My wife and I have been married 17 yrs. she got hooked on chat rooms and within 6 mo. was leaving me and 3 kids and filing for divorce. she moved in with the prince but soon found him to be a frog. she wanted to come home and I let her for sake of kids. It's been 6 mo. since she moved back. We get along ok and have had many discussions about our future together. I feel betrayed and have trouble commiting my heart to her again.We began doing some of the things recommended by Marriage Builders, but we're not making much progress. I feel like I don't know her anymore. Sould we stay together for the kids?

You don't know her anymore, because she is changed. what will be interesting to understand is how she feels she has changed as a result of running off and being duped. . .

would be interesting for her to express what part of her did internet guy fill? what feelings did she have that weren't there before?

just a hunch as to where to start to understand her.

billabong,

Have you tried the coaching/counseling provided by MB (call 888-639-1639 for an appointment)? It's usually a lot quicker to get professional help then to tackle this as a DIY project.

What I would find disturbing is the fact that she could abandon her children to be with her internet lover..Her love for her flesh and blood should have taken higher priority than to her lover.

Thanks for the imput "WhenI". There were things that I wasn't doing that she would have liked me to. When I found out about her changing needs I did my best to adjust to her without compromising my convictions about certain issues. After she had left for 2 mo. she agreed to give it another try but that I would have to "win her back". I began dating her again and things were goin very well. after a month she decided that she just wasn't in love with me anymore. I was doing all the things she wanted but I guess it wasn't enough. Now that she is back she no longer says that I need to win her but she just wants to be in love with me.
Yes "K", I would agree at this point that we need some help other than trying to do it on our own. Thanks for the advice.
"Tommaz", no one could believe that she could leave her children so easily. She has said that that was the most difficult part of leaving and the thing that haunted her most when she was gone. She has been doing a great job of being their mother again in the time she's been back.
Time has done alot so far in healing our relationship but it seems we've reached a roadblock and we are unsure of what the next step is. It's time to seek help. Thanks for your concern. May God bless you for taking time to respond.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by billabong34736:
<strong> I did my best to adjust to her without compromising my convictions about certain issues.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly does this mean? How do you define "comprimise"? I'm just curious about this statement.

Billabong,
I think you're a wonderful person to have taken her back.

I agree with another poster here--find out what sort of needs the internet man fulfilled.--but on the other hand, read below at my perspective--

I'm divorced due to my A with a man that started on the internet. He eventually moved locally--a year after my separation. We never lived together.

All I can say is this--meeting someone on the internet and falling in love with them is like falling in love with a COMPLETE fantasy. I would look at it as if your wife simply 'checked out' of life for awhile, like she simply wanted to escape from the realities of daily life. She took it very far, moving in with him--and leaving your kids. Thank God she woke up, and even more so--thank God you took her back.

The internet is so engrossing--through the typed words here we can be whomever we care to be, if we choose to lie-- and when we read things we project our own fantasies onto what we read.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. In time it will get better. Have you considered counselling?

I'm amazed at your ability to forgive, it's wonderful. I am praying for forgiveness from my exH!

Just my thoughts,
H_P

Dear Annavon, My wife had stopped drinking 15 yrs ago. When she began going through this crisis she wanted to start drinking and going to clubs. I could not condone that yet at the same time I wanted to help her get through this so I would take her on a date where we would go to a club. I would not drink. It got to the point where I no longer was willing to take her out and watch her get drunk. I would not compromise in that way. I wanted to do whatever it took to make her happy and to have her stay but that was not helping her.
Dear Hopeful. You are absolutely correct. It was a way of escape for her. There were many other circumstances that led up to her leaving which would take hours to convey. Maybe it was some form of mid life crisis. She had just turned forty,she was a stay at home mom, she home schooled our children. I didn't see the signs until it was too late. We did go to counseling both together and individually for several months but she still chose to leave. Now that she's back and wants to make it work, I think it is time we seek counseling again. Forgiveness is a choice. It can be a very difficult choice to make. I have chosen not to hold those things my wife did to me and the kids against her. I'll admit sometimes it is extremely hard.