be around my ex. Even though I am OK when she is not around, and I no longer have that feeling of disgust or anger when I see her, I know that a prolonged period of interaction would not be good. Who knows, perhaps in 10 years hahahaha. I just don't like the person. I would never choose to be around her as a friend if I knew about her but had never been married to her. So why should I pretend to like her now.

I will be civil and cheerful towards her for our children. Without a doubt I want them to not feel that we hate each other. But I do not want to lie to them either, and I absolutely DO NOT want them to ever feel that we are getting back together. It would be the worst sort of lie. So I guess that you need to just be sure that You know what you want, and don't worry about what she wants.