Hi. My husband and I have been going through a really hard 6 months. He works so hard (about 12 hrs a day EVERYDAY), our 1 yr old daughter had open heart surgery and for me to deal with the pain I would get drunk and yell things that were not true to my husband. I love him dearly and heloves me as well. I want our marriage to work. We have been seperated for 10 days. SO far we have spent 2 days together. He went to the doctor and was told he is depressed. The doc is getting him into counselling. I have given up drinking (I only drank when I was stressed - but realized I had a problem) and I have started counselling to heal myself. My question is this .... did I make my husband sick? He wouldn't talk about our daughter (whom is very much alive and doing great) because it would upset me. I always nagged at him for not doing anything around the house and was mad when he got home so late. If I made him sick do you really think he will come back to the one that made him sick? He left me. Not his job (that he says was the problem. Any advise here would be so great.

Thank you

Welcome, and it's good you are in counseling. I would continue counseling or at least go to some AA meetings o get a grip on your drinking. I also think you and DH need marriage counseling to help deal w/ the stresses in your lives, what the triggers are and how to defuse these situations.

Also, go through this website and read all the articles and basic concepts and especially the love-busting and emotional needs sections to get some basic info (and also do the questionnaires).

Happy to hear that your daughter is doing well! I loved it when my kids were about 1 yr old--mobile and curious!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi thank you for responding. I have been reading through the site and have found some very inspiring reads.
The problem with counselling is he won't go. I have asked him. And Iam afraid the longer he is away the worse it will get. He said there is sooooo much to fix in our marriage.
I have realized that no matter the outcome, with me in counselling, I will be a better and more positive person. Already I realized that talking about things makes you feel so good.
And one good thing has already happened!!! Which makes me feel so good! I have a wonderful relationship with his mother and sister, whom I always considered the enemy!

HOOORRRAAYYYYYYYY

Did you make your husband sick? Hard to answer that concretely....certainly your actions while you were drinking didn't make his life full of sunshine, but it is up to your husband to determine how he will deal with things. Right now it sounds like he is retreating big time. Have you read about Plan A on this site? It is generally used in an infidelity situation when a betrayed spouse is trying to convince the wayward spouse through actions of love to give up the affair, but I think it can be applied in your situation (and others) as well. You can lovingly show your husband that you are dealing with your drinking problem, getting counseling, and doing your best to make the home environment more pleasant to be around. It does NOT mean that you are being a doormat for your husband. It shows that you are dealing with problems in a positive and effective manner. By doing that, it creates an environment in which the other spouse feels comfortable coming home and re-building the relationship. You could visit some of the other message forums to learn more about Plan A and how to apply it to your situation. In fact, there is a PlanA/PlanB message forum. Bottom line: your and your husband are responsible for your own actions and how you respond to each other's actions. Good Luck!

Hey again. Well to udate, here goes. Friday I lost it on the phone with him. By lost it I mean I broke apart. He told me this is not easy for him either being apart and missing me and he was trying to cheer me up. He is the depressed one. I just felt so lost. Well he called me today to see how I was doing and we chatted and he said he was really bummed today. I asked him if he wasnted to come over after work he said no. So I asked him about Vday and he said we really shouldn't go out together. I was crushed. He said we can't see each other yet. But last week we were supposed to be dating. Iam so confused. He doesn't even want to see our daughter. Am I confused or just not very knowledged in depression? HELP someone give me advice here!!!!

I really advise you to go to an AA meeting. It will really bring you peace and comfort in all areas of your life. You might even find the answers that you are looking for in your personal life. AA is just a really safe place to be -- you can talk about anything without judgement. People there will support not only your sobriety but also your life choices. You might even find someone who has been in the same situation. Give it a try -- you have nothing to lose!

Still waiting on some advice. I tried to fill my day with playing with my daughter but to no avail. I have counselling tomorrow, hoping that will go well. I know I sound whiny but Iam so confused. One minute Iam mad at him, the next sad, I don't know were we are going and I feel like giving up.