So far here goes...Somtimes you are so sad that you can't even write. That is where I have been lately.

Deucey has gone over the edge. I have received no payments from him since January. All he has done is pay our rent and has threatened not doing that. He left me with paying all the joint cc accounts until the d is done and has made offers in his previous attempts to pay off the cc once I sign the papers. The cc accounts are at least a grand a month in payments and out of the money that he gives us a thousand out of the two given is used for his debts. And no, I don't have much savings to fall back on b/c before last year, I was a stay at home wife and mom. He is saying that he won't pay me again this month and as of yesterday, the jerk owes me $4200. That is alot. So now I have had to budget in paying over a grand more while pulling in two grand less a month. And he has told me via email (which attorneys have and will present to judge) that "if I can't pay my bills then he will be glad to have son live with him". That is how is crazy brain works. Hurt us and then turn on son and I. He is really enjoying this.

So we had an emergency hearing scheduled for jan. 29. My attorneys called me on monday before the date to tell me the trial has been postponed until get this FEB. 14. Yep. B/c opposing counsel is already in a trial and according to law that trial takes precedence. But my attorney wrote a three page letter to the judge as to how to best proceed with this case in a timely manner so that my needs are immediately addressed. I have been lower than low. Isn't it enough that man lied, cheated and was emotionally and physically abusive? Now it seems he wishes to punish me further. His ego is totally outta control.

Last monday night, jerko came over to drop off son. He always seems to avoid doing the school exchange b/c that way he thinks he can get an audience with me. But no way. I don't let him in the door. He drops son off at door or on the walkway. That is it that I allow. Anyway, son comes in and Deucey pushes his way into my home. I say all the w hile trying not to create an ugly scene in front of my innocent child "get out of this house. "you know the rules..get out or I call 911". He then throws open the door to the basement and runs down it. He says " Ah ha! Your bird cage is dirty". He ran down the stairs to evidently take a photo (must have been a very small camers) of my bird's cage. It is freezing here and is hard to take a seven foot cage outdoors to clean it. But I do keep it as clean as possible working on the other parts of the cage a bit at a time. He then runs out of my home and then attempts to open the door to my suv. I am now yelling at him to get away from the vehicle. He says "I was just checking to see if it was locked". It was locked. I say it is none of his business. He is crazy. My friends and neighbors were worried that this man might try to put something in my car. What I might ask? And my very expensive watch is now missing and has been for two weeks. I am going to use with next paycheck to get locks changed. I am renting and have to get approval first. Or else I am going to get a motion sensor and alarm.

I was shaking after he left. Then started the threats again. About my not being able to raise son without money and how I will get less in court than if I strike a deal with him. These are all either on vmail or email as I don't speak to him at all. But one hour after he left my home I did make one mistake. I phoned him to inform him that I am going to call the police to make sure they drive by my home off and on to make sure it is safe and that he will be arrested should he force his way onto this property again. And the funniest thing happened: Ms. Family Values, his newest conquest, answers the phone. I say "May I speak to X?" She asks who it is calling. I say that it is his wife. She sounds shocked and surprised. He gets on the phone and then proceeds to cuss me out and tell me off in front of her. I couldn't believe it. I was frozen. She was very near the phone and was saying to him "stop that. why are you doing that." It was horrible hearing the mistress, mind you, saying to my still legal husband to stop cussing out his wife. With her very near the phone I said "you'd better get out of this now or you will be me in about five years and your child deserves better than this. find someone good, please". I hope that made some of her fog clear a bit. My God I cried after that. But a funny thing happened after I broke my rule. I found the closure I needed. I don't at all even care one ounce for the man anymore. He showed me over this last months who he is now and I totally hate that man. It is awful how deep he has fallen.

Since our case was rescheduled, he has attempted to contact me several times leaving vmail's about wanting to meet me and giving me a counter offer. And he says in the vmails" I know you are a smart girl and you are going to do well." How funny for a week ago he called me a dumb a in front of his newest paramour. He is such a liar. I hate it b/c our son is with him right now for visitation. He doesn't deserve him at all now. He has become a horrible man and as I can only guess, still the conceited Deucey-first man and pseudo father he is still. He told me in a vmail that "I take our son to church and I am and have faith". I asked son later on if daddy takes him to church and my four and a half year old says NO. He lies about what he does with our son.

