I’ve been coming to these boards for almost two years and though the support I received was instrumental in my recovery it seems that the tides of change are among us. Never have I seen such malice and pure hatred in the postings. Therefore I suggest, to the MB staff that a new forum be created:

“My Spouse (x-spouse) is a jerk therefore I’m going to act like an idiot too”.

Those that know me know without a shadow of doubt that I don’t have a holier than though attitude. When I came here I was as devastated as anyone by the betrayal in my marriage, yet through strong guidance, solid mentoring, and spiritual growth I was able to walk the straight path. I truly have no regrets on how my divorce was handled and my behavior to this day.

Now all I hear is “if he doesn’t do this then I won’t let him see the kids” or “if she is doing this then why should I give her money” and on and on. Granted most of our understanding and knowledge comes from our own personal trials and tribulations, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have a choice in how we act, what we say, and what we teach our children. I have deep sorrow for the generation that comes after us.

Thank you for letting me rant and I’ll step down off my soapbox, now. May the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ be with you always.

Do you know how many times this has been debated on the EN's board??
I think we have all come to the conclusion that if you don't like it...leave.
I dont mean that in a rude way, I mean it as in "why waste another minute of your time and efforts on a message board" kinda way.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I think there is STILL a lot of good here.

Bill:

I saw the title of your post and wemt "Oh no, the last thing we need is another forum." Then I opened it and laughed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Yes, there is a lot of angry posting going on that is not at all marriagebuilding...maybe a forum for people who just want to complain about their partners and have others svalidate that ("You don't need to put up with that...DEMAND your RIGHTS"!!!!!) would be great!!!

Hugs--

Kathi

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kam6318:
<strong>"You don't need to put up with that...DEMAND your RIGHTS"!!!!!) would be great!!!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There you go Kathi, that's a good one.

Carina,

Yes there are a ton of great people here and there are also a ton of people here who really want help. Then there are also people who come here to spread hatrid, bible thump, and share malice. There are people who just "want it there way and anyone who opposes them is WRONG".

I guess my post really has to points:

1. Don't ask for advice if you don't want an answer.

2. What are you teaching your kids.

I'm also reminded of that song the Ms. Twain did years ago "What if Jesus came back like that - would you let him in or turn your back"

Where has religion gone in our society?

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Bill

I don't know if I'd call it malice or hatred, but it seems there hasn't been as much support available as before.

Although I usually just lurk in D/D, it does seem like the "tone" has changed.

When I came here 2 1/2 years ago, I got all kinds of support and great ideas in the GQ forum. The support was non-judgemental and pretty much unconditional.

When my marriage-building efforts failed, I moved over to D/D. When I first arrived, the support was also non-judgemental and very positive. I felt like I was in a place with people just like me who leaned on each other to get through the end of a doomed marriage.

The "tone" of the advice was "sorry to hear you're going through this...we know how you feel...here's how to protect yourself legally...here's how to help your kids understand, etc." There was plenty of venting (I did my fair share!), but there was always someone to calm you down.

Now, something is different. I can't put my finger on it, but it seems that people are more judgemental than in the past. I could be wrong, but I've felt a "holier-than-thou" attitude on a couple of occasions.

To those who say "if you don't like it, leave..."

I say "if you don't like it, change it!

LH:

Just a thought about forgiveness, which is often lacking or missed when we're hurting.

"With a little time, and a little more insight, we begin to see both ourselves and our enemies in humbler profiles. We are not really as innocent as we felt when we were first hurt. And we do not usually have a gigantic monster to forgive; we have a weak, needy, and somewhat stupid human being. When you see your enemy and yourself in the weakness and silliness of the humanity you share, you will make the miracle of forgiving a little easier."

Lewis B. Smedes - Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve

-ol' Qfwfq

when I first came to this site the reply back was from someone who had been going through the same problems that I was having. it was nice to see how they handled the problems with D & children. Now it seems we past judgment against others without caring what we say to them. I dont believe they are doing it to be nasty, they are in pain & trying to help others while having problems of their own. we need to think first before we reply back to someone causing that person anymore pain. Its still the best site around, after a while you will know which ones to not to listen to. the nasty replys have helped me, I now know that if I remind bitter I will end up like these people who have nothing nice to say to anyone.

m-17 1/2 yrs
c-13, 29, 8 gd
me-49, x-43
d-5-02

ow-32
c-3 under 11
m-10yrs
d-7-02

Here's another one about forgiveness and holding onto hate or resentment:

"In a way, forgiving is only for the brave. It is for those people who are willing to confront their pain, accept themselves as permanently changed, and make difficult choices. Countless individuals are satisfied to go on resenting and hating people who wrong them. They stew in their own inner poisons and even contaminate those around them. Forgivers, on the other hand, are not content to be stuck in a quagmire. They reject the possibility that the rest of their lives will be determined by the unjust and injurious acts of another person."

Beverly Flanigan - Forgiving The Unforgivable: Overcoming the Legacy of Intimate Wounds

(sorry, original source was copied wrong)

-ol' Qfwfq

<small>[ February 11, 2003, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: Qfwfq ]</small>

I agree with you guys.

I've been around for a long time too, and mostly I lurk and read a bit when I have time. Maybe we "oldies" are doing a disservice by not replying more often, especially here in the D/D boards.

Jack...you my friend were always there when I needed a cyber-shoulder to cry on.

I don't know...maybe it's us that need to come and help.

The holier-than-thou thing is really bugging me too. If I'd have come here and had scriptures thrown at me - no offense - but I'd have been gone right away.

Glad to see you're still around Jack. Your posts sound good. How did you get through this with no bitterness? I still fight it and I just hate it.

allison

Who said I'm not bitter? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Part of my act at the Improv tonight deals with how happy divorce has made me!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Seriously, though, I didn't get through this without bitterness. One of the only things that kept me going was seeing people on this board that had gotten to "the other side" okay.

Maybe we do need to hang around some more!

Ummmmmmm, no, I don't see any "holier-than-thou" (hope that doesn't mean I'm part of that movement!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I guess I'm guilty as charged when it comes to NOT helping some of the newly-hurting/newly Div'd folks, but I don't believe I've ever taken the stance that Ex's deserve whatever they get.

WHile I DO believe God wants all M's restored, if only one of the partners would allow Him to do it, but I don't believe I "shove that down" anyone's throat.

Frankly, the whole "Kick the bum to the curb and take him for all he's worth" mentality towards some STBX's existed when I got here, and literally turned me OFF to this board. I have been around this forum for almost 2 years, and I have always felt the way LostHusband does about the D/D board. Waaaay too depressing for my state of mind then or now. I hung out on the GQII board for way too long, I suppose.
I only hang out here now cuase of the prayer groups, and I guess I don't "belong" on GQII anymore.

I did get support on GQII, but never felt that that's what folks on this board were here for. I didn't get what I needed (nurture/understanding/guidance). Always did feel like a place to bash Ex's to me.

My 2¢

God Bless,

A post venting about venting??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi'ya Mr. Bill!!

Member me? Your friendly neighbor in fuzzy pink slippers? I signed on here to look for ya. Any updates?

How are YOU? And the girls?

I havent been here in ages, so I cannot appraise the current downward trend you speak of. But let me tell ya, without this board I would be divorced today. I am a new person, thanks to the support and mentoring I recieved here. The honesty I recieved, coupled with compassion saved my life.

Bill, Bramblerose, Just Learning, Orchid, and others made this board the great place it is. I would sometimes dialogue a conversation , or dispute I had with my H. And the feedback was tremendous.

How abouta an update Bill?

Sorry to hear about the boards....has it really gotten that bad?

Dara