Everyone has given me some great advice. I have had several long conversations with my XH and I don't think there is much chance that he is interested in reconciling. We do have a great friendship now which I can't believe he is able to do. As most of you have stated, the most important thing to do from this point forward is continue working on myself. Just Learning recommended the recovery page. I think I'll check it out too. I will keep you posted as to how things go with the X and my growth.

Also, does anybody have thoughts on how the bible says a divorced woman cannot remarry again? It's pretty plain in stating that, but what about forgiveness? I know this opens up a whole new can of worms and a ton of different opinions, but it is really bugging me. I think the main reason I want to reconcile with my X (besides the fact that I still care about him deeply,) is because I know it is bibically correct. Is this a normal struggle or do I need to calm down?

Thanks!
Is it too late?

Iitl,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Also, does anybody have thoughts on how the bible says a divorced woman cannot remarry again? It's pretty plain in stating that, but what about forgiveness? I know this opens up a whole new can of worms and a ton of different opinions, but it is really bugging me. I think the main reason I want to reconcile with my X (besides the fact that I still care about him deeply,) is because I know it is bibically correct. Is this a normal struggle or do I need to calm down?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too have the same struggles and have a wide variety of opinions from strong Christians, including clergy.

D.

I have not read any of your other posts so I don't know how long you've been divorced or any of your situation, but no, I do not believe it's "too late". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have read amazing testimonies of restored marriages... marriages in which divorce and adultery has taken place... marriages where some were not restored for years and some sooner, but we cannot trust what our eyes see because faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do NOT see."

In our eyes, our spouse is gone... there is no hope for reconciliaton... we see a hardened spouse who no longer loves us; however, we have no idea what God may be doing or what lies around the corner... esp. if we are praying! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I do have some things to share with you on remarriage and I have studied quite a bit on marriage and divorce (since my own divorce in October) and read various books, articles, etc. on remarriage.

First of all, I believe the Bible is clear that reconciliation is what should happen with a divorced couple. I never understood the verses that said if a divorced spouse remarries it is adultery. I always thought that seemed "harsh" and couldn't possibly be right. Now, after my divorce, I understand.

If I remarry, my husband and I will not reconcile. God's desire is for my husband and I to remarry, not for me to marry another man. I made a covenant with my husband and the Bible says, "what God joined together, let no man tear asunder". God JOINED us and man (the judge, the courts...) may have "unjoined" us, but not in God's eyes. If I remarry another man, it is like I am cheating on my husband because I was one with Him-- God joined us as one.

HOWEVER... it is possible that the spouse who has left does not desire reconcilliation and then, I believe the other spouse can remarry.


The Bible allows widows to remarry. Tony Evans says that you are basically a widow if your husband has spiritually died. Also, I read a book by John McArthur in which he says much the same.

****edit****

But there is NO other justification for divorce in the Bible. In Malachi it says that God HATES divorce and in Deut. it explains how Moses allowed divorce ONLY because man's heart was hard and divorce protected the woman by giving her some rights so she couldn't just be kicked out on the street as many men would do to their wives who they were not satisfied with.

I do think that reconciliaton is very possible in many marriages, and I believe though that the road there may be one that is a difficult road with suffering and pain. But that is the road Christ took... suffering and pain. However, I also believe that it can be a great burden for a woman to carry by seeking reconciliation to a man who has abandoned her through divorce.

It is a matter to be bathed in prayer. I know for myself that I desire reconciliation right now although I believe that it is okay for me to remarry because my husband divorced me and is not open to reconciliation (and he was confronted by other Christians with Scripture on marriage/divorce). However, I don't desire anyone but him and I believe that reconciliation would be best.

Also, I did many things to harden his heart. Although he filed for divorce, I was very wrong in my ways and my sin contributed to it. However, I did not force him to file divorce papers, and if he choses to never forgive me and reconcile, well, I do believe I am free to remarry because he has basically abandoned me. I cannot twist his arm and convince him to remarry me. I do believe I am very much a "widow".

Before I came to this conclusion though, I studied a great deal in the Bible and books/articles by distinguished pastors & authors. Divorce is clearly unBiblical and wrong, but because of man's (and woman's) sin and hard heart, it happens. Reconciliation is God's plan. He says to a woman who divorces her husband must eihter reconcile with him or stay unmarried. Whew... that is a "hard" verse to accept.

I believe though this is for women whose husbands are willing to reconcile. It's talking to women who have left their husbands... not women who've been left by husbands. When a woman has been left by her husband against her will and if the reason is unBiblical and she is a believer... well, she's been abandoned and is a widow and that man is dead in his faith because he is not obeying God's word that says he is not to divorce his wife.

Now, if she's committed adultery, she must repent and seek his forgiveness and hope & pray for reconciliation.

I struggled greatly with the ideas of remarriaege and wondering what the Bible said, and I told God I'd stay unmarried because of what Scriptures said, but then as I studied more, I realized that an abandoned woman is a "widow" and widows are free to remarry. It is a great burden to tell a widowed woman that she cannot remarry. If a husband has left her for good and has no desire to obey God by reconciling with her, well, she has been widowed by that man.

However, IF he is open to reconciling, then I believe she must reconcile with him and not remarry... if he is repentant and wants to obey God, etc.

For me, I am praying for reconciliation and for God to show me if it is "impossible" for me. I would absolutely hate to remarry and then my husband decides he wants to reconcile. I would be so sad!! I desire more than anything to reconcile with him and am willing to wait for that. If he remarries, then I will obviously not wait for that anymore... but as long as he is still single, I think there is still hope.

Does this help at all??

God bless,

I have always been a little confused about the remarriage and forgiveness. In cases of extreme physical abuse, I question whether God would want that person to stay in that marriage and not be free to remarry.

I read an article just this week in a Christian publication (Gospel Minutes) on divorce. He says that in our Bible scripture the word fornication is used. However, the Greek word (and I don't remember it) means "sexual sin." That got me to asking what is sexual sin. Pornography, lust, masterbation?

Just something to research. I had never heard this before, but this was a question and answer by someone that I respect. But even at that, I will do my own research on this in the future. It sure clouded the issue in my mind.