And he says that our temporary agreement that both of us with the help of our attorneys reached in July of last year isn't valid. That is why he doesn't have to pay me. I have news for him...If he doesn't he will go to jail. I don't care. H e is going to ante up and give me my freedom. I don't want him or his lies or his sin or his life anymore. I pray for him and hurt so badly for this man but he is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY ANYMORE. I do hurt for my son. My son is now more adamant lately about finding a new daddy for him and a friend (that is what he calls it) for me. He wants Indiana Jones to be his new daddy. He has repeated this over and over. He must see something really great in that character. I kept telling my son that Indiana Jones is just a made up person. These are action fairy tales. But son said, "No mom, I know where he is. He is at Disneyworld. We have to go to Disneyworld to meet him. I saw him there at the show. He got the bad guys and blew stuff up. He is at Disneyworld."

So now my son wants to go to Disneyworld to find his new dad. That sure brings a new meaning to the newly coined phrase "Disneyland Dad" huh? And what is so sad is that a year ago, Deucey took our son on a supposed trip, a boys' trip, to Disneyworld where son did see the Indiana Jones show and saw him do all the stunts. But what I didn't know was Deucey took along his mistress too. So my son has learned from that trip that he wants a new dad. One who is brave, who has faith and fights for good causes, is tough and strong, but can protect and love a woman and a child too. Son even said that "In the Last Cwosade (that is how he says crusade) momma, he falls in wuv (how he says love) with a mommy who looks like you. Her hair is same color. Yellow."....

I am doing all I can to keep it together. I was really down yesterday. And Friday night one of my girlfriends came over and surprised me and took me out to dinner. I was not very good company though. She said this will last only a few months more and that I will do all I can to repair my credit via letter writing and document faxing and that I will come out of this ok. Of course, her divorce was much easier than mine. A thousand times easier b/c her H felt guilty about cheating on her and gave more than the law even allowed a man with his salary.

Why can't this just end? I fought a good fight and stood up for my marriage even when my brain told me not to. I honored my vows. I was a good wife. I am still very much a good person. I just want to end this and shake this dust off my boots and move on. I feel frozen and stuck until the time of the emergency trial. And we have been also ordered into mandatory mediation. So there may not even be a final trial.

Please pray really hard for me. Periods of silence only come from me when I am too despairing to even write. That is pretty much now. I did watch a good movie this weekend and am taking son to a different church again next weekend. Today another frind is coming over to take me on a hike. Well needed. About thirty miles away is a waterfall and some gorgeous views. Plus it is fifty degrees and I gotta get outta here.

Pray hard and don't forget I pray for my friends here too. I always do.

Sorry, no payments from Deucey since December. I haven't been paid for two months now.

Notpeachy --

Well, you certainly have been missed. We're very glad you're back but not at all glad for these hurtful and bizarre circumstances. You're being asked to cope with a lot here, aren't you. I'm very sorry for all of this terrible turmoil in your life.

The times when I am at my lowest are often the times that I come to this board. I need it most when I'm sad and feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. Sometimes the very act of moving the fingers and the brain to type your thoughts is in and of itself cathartic. Maybe those times for you are the times when you need us the most, when we can be of the most help.

Deucey is where Deucey is. The bigger question is where are you? One indication: "I found the closure I needed." Another: "I don't at all even care one ounce for the man anymore." You go on to say, "It is awful how deep he has fallen." -- Yes, it is, but as you've said, "he's not my responsibility anymore."

But you and your son are, and that will always be so. I think you're doing an incredible job of holding things together. Not many would have the inner resources and stamina to get through this firestorm. You have indeed "fought a good fight" and you remain intact, a very good person.

Please remember that you have friends here who care about you and what's going on in your life. Keep us in the loop. Let us walk this path with you. We're here for you...

Ammon

Hi Peach,

Long time no chat. Oh honey, I am so sorry the D man is being a D head. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You are reaching closure and going through it is much harder than thinking about going through it. I am truly sorry.

You though are one great person, wife and beautiful mom. Your son is right, his mom and himself do deserve better. In the long run it is the D man who will lose out on life. He will go from one relationship to another and so on but you will find your stability, love and happiness.

I know you Peach, you can do it.

Tell your son I like Indy also. In fact there is another poster here who goes by the user name Indy. Hm......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

take care,
L.

{{{{notpeachy}}}}

I have also been betrayed, not only by my H leaving me for OW, but also by emotional/verbal abuse, drug addiction and alcoholism, as well as A's throughout our M (only recently revealed to me).

