What do you do when everything you try to talk to your H about, he rejects? I've read the book, and we've filled out the questionnaire, ... I looked at his, and he looked at mine... BUT!
No matter HOW I present the steps that are suggested ..... no matter HOW I lovingly explain my needs .... no matter HOW calm I remain, and discuss HIS needs ..... he just seems to refuse to accept certain things.
I read to him, some of the articles, and explain that a woman wants to be in ALL of the rooms of his life. I lovingly tell him what hurts me, and how I feel when he continues to do the same thing over and over .... and yet he just comes back with I'm not changing either .... that I'm not trying or working on myself. OH if you only knew HOW much I've working on myself, and how much I've read and studied .... and prayed!!
I know I'm not perfect .... far from it, but I really DO try to read and study and apply everything I can to help us .... he's just not willing to budge on his part.
Scenario: Since we've had new kittens, he's been getting up when the alarm goes off, and stands in the room, and picks up the kittens (4 months old), and holds them, hugging them, kissing them, and giving them all kinds of affection, before he even says HELLO to me, before he even acknowledges me! He spends a long time doing this, then gets dressed for work ....... usually gets his coat on, and THEN comes to me and gives me a small 'peck' on the cheek ...... and says 'See you later'.
Well excuse me ..... but I would like a little more attention than that! How about the same amount he gives the cats? I have calmly explained to him, how this makes me feel ... how I would love him to please hold me in bed, give me a morning kiss ... show me SOME affection BEFORE he goes loving the cats! I have repeated this request hundreds of times .... what does he do this morning? SAME THING!! UGH!!
I calmly reminded him that it hurt, and asked why he wasn't able to remember this? He just said something very flippant and cold .... and turned away from me, and continued to get dressed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I nicely asked why he couldn't stop and discuss this with me for a bit .... and he got annoyed and angry .... and said "I'm sorry that it happened"!!! In a very angry voice, and cold attitude!! He's sorry that it 'happened'? "IT" doesn't just 'happen' .... he makes a choice to do it! This isn't just the cat issue, it's everything! We've gone to counseling in the past, and the counselor gave him specific things to do to make me feel more loved .... and he would MAYBE make a small attempt once ... but then stop all together!
I'm confused and puzzled .... to me, he just seems very lazy and indifferent to doing ANYTHING to show me love. .... of course, I do have to say, we are suppose to be separating in a few days, or a week .... so I'm sure he's given up trying ..... BUT .... he's never really tried!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
What DO you think??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Hugs,
Diane
