i'm dealing with a woman with trust issues, i hate the whole concept of NOT TRUSTING someone, What causes a person to have TRUST issues anyway??My marriage is very much on the rocks and i STILL TRUST my wife, WHY doesnt she trust me?? I really thought she TRUSTED me when we married or I would have NEVER took that step,her lack of TRUST will in the end RUIN her life, as i cant take much more of that along with all the other problems in the marriage.Another question i have is, IF your spouse, man or woman, has trust issues,do they also have other life issues?? Alcohol,mental illness,past cheating spouse, childhood issues?? WHAT drives this irrational fear of DISTRUST?ANYONE have an opinion or a personal experience with DISTRUSt or trust issues??

My 2 cents is that there are many, mamy reasons why people have trust issues. I also think that many have other issues like all of the above. does your wife have any of those? Did she grow up in an alcoholic family? How long have you been married? Some additional information would be helpful in order to reply more specifically.

D.

my M wasnt on the rocks, x had retired got the job he had been waiting 20 yrs for, new house, thought our M was strong. X kept making fun of the guys on the force for cheating with the local town whores. not trusting came when I noticed a change in my H it wasnt just one, below is the list of changes. H turned into a stranger in a matter of months.

1. he didnt want to do anything around the house, saying it was his job couldnt take the shifts as cop. H loved to work around the house doing small repair jobs, yard work.

2. allways had the cell phone, told me get got it for me in case I broke down, small town had to go 45 miles through wooded area to shop. took my name off cell phone put in his name only, found hidden bills 4 months back at around 200 mins month. before our bill was just under 20 mins.

3.callers hanging up when I picked up home phone. this was MOW trying to call him at home. have copy of her cell phone bill with our home number on it, also X called her long distance at home from our home.

4. one female caller on cell phone who just said wrong number instead of asking for person. this turned out to be MOW who thought X had the phone.

5. starting saying I was nagging to everything I ask him.

6. starting yelling at our son while trying to help him with homework, son cried & wouldn let dad help him anymore. this is when I knew he was cheating.

7. took 3 hours to wash his patrolcar at station every weekend he was off work.

8. coming home with leftover dinners from nice resturants we couldnt afford to eat at, while telling me he didnt have time to run by & eat with us. kept saying he was eating with co-workers, turned out it was MOW.

9.money hided in his wallet, I took his check to bank & knew how much money he ask back. not sure where this came from, I wonder if he was selling the drugs he took off people. he came home with bags of drugs saying he was taking it to the drug dog to use for practice. he did not turn it in to police dept.

10. phone numbers of women hided in his police uniform. found him oneday looking up female phone numbers that he kept in patrolcar, when I ask he wouldnt give them to me, I knew it wasnt MOW number he knew that one. He told me she wasnt the only one he was seeing after we D.

11. when I called him at work to have the cell phone he would always clear it before he gave it to me.

12. saw his policecar oneday, followed him to the Hosptial to see if he wanted lunch together. when he saw me behind him, got out of the car, nasty saying was I following him. he was only there to see Dr. after we talked he just left. MOW works here.

13. wanted a new look, tried of the gray hair, wanted me to buy him hair color. changed the barber he had been going to for 3 yrs. now had to have a woman.

14. X came back to try to make his m work, starting going to work 45 mins early, we only lived 1 mile from station. He was seen by friends meeting MOW with another nurse at local service station down from her job.

my list could go on forever, any sudden change with the spouse can make anyone wonder what is going on. ask yourself what are you doing to make her feel she cant trust you. Little things add up. I never expected my H to cheat, and was hoping I was wrong. He is now engaged to OW.

m-17 1/2 yrs
c-13, 29, 8 gd
me-49, x-43
d-5-02

ow-32
c-3 under 11
m-10
d-7-02

I was looking for anyone else who deals with a spouse that does not trust them to see if there was any common factors that i could point to, I cant stand all my moves in life being questioned and second guessed,"why are you leaving early for work, meeting your girl friend??" I DONT HAVE any GIRLFRIEND,I AM VERY BUSY, and I try to fit a lot into my day,I'm HOME every night by 5:30 and I COOK dinner 4 nights out of 7,whats her problem?? I work a self-employed second job in my back yard,I'm 25 feet from the family at night, and I dont go out to my shop untill dinner dishes are cleared and my kids and her dont need me anymore, so WHY cant she trust me?? I'm sure its no secret to her that I'm a bit unhappy with things right now, but i'm TRYING to ride it out and deal with all HER issues, she's constantly depressed and complaining,and she makes everything an issue,its like she NEEDS to have issues to stay depressed, I have told her, and so did a counseler, that she needs medication and weekly visits to a private counseler to work through her "issues" but she refuses to take the medication and its "too hard" and "too time consuming" to go to the doctors office weekly.SHE MAKES EXCUSES about EVERYTHING, I'm tired, I cant clean the house, I had too much laundry.... what i see is she's LAZY,she seems uninterested in our home and in keeping it neat and clean, If i pitch in, she just does LESS, so whats the point, i try to help her so she can tackle stuff thats been put off, she stops working sooner because what I did for her was GOOD ENOUGH.BUT YET, she will bend over BACKWARDS to be a church elder and a sunday school teacher, NO SIGNS of that depression at church,WHY?? I know she's unhappy, too, but we have 2 "issue" teens and an 8 yr old who needs us,I did 2 years of weekly counseling with her and my attitude has improved about our "issues" and hers has declined, I was dead set AGAINST counseling when it started, and I GOT more out of it than she did, i really dont get it.As the years pass by I understand her less and less, and she acts like she does'nt know me at all after being together over 10 years, i'm really confused. I KNOw I'm NOT a hard person to deal with, AND I know my focus on life has not changed,so what gives??