And, you're right when you shouted to OW that she'll be next because I went through this as the "OW" with my H 21 years ago - I'd defend his ex when he was being abusive to her. H lied to me, told me he and exW were "separated" and planning D. He'd apparently forgotten to tell her. But the lies he told me about her and about himself were enough to lull me into thinking everything with us would be different. Well, it lasted longer than with 1st W, but otherwise the only other difference is that I'm now supporting him and MOW and her child.

I know how it feels, like they've already hurt us enough, why couldn't they just let us go, maybe even show some remorse like your friend's XH? But our H's are merely continuing to act true to form.

My H seems to have at least finally found a woman who's his equal - she's a WW, she's letting me support her, she uses drugs and alcohol along with him, she has few, if any, friends and can't keep the ones she gets (I know her because she used to be an employee).

I'm glad you're feeling better and made it back here. I'll definitely be praying for you. You're clearly a strong, loving woman and eventually this will all be in the past.

NotPeachy~
Sorry to hear things have been so awful, have missed hearing from you on MB.
Will be praying for you!! Things will get better, i promise <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Be strong my lady.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Peachy,

Just stopping in to say sorry for all your saddness. Please try hard to do something nice for yourself tomorrow. Even if it's for 30 minutes.

On the lock change thing. You would be surprised how easily it is to change those locks yourself. Just go to home depot and get them. If you have trouble, I'm sure a neighbor would love to help.

You may need to ask your attorney about a restraining order, perhaps someone else can meet to pick up your son, or perhaps there can be an order that says he can only drop off in the drive, I don't know what the law is or if it can be done.

Take care,

ANNA

Peach, you've been heavy on my mind since reading your post.

Thinking of you, praying for you and your son, for strength and protection.

Wish there was more I could say or do right now.

Son came home last night from weekend visitation at Deucey's.

Deucey is at door and says that "i have a check for you...a thousand". I say that you still owe me over three thousand and a few hundred left. He storms off and says "i will not even give you this check until you TREAT ME WITH RESPECT." I just smiled and shut door. I do not even allow him on doorstep.

Then comes the huge kicker. As you know, my expensive watch is missing. Went missing two weeks ago. Right after the nonpayment stuff was in high gear. I at first thought my son had misplaced it as he is always finding me sparkly things and giving them to me as presents so I went through all the toy boxes and his room like a fine tooth comb. Son is in five minutes and says that "mommy, remember when you said I could have a quarter if I found your watch, well I found it." I asked him to bring it to me, thinking it was upstairs all along and son said this : "IT IS IN THE UPSTAIRS, IN DADDY'S BEDROOM IN THE CLOSET IN A DRAWER". And then found out that Deucey knows son found it and told him "NO" when son said he wanted to bring it back to me.

I called attorneys and left a vm. And I am seriously thinking. Also changing locks tomorrow and hidden all valuables at neighbors. Police are doing drive by's for me also. I am not sure how to legally proceed, but this watch is a rolex and can pay for a down payment on a new house for son and I.

He is lost. He is a liar and an awful person and now a thief enlisting help and telling my son to cover up for him. I am scared until locks are changed that I will come in and he will be there. But my neighbors are laying for him. Both on either side are stay at home and are watching carefully. I have modified my coming and going except for work.

This is getting wierder and wierder the closer to finalization it gets.

I am wondering if he is going to sell it and use $$$ to buy Ms. Family Values a Valentine's gifr or just sell it because he gave it to me and thus in his twisted mind, he can take it away.

My lawyers will hit the roof. If this is proved, it may mean jail time, most definitely the restraining order will be placed and he may be not allowed ANY visitation unless supervised with son if this is proven. He is so slick though. But I am not letting on at all to him in any way that I know his

oops..had to inject a patient. Can't remember my train of thought anyway.

But that is where this whole poop pile stands.

He is a thief probably. We will get the restraining order and I am hoping a recovery of the watch, mostly for principle as my son WILL NOT BE AN ACCOMPLICE NOR GROW UP WITH THESE VALUES THAT HIS FATHER HAS. His father, Deucey shall reap what he sowes..

