Hey Deborah Ann - the Bible also says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." In fact, it is one of the "Big Ten" that override all of the other stuff you wrote about.....and ol'Deucy is an expert at it.

I don't normally risk fanning a flame war, but that post has IMPOSTER written all over it. It's been over an hour since I read it and I still flinch at the thought of notpeachy reading that toxic *#$&^%!

Scripture can be comforting. But in the hands of the wrong person, it smells of abuse, control, and usurping the power of God in someone's life. If it was written in ignorance, we'll never know for sure. But the way it was written, to inflict the maximum amount of pain to someone as devoted to Christ as notpeachy is, whew. infuriating. God help Deborah - I can't imagine she wrote this in ignorance. No one is that incredibly insensitive, no matter how ignorant they might be. But hey, I've been wrong before. It could happen. Just ask Kasey - well, he'll tell you I'm never wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ February 06, 2003, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

DA sure has the look and smell of an OW. I hope I am wrong but I see others agree.

This is a place to come get help, and venting counts as help.

Peachy, hope you are all right. It is hard when SAHM are forced out in the world. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> However, one thing about GRITS,we are Steel Magnolias and we can do anything.

I knew my advice and words would be not be received well. When we speak the truth of God's Word... it often is not received well.

I was surprised though at the suspicion of me being the OW. I was not expecting that! You can rest assured, I do not even know the other woman... nor do I know peachy or her husband or anyone else on here. I have no way to prove that I am not her, but, I can only say that I'm not.

On the contrary, I am a Christian woman who has read peachy's posts and saw a VERY bitter, angry woman full of rage and hate. Yes, she has every reason to be bitter, angry, etc... HOWEVER it is NOT going to do her any good and will only hurt her even more.

She will be eaten away by it and she will find no peace until she can let go of her bitterness towards her husband. And again like I said... he will only treat her even worse.

Yes, Kayla, Jesus would take her into his arms and comfort her. He has great, great compassion and love for us. Much more than I think we even realize. But He also speaks very clearly to us about how we are to treat others.... REGARDLESS of how they treat us.

Prov 29:11 "A fool gives fool vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

This is how wars and fights begin. Someone treats someone badly and we fight back which angers them more and they fight back and then we fight back and welll... it just gets worse and worse and becomes an all-out war full of hatred and bitterness and rage.

Prov 10:12 "Hatred STIRS UP dissension..."

Gal. 5:15 "If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."

Our world has a very "get even" mentality that seeks vengenece and that becomes angry and bitter when wronged. But that is not God's way. God is the one who will take care of the "vengeance" and He tells us to trust Him.

I am not saying she should reconcile with him, etc... but... well, I guess I just saw this particular thread as a "bash Deucey" thread and I don't think that is beneficial for her... EVEN IF he is an evil man.

Prov. 11:12 "A man who lacks judgment derides [shows his contempt openly] his neighbor, but a man of understanding HOLDS HIS TONGUE."

From my own experience, the more I dwelled on my husband's wrongdoings and the more I talked about them and nursed my wounds, the angrier and more bitter I became... not only that, but I lacked peace and joy and felt very unhappy, etc.

But when I chose to forgive him and when I stopped talking about it so much but turned to God and poured my heart out to Him, and as I released my anger and asked God to heal my wounds... well, I found peace again.

Romans 12:14 "Bless those who persecute you; bless and DO NOT CURSE."

We are not to curse others even if they are persecuting us and evil, etc. It's because God loves us and He knows that if we curse... well, we are making things worse and we are also being consumed by our anger and range and bitterness and it will hurt us!

Prov. 13:3 "He who guards his lips guards his life..."

The ways of the Lord are soooooooo unlike the ways of the world and I know peachy is hurting and none of it has been right or fair or good. There are certainly no easy answers at all to her situation.

But again... she can do NOTHING to change her husband. Only God can change him. Yes, she can protect herself if she needs to do that, but again I do not think it is beneficial to her to share all of her husband's sins, etc. I believe that God can use all of this to do a good work in her but she will have to focus on herself in order for that to happen.

Not beat herself up! Not carry needless guilt or shame, etc. But MANY women are contentious women and it DOES drive thier husbands away from them. Ask any man! If his wife does not respect him, he is an unhappy man. The Bible says that we are to examine ourselves and we are to take care of our own sin and the Lord WILL bless us for that.

I know that I felt very, very upset when my husband expressed his anger at ways I treated him. I felt I was justified because I felt that he treated me in ways that MADE me respond as I did. I was more concerned with him seeing his wrong ways than I was with seeing my own.

Later, as I examined myself, difficult as it was, I saw that many of his complaints were valid and I SINNED as much as he had and I realized that God wanted me to repent of MY sin while He handled my husband.

It did me NO good to point out my husband's sins to him or to others. It only stirred the fire and made things worse because well... what person does not get angry when they are being talked about (even if it is true) or called names? Any person will react defensively and with anger.

Prov. 30:33 "... stirring up anger produces strife."

I encourage peachy to seek counseling from a Godly pastor and to seek out support from people at your church. Maybe you have? I don't know, but I think a Chrsitian counselor and/or pastor could help you through this.