So it is one of three things. Either he's gone zonko, or he is a criminal or he is on maybe drugs. I don't know but maybe God is allowing his downward spiral to continue so that my son will be with me always. That would be best. And I would like for him to have a healthy relationship with his dad, but his DAD IS NOT HEALTHY ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

notpeachy - I just wanted to let you know that - I was thinking about you - and I had wondered where you have been - I am so sorry that your husband - soon to be ex - has completely lost his marbles - But you will continue on and your son will have a fine role model in you ... Once you have made it through this crap you will be able to make it through anything - Stay Strong.... Thinking about me... Mimi

HI Notpeachy, I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and suffering through this time. I will be praying for you, hang in there you are gonna come through this. Keep on praying for D as well, as hard as it is, like you said he is soooo lost. May God break through his stoney heart, and break this man bringing him to his knees in repentance before God! God is able to do this, we just need to pray.
Also may God give you the strength you need to get through this time. Know that He will provide for you in every way, He is faithful and loves you so much...
Stay in touch with us, and know that you have many friends here....
Love in Christ, Monika

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
<strong>Sorry, no payments from Deucey since December. I haven't been paid for two months now.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Join the club, I am in the same situation. My soon to be X hasn't provided the wage answers discovery for 9 months. Now he quit his job. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi Notpeachyinga,

I have not been here for quite some time and only came to these forums for maybe a couple weeks awhile ago (right after my divorce in November). Today I decided to take a peek in and for whatever reason, I chose to read your post! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am really heartbroken for you and for the pain that I know you must feel. I can see that you feel betrayed, mistreated, taken advantage of, etc. I know that divorce is one of THE most painful things that can happen in our lives.

I cannot relate to all you've been through and I'm not aware of all your story (why you divorced, how long you were married,etc), but I do know, from my own experience, that divorce is so horrible because God never intended it to happen! Of course, He also didn't intend for men to mistreat their wives or for wives to mistreat husbands.

There is always HOPE and a better way with Christ in our lives; unfortunately, Satan's goal is to destroy people, destroy marriages, and ultimately, destroy hope and love and people's relationships with God. I know that when you and your husband first married, you never forsaw this (neither did he) nor did either of you want it. And God certainly did not want it for you either.

I do believe with all my heart that this was never God's will... for your marriage to end this way, with all the hurt and anger and bitterness and everything else. I read some of your previous posts to get some more background on your situation so I could speak with some sort of wisdom here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , and it is very clear how Satan has done much to destroy you both. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It makes me very sad.

I also have experienced divorce after only 6 mo. of marriage and I am currently praying and hoping for reconciliation. It has definitely not been easy but has been the most painful, shameful, awful thing I've experienced. And... there are many things I could say about my husband and what he did wrong; however, there are also thing he could say about what I did wrong.

I believe that in divorce... usually both people have anger, hurt, and a whole bunch of things they could say about the other person. I believe that divorce can cause some of the greatest bitterness imaginable. When someone who made vows to you has broken them... well, it is reason for bitterness.

I want to say this gently to you, and I hope you will be able to "swallow" this, but I can see that you are filled with much anger and even rage towards your husband. You have MANY reasons to be angry and anger is a valid emotion and not wrong although if we sin in our anger, then it has become wrong because it is controlling us to the point that we are sinning.

You have mentioned that you are a woman of faith so I am assuming you are a Christian and I want to encourage you to turn to God with your fears, your hurts, your anger, everything you are feeling. Believe me, I know how hard it is! I have been so tempted so many times to just tear into my husband and tell him everything wrong he's done and how I feel about it! But, the few times that I have, well, all it did was cause him to feel defensive, wronged, and he responded with anger.

Anyways, I know that you must feel very alone right now and very wronged and hurt, and you are longing for empathy and compassion and understanding. But, I sense from your posts that you are seeking words/comfort/advice from man (people on here) more than from God. I do not know your relationship with God, but I think that there are many things you've shared in these posts that maybe should only be shared with God (and maybe a very Godly pastor).

I say this because I think the anger is "eating" you up to the point that you seem to be consumed with it and are sinning in it because you are slandering your husband... calling him names and sharing many "bad" things about him. I think if he knew what was being said about him in these forums, well, I'm sure he'd be upset. I know that you must feel that he deserves it and does not deserve respect, but... that's really not true.

God LOVES your husband and you did once as well. I know your husband has committed great sins against you, and I can really feel for you because it is very difficult when the men we love hurt us and wrong us... and I guess I can share with you what has given me strength and comfort... and that is remembering Christ. He was mocked, he was mistreated, he was KILLED by people who had NO compassion for him whatsoever... yet, he was perfectly innocent... and he LOVED these people. He is our example of how to make it through life when others mistreat us.

There are some verses I want to share with you and I share these because I also at first slandered my husband and shared things (gossiped) when I shouldn't have. I believe that my big mouth contributed to the hardening of my husband's heart and in turn, he then slandered me as well. Then, well, I knew how it felt!

I believe that God's Word is very clear and straightforward about how we are to treat people... even our enemies (in essence, your husband is like your enemy right now). I believe he will also hold us accountable for our words and actions. I do not mean for any of this to sound harsh or judgmental, but I do want to encourage you as a sister in Christ.

Ephesians4:29-31 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.... Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."

Psalm 15:1-3 "Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue...."

Proverbs 10: 18-19 "... whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."

I also encourage you to seek God and His Word because the world is going to give you advice that is very contradictory to His Word and ways. The world says, "get back", "stand up for yourself", "don't take that", etc. God says, however, that we are to do good to our enemies, we are to trust Him to deliver us, we even are blessed if we suffer for doing right.

I know that sounds pretty "crazy" but His ways are higher and better than ours and our hearts can easily deceive us into thinking that what we are doing is right and deserved, etc.

You cannot control what your husband does, but you can control what you do and you are accountable for what you do and say. What I see between you and your husband is this all-out very vicious and hateful "war" that is getting worse and worse.

I know this might sound "lame" to others, but I truly do not think it is beneficial to try to make him look like he's "crazy", "evil", etc. to others (on here or in your life) or even your lawyers. I think the more you do that, the more he will just respond hatefully and then you respond hatefully, etc.

I saw that happen with my husband and me. It didn't have to happen that way, but instead of being humble and trusting God, I was contentious and blamed my husband and stood up for myself not "allowing" him to treat me as he did. Instead, looking back, I wish I had just simply had a "gentle and quiet spirit" and trusted the Lord and guarded my tongue, etc.

I told God that I would encourage other hurting women and marriages with the things I have learned from my mistakes and my experience, and that is what I want to do with you on here. In no way am I trying to minimize your pain or the seriousness & gravity of the situation, but I can tell you this: God CAN take care of your finances (even without your husband's help), God CAN heal your heart, God CAN even bring peace between you and your husband. Yes, it looks impossible, but with God there is nothing impossible. God CAN help you to handle this in such a way that you are able to endure it and bear it without slandering your husband. God will bless you for doing right even in the face of your husband's wrongdoing.

Something else that has helped me is journaling. I share very little with anyone about my husband and marriage problems... not even my family. The reason is, everyone has their opinion and wants to share it! I do not want to give anyone reason to hate my husband or to say bad things about him. I don't want to make him look bad or share the wrongs he's done. I also don't want to receive ungodly or wrong advice from well-meaning people. People do mean well... they don't want to see us hurt or suffer; yet, sometimes God actually calls us to suffer.

Remember when Peter told Jesus: "NO!" and said that he couldn't die and Jesus called him Satan! At that moment, Peter's beliefs/advice was not from God but was from Satan. Well, even Christians and loving people can give us advice that is not from God but is actually Satan's lies that are so subtle sometimes we don't even realize we are believing them and sharing them with others. So I guard what I say and who I say it to.

I have two prayer partners and they are the only ones who I really share anything with. They are both Christian women going through the same things. I am still careful though not to slander my husband or even focus on him.

I learned that I needed to focus on me and ask God what He wanted me to change, where I needed to grow, etc. I learned how to forgive my husband and love him despite his wrongdoing. I learned to immerse myself in the Word and for the FIRST time in my life, I learned to seek God with my grievances towards others rather than sharing them with others. And every time I shared some gripe or complaint (about my husband or his family), I felt a pange of sorrow knowing it was not right.

Anyways, this is pretty long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I don't know if it has been received well although I hope it has. I do not know your situation and the depths of your pain, but I will pray for you because none of this is easy and it all really stinks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> God can help you through it all though. He also wants to help your husband. Although you may not be able to see it, I do believe that somewhere in your husband's heart he is sad and probably still loves you (but he has a hate wall up as you do because of all the hurt and everything else that has occurred between the two of you that I'm sure began before the divorce).

God bless you and be with you. I will pray for both you and your husband and son. If you are interested, there are some other good websites that are ministries for women (and men) going through divorce. I can share them with you if you would like-- they really have ministered to me alot.

Hang in there!!!! May God be near you. He is close to the brokenhearted!