I can totally understand your anger and hate for your husband and only encourage you again to turn to God and give your pain to Him and to pray, pray, pray and be in the Word finding comfort and wisdom and strength. I do not think though that calling him names, etc. will do any good except to place you in a postion of being better than him and I think it only stirs up your anger and makes it worse...

Eph. 4:26 "In your anger do not sin."

Of course, it's a free world and free forums <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and you can call him all the names you want but as a sister in Christ, I again encourage you to trust God, to not slander your husband so that you are doing right regardless of the wrong he is doing, and to quiet your heart so that God can heal you.

James 1:19-20 "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

I am also encouraging you to make yourself right with God because His Word says "When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies be at peace with him." Prov. 16:7

Believe me... I know how very, very difficult it is to be mistreated and to not tell everyone about it. It feels sooooooo unfair, so painful, so horrible!! But God tells us to turn to Him and let Him deal with it because He is GOD and we are not, and His ways are so much higher than ours. EVEN in our worst pain, we are to still obey Him.

Psalm 101:5 "Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him I will destroy."

DeborahAnn,

Everything in your post does speak truth. As you said the truth is hard to handle.We would rather have our ears tickled than to listen to the truth.
Everything in your post is backed by God's word and principles.

God showed me the truth ,as He has you ,when I was at my lowest. I was mad at the world. I have true peace now because I trust God for everything. I would love for everyone to find the freedom that comes from learning God's truth. I do just pray that for many that show so much bitterness toward others.It would be great to see that prayer answered more. I believe it will be because the bitterness will keep you a prisoner to sin. If we seek Him and His ways , He will humble us. He humbled me and my eyes where opened to so much. I praise Him for freedom.

We must die to self. I pray that for all that have not learned that truth.I praise God for showing you that truth. I believe what you are trying to say can be sumed up as follows:

RO 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

RO 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

This includes everyone, husbands too.My husband's sin is between him and God. Praise God I am relieved of that job.I let God be God and remember I am a sinner also.

I praise you for your truth and for allowing God to change you. It is good that you care for your sisters in Christ.I know it is your true concern.
I also know there is no way you are OW by the truth you speak.

Love is the greatest.

6 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

MT 22:37 Jesus replied: " `Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: `Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

1CO 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

gentle

<small>[ February 07, 2003, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Deborah Ann:

GET OFF MY POSTS..Find another avenue and someone else who will believe the self righteous bs.

I have been posting here two years now. I have been emotionally and physically abused by this man. You don't know half of it. I stayed and worked on the m for over two years and was the kind and gentle woman. But he has run all over my son and I and has subjected my son to seeing his lifestyle which I am not at all morally happy with. Having his mistresses spend the night under same roof with her child and even my child in the same room. So quit. You do not know how I treat him now in person either. .I am indifferent. NOT DISRESPECTFUL BUT INDIFFERENT. And as a woman who's lived a hellish life because of the choices her stbx has made, I find your comments ANYTHING BUT FAITH ORIENTED.

Just don't post to me again and don't read it if you don't like it. And btw, you do sound just like something that ms. family values would write..

And gentle, I appreciate your words but remember we've had this discussion once before.

I am not debating anyone theologically here. Not at all. If you don't like what you read you can post with better alternatives or ideas but to spiritually attack someone who has had so much happen to them and their family is HORRIBLE.

Thanks friends..I appreciate the help and support.

Peachy,

I wanted you to know that you are being thought of (from up north in cold ol' Nebraska, brrrrr)!

You vent any time you need too dear! Venting can be found all over these forums and is encouraged by many! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My children are now 29, 26, married with children. Their father, years ago, was behind in child support to the tune of over $13,000.00, while continuing to have MORE children, with two more wives. I know what you must be going through!

Gayle

P.S. Boy have things changed around here in three years! I've have NEVER seen so many posters beat up with quotes from the "good book"! We aren't in church and this isn't a christian website. What if your higher power isn't......never mind! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks nebraska bud!

I am glad to see you're also a survivor of this kinda situation also.

And no, this is to be an encouraging website and not a Bible thumping smack-you-when you are vulernable site. Things definitely sure have changed over the last two years since I started posting.

And will ALL THE PEOPLE CONFUSING MB PRINCIPLES WITH ALL RELIGIOUS SITES PLEASE STOP CONFUSING ISSUES HERE? We all know I am going to get a d. I didn't want it and did all I could do to prevent it. So worry about your own lives and understand that our same God we worship does in fact allow divorce under certain circumstances and BOY DO I HAVE THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES.

I am doing ok. Heard from lawyers today. Hopefully will be in front of a judge by friday and it is hurting my job. They don't like rescheduling patients just because I MIGHT have a trial. Emergency hearings have to be fit in.
He is financially ruining me and he wants to. But I know that I did all I could do for my marriage and I do all I can do for my son now. Other than this stress, I am doing good.

I cry sometimes still because I cannot believe after all he put my son and I through that he could do this to us now. I keep looking forward to the day when I am able to have a tiny bit of financial security. Just basically down a bit over this financial stress.