Hi Peachy,

I've been reading you posts for a while, but rarely post myself. Lurking mostly... Marriagebuilder's principals only work for normal people. You are dealing with phycho, the rules are totally different.
Please come to this board.
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/messages.msnw
All women there (myself included) have similar horror experience with their ex's. Reading the forum helped me tremendously.

Hug

Thanks guys...

Jerko callsme today and says that he "doesn't know what day he is to have our son" and acts as though he really is not doing well financially. Then he keeps going on and on before I hang up saying that "I really wanted after our divorce to be your best friend"...What a buch of lies. This man lied and cheated and abused and is now lying so much it is scary.

I am not slandering anyone. Slander is only if you have NOT done the actions you are being accused of. If the glove doesn't fit you must acquit (lol). And his glove fits. I do pray for him. But you must read back to the beginning if you are going to want to know. That goes back two years now.

And I am now checking the website for narcissistic pers. disorder.

I need lots of prayer. He's messed up my credit. I had no nest egg at all. Was a stay at home mom before last year and used what little bit of savings I had to help this situation since he quit paying us two months ago. So the financial outlook is not good and he has forced me into a corner. Each time he talks, which is sooo rarely to me as I have placed boundaries...Really big, big plan B boundaries in place. But when he gets that tiny bit of audience with me, he keeps saying that "I should sit down and meet with him to work through this". Fine. Sure. That would be great IF HE WERE IN ANY WAY TRUSTWORTHY OR A NORMAL PERSON.

Oh, and as it seems, Ms. Family Values is laughable also. She sent Deucey an email about the Columbia disaster and how to pray for families....That is fine, but how about her PRAYING AND WORKING ON HER OWN FAMILY AND NOT SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH HER TWO YEAR OLD SON UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS A MARRIED MAN AND HIS SON??? And Deucey forwards the email to me thinking I do not know her name...lol...!

Foggy, foggy people. And it is him being taken over by sin and my anger has to be vented. So I post here and go to the gym. Seems to work great. And t night I pray....

Alot is on my back, alot that I never asked for. Almost too much is on my back imho. Gotta go. Son wwants to play and I am tired from work.

Love to you all.

Calling him names such as "jerkso" and "jerk" and "pseudo-father" other names you have called him is not right. It is derogatory towards him and self-righteous on your part. God loves this man just as much as He also loves you. NO ONE is beyond God's love, God's grace, God's forgiveness, or God's healing.

When you say things like "his ego is out of control" and "that is how a crazy brain works" and when you say, "Ms. Family Values is laughable"... that is slander and very judgemental and condemning remarks. You have condemned your husband and shared with the internet world here how he is crazy, a liar, a jerk, etc., etc.

The Bible says that a Godly woman is to have a "gentle and quiet" spirit that is "precious" in God's sight. In Proverbs it says that a kindhearted woman is respected. And there are many other verses about how we are to handle problems with people... EVEN serious ones such as you face.

I know you are hurting, angry, upset, but your bitterness will only eat you away and things WILL get worse. I would venture to say that there is no way you will see any kindness from your husband if this is how you speak to him (and about him). You will only cause him to feel more hatred towards you. And he will NOT have compassion towards you in any way.

I also believe that God will not bless or protect you if you are treating your husband in this manner. I believe that things will only get worse for you... financially and every other way.

We reap what we sow and if you call him names and say hateful things about him (or to him)... you will reap from that. He will NOT pay you if you treat him this way because he will only feel hatred and vengeance towards you.

I hate to say this, but I think you need to hear it. IF this is how you spoke to him and treated him in your marriage, then I cannot blame him for leaving and even having an affair. Not that it is right by any means because it is not. But in Proverbs it says that a "wise woman builds her house but with her own hands a foolish woman tears it down." There are also many verses about how awful it is to live with a contentious or complaining woman and how it's better to live on the roof or in a tiny attic corner than with a disagreeable woman.

None of us know your husband and we only hear your side of things. And I do not agree with you that your anger "has" to be vented. There are many, many people who are able to manage their anger in positive ways... even people who've been very wronged and very mistreated.

I sincerely believe that you need to focus on yourself and not your husband. You cannot in any way change him and you cannot change the circumstances in this manner (feeling hate and bitterness). I truly believe you will only see him become more hateful towards you and treat you even worse.

You mentioned that your husband said to you that he wouldn't give you a check unless you treated him with respect. I think any normal man if his wife was treating him in this way (I don't know how you treat him but can only assume from how I see you treat him "behind his back" on these forums) would want NOTHING to do with her.

Men want to be respected and it is a very huge need of theirs that God has created. It says in the Bible to women to "respect" their husbands. I believe God knew we'd have a hard time respecting them and that we'd fall into temptation of disrespecting them by our words and actions.

I see much disrespect in your words. Your husband has done wrong I'm sure; but you have also. I am sure that you both contributed to the demise of your marriage and neither of you was sinless, and I think God will bless you and hear your prayers if you begin to focus on yourself and not your husband. You need to focus on your own sin and wrongdoing and repent of it.

I say this as a woman who has done the same and continues to. I did what many woman do and I blamed my husband and pointed my finger at him and didn't respect him, and I saw his heart turn cold towards me. He is a Godly, kind, good man who I still love very much, but even a Godly, good man will grow cold and angry if his wife disrespects him.

Anyways...I am not sure if you are seeking advice or sympathy or maybe just prayer on here, and I realize you are hurting, and I encourage you to seek God, to change yourself and not try to change your husband, to trust God to get you through this, and to treat your husband as God would want you to because He will bless you if you do. The Bible says we are to love even our enemies!! It doesn't mean we have to be their best friend, etc... but calling them jerk and sharing all their sins to people is NOT loving.

Remember when Peter sinned and denied Jesus 3x? Did Jesus go and tell everyone? Did he say, "What an idiot! What a jerk! He said he wouldn't deny me and he did. He is such a liar! I can't trust him and he lied to people and I did everything for him. I gave him my heart and look what he did to me. Can you believe it?! He is such a jerk!" NO!!!!!!!!

Again, I think as Godly women, we need to have discernment, discretion, and self-control in our words. We do not need to broadcast our husband's sins all over the place. I could give you a huge gripe list about my husband and a bunch of other people in my life who've wronged me but I'm sure they could give you a gripe list about me as well. There is a point where information is shared.... such as "My husband divorced me. My husband is living with another woman. My husband has hurt me and I am having a hard time". And then there is a point where it no longer is your husband's problem but is yours when you are calling him names and sharing all his sins in condemning ways... because then it is you lacking discretion and self-control.

I say this as another woman who has been there and who has learned from her mistakes. And again... I truly believe things will only get worse and you will never again see your husband's kindness unless you treat him differently... with respect (as he's asked) DESPITE how he might behave or treat you. It doesn't mean you become his best friend necessarily. It is clear you do not desire reconciliation with him. But... you can still treat him as you ought to treat every person... with respect and kindness EVEN IF they have sinned.

If God treated us as we deserved, well, we'd all be dead and suffering in hell!

God bless and again, I say this as a sister in the Lord.

Ms. Deborah Ann

I can't believe the flash of red-hot anger I felt for notpeachy at reading your smug, self-righteous, condescending full-of-disrespectful-judgments response to a woman who is being starved into submission by an evil satanic man. HOW DARE YOU!!!!

Ok, got the flash down to an ember here. Ms. Deborah Ann, I am very very suspicious at phrases such as "I cannot blame him for leaving and even having an affair" and "wise woman builds her house but with her own hands a foolish woman tears it down." There are also many verses about how awful it is to live with a contentious or complaining woman and how it's better to live on the roof or in a tiny attic corner than with a disagreeable woman" - when if you knew anything, you'd know that this woman was a kind, compassionate, patient wife, who's "sainted" husband kicked her out of her own home and now is starving her into a settlement that leaves her destitute - he continually treats her with disrespect, barging into her home and verbally abusing her and berating her.

BTW, Deborah Ann, if you are the woman I think you are, just think - this could be an omen of what you are in for if you continue your relationship with Deucey! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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and Deborah Ann, if I do happen to be wrong, my apologies. The bold-faced condescension, cruelty and ignorance in your post took my breath away and I plead momentary insanity! Surely even a religious zealot understands that Jesus Christ Himself would surely take notpeachy in His arms and let her grieve the loss of her heart and her life - definitely far from the "comfort" you gave her. I ask you to report back to your doctrine for further education on the nature of Jesus Christ!

<small>[ February 06, 2003, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

Well said, KaylaAndy. I couldn't believe what i was reading. What a crude response to NotPeachy, after all that poor thing has been thru.
Hugz to you Peachy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
becky