I am scared what is going to happen after the divorce though. Son told me that OW's child has his crib in the spare room across from stbx's master bedroom. Sounds like they are stayin there alot. I am worried that son is going to be subjected to this horrible stuff for a good while to come. But like I told Ms. Family Values, "this could be you in five years". And I hope not. I hope she will realize how badly this man has treated his OWN family and understand that she has to be a good role model for her own son and only has one chance to raise him properly.

I am looking around for other jobs and have a headhunter looking for me as well. Got an interview for a pharmaceutical sales position as well with paid car and extras that I really need now for son. And it would allow me a day at home during the week so I can spend extra time with son which he really needs. Just would have to do two weeks away every six months during the first year for training but it would be so much better financially for son and I. I have to be strong for son and do all I can. Although I know the courts will take care of Deucey and that this situation will somehow be resolved, I CANNOT EVER LIVE WITH THE FEAR I HAVE NOW OF LOSING EVERYTHING FINANCIALLY. Not for me, but for son. I am his stability. He depends on me and I have to do all I can do for him. Have put me on the backburner for so long now that if the courts give me only half of what I think I could get, I will feel like a queen! Remember though that I am living on less than one third of what I had financially before so don't think me materialistic whatsoever.

I have got to go. Son and I are off to gym and then home to cook dinner. Thanks for your thoughts and encouragements and prayers. It's been really tough and this last month before it is final I predict will only get tougher. But I see a light at the end of this dark tunnel for us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NOTPEACHY,
Thinking about you too, and praying for you and your little one.
I emailed you yesterday, if you ever need to just chat, feel free to email me.
Becky

Hi Peachy - Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

This financial "stuff" is so awful. I'm going through something similiar right now, as my stbxh is STILL without a job, after almost a year and my hearing for temp support is next week. This should be very interesting....

I'm like you, living on about a third or less of what there was before, and like you, I can gladly do without, but my D's 17th b'day is this weekend and she wants a pizza party for about 30 kids...with all she's been through, how can I say "can't afford it?" Somehow, it will happen.

I'm so glad you can tie a knot and hang in there, seeing the glimmer of light at the end of this very long tunnel....just think, when people say they have been to "hell and back", you can smile and say, why yes, I paved the road there!!

You're one strong, determined lady and HE loses big time.....big time....JMVHO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Peachy....I have been keeping up with your post and in my prayers I always ask for God to convict all the WS so hard that they will see what they are doing to their families and they would turn back and treat their families how they should be treated. It really hurts me to see you being treated like this and I really pray God will turn the spouses somehow to see the pain they are causing.
I am praying fervently for everyone here.

Love in Christ
cajunky

{{{notpeachy}}}

Wow, read this thread when it first posted, but didn't have time to reply. Hope things are better for you now.

I just about fell out of my chair reading DeborahAnn's reply post... never had I read something like it in 2.5 years on this board. After what these men have done to their families; their INTENT to destroy us... how anyone can say we don't have the right to vent is just WRONG!

I'm not a violent person, but if someone sat there and tried to quote the bible at me about how I should react to my ex after all he did to me and mine... they'd be pulling a bible out of their backside.

My divorce is over in the fact that I am single again, but I still have to deal with all the financial stuff. It IS scary and we are responsible for our children, and that FEAR eats at us on a daily basis. My ex doesn't give a damn about his kids except the monetary value that they represent. He has done everything possible to ruin me, and I'll be years trying to pull myself out of it, but I'm going to try, cause I'm not going to let my kids see me give up. There's been times that I would rather just go crawl in a hole and die, but I CAN'T, someone has to take care of the kids, the animals, etc.

I still get overwhelmed, I still am scared, but all I can do is take one day at a time. It does help having some sort of restraining order... at least then they aren't in your face and pushing all the buttons which are easier to push because we are at their mercy financially, we are trying to deal with them not contributing to helping in any manner and actually doing thier best to make matters worse.

It is our nature as mothers to protect our children; it may be easy against a stranger, but when the one you are protecting them from is their own father, it makes it difficult because there is no black and white answer, it is all a shade of very messy gray!

That society has become one that in which there are more and more fathers and mothers who totally disregard their children is what is really wrong. That different types of abuse are more rampant and in some cases, almost acceptable, is totally sickening. The legal system really does nothing to protect us; divorce is just splitting up assets as equally as possible. There is no justice against the type of people like my ex or Duecy.

Peachy... sometimes we have to grow fangs! I'm learning to snarl, and if my ex gives me reason, I will not hesitate to bite. Yes, I have moved on, but he's still out there with intentions to destroy, and if nothing else in the past 2.5 years, I learned what I need to do to protect me and my girls.

Good luck in court and I hope the judge does the right thing!

Lori

Peachy - do you have a restraining order to keep this man out of your home? Sounds like you need one.

When my x is on the warpath, remember I did file an incident report on him last fall after he threw his carkeys and him son with them, I leave my answering machine off. I find that one less way he can throw those verbal/emotional punches.

We definitely communicate better by e-mail.

So, do you want me to report DA's yucky post? I have learned to, upon occaision, show a little moxey.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have learned to, upon occaision, show a little moxey. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm in!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />