scenerio

Wife unhappy, wants out of marriage of 16 years.
2 kids 5-9
3 weeks ago wife takes kids files r/o
2 days ago wife said she went on her 1st date in 17 years last week
today, saw my kids for 4 hours, 1st time in 3 weeks.
1st thing 9 year old talked about was mommy's date
then said in last week "friend" who is real nice has been at house to visit over last few days
fixed dinner 1 day, took wife and kids to movie 1 day, introduced to wife's parents, had breakfast at resteraunt,
9 year old said it was weird seeing me, her dad,
her dad that stayed home and raised her.
She seemed distant, almost felt awkward, this hurt me very much.........
Won't get to see daughters for 2 more days....
very hard to say goodbye to daughters, even for 2 days,.......Sure seems awful quick for wife to have new man "" friend "" around my kids so much.......

I have had so much pain this last month, I guess wife doesn't feel pain........

That's because she's having an affair with this new friend.

Sorry.

I'M SO TIRED
I JUST WANT TO GO HOME

It seems you still haven't disclosed your issues, you are just looking for sympathy. Read the site and work on yourself.

Newly, Happy Birthday again! Go easy on robert, be thankful infidelity was not a component of your situation. God handed down the 7th and 10th commandments for good reason.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by robertc:
<strong>2 days ago wife said she went on her 1st date in 17 years last week</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I noticed that you put quotation marks around "friend", but you didn't put quotation marks around "new". I have an extremely difficult time believing that last week marked her 1st date with this guy. All the signs point toward her having had a relationship with him for quite some time. She's only revealing him now.

Your daughter's distance is not surprising. Why should she get close only to be immediately ripped away again? She is learning to build walls around her heart, which is a very useful skill. Especially if she aspires to grow up to be alone and miserable.

my advise is forget your wife and the past and work on whats NOW, your kids need you to be strong and consistant,get a lawyer and work for SHARED CUSTODY,accept nothing less, SHARED CUSTODY means NO CHILD SUPPORT either way, get a place in the same town so the courts cant make school and after school functions an issue, DONT OFFER the soon to be X any money,NO MATTER how much she cries poor, IF they need food, BUY IT and deliver it, women have a way of playing on your sadness, dont allow it,let her have her fling and move on with your life,STAY in your kids lives and dont do anything STUPID that can hurt your chances of getting SHARED CUSTODY. As much as it hurts assure your kids you want your wife, THEIR MOM to be happy even if it doesnt include you. Kids admire strong,focused parents,THE BETTER YOU react to this sad event, the better THEY will overcome it.SEEK out a fathers rights group and QUIETLY attend it and LEARN the ropes from dads that already got hurt, DONT let the exwife walk all over you.Good luck, I know how you feel, I've been there.

robertc:

Did I miss something somewhere? Are you DV'd? Why did she get a RO filed against you? Why aren't your kids with YOU, since she's having the A?

Apologies if I missed this.
-Qfwfq

people who now have A are calling the other person they sleep with their "new friend." its no longer boyfriend or girlfriend these days. Thats what MOW called my h, her very close friend. X just used the term friend, then later told me it was just oral sex & that wasnt the same as A. H affair had been going on for about 1 yr before they were caught in policecar together. told by her co-workers & friends that she had many of these "special friendships" with men before my H came into her life. She wanted to leave her H but needed someone to go to before she left him. You will see many different mood changes with your children. Just hang in there. X introduced OW & her 3 kids to his parents on a camping trip with them. later found out that his parents knew about the A & approved of it. X has never let our son meet ow. they are engaged & son stopped seeing dad back in June 2002.
m-17 1/2 yrs
c-13, 29, 8gd
me-49, x-43
d-5-02

ow-32
c-3 under 11
m-10ys
d-7-02

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> SHARED CUSTODY means NO CHILD SUPPORT either way, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is wrong (at least in NJ). Child support would be proportional based on the incomes of each parent. Say the wife makes 100,000, the H 50,000. The joint income (or attributable income) $150,000 for the family. For two children, support is estimated to be 25% of the combined, or $37,500 in this case. At 50/50 custody that would mean the W would be responsible for 100/150*37,500, the H 50/150*37,500. Watch your assumptions.

NEWLY, thats IF you use COURT GUIDELINES,screw them, the courts are run by BARNEY the Dinasaur,their out dated and designed to be ADVERSAEIAL so lawyers can make a living,parents who CARE about their kids and want to each have a hand in raising their kids can make ANY agreement they chose and the court has to accept it, I'm in NJ, and i've found that judges NEVER give either party what they want, and thats so NEXT TIME theirs a problem you both would work it out INSTEAD of asking him to,the courts , and espically NJ, are a loser and thats THE LAST PLACE I would allow to say how the rest of MY LIFE WITH MY KIDS goes.AND, NJ HAS recognised SHARED CUSTODY with NO child support,check with FACE of NJ, or FRACK,NJ, they have DOCUMENTED cases and they can help with PROSE court stuff.DONT BELIEVE NJ doesnt allow it, DEMAND IT, its happening.

Bad Valentine's day.
No not just divorced, just basically kicked out of house 3 weeks ago without warning, basis was accused abuse over length of marriage, it was both ways, nothing happened last 9 months other than her emotional divorce from me, found marriage builders 1 week befor this happened, thing seemed encouraging, then "POW" restraining order filed against me and forced to live on road in motel with friends etc.., day to day exsistance.
Yesterday Valentine's day, I tried last ditch effort to reach wife's heart, made trail of signs on telephone poles, with romantic valentine suggestions, from near our house to near her work, with me standing on street with flowers, she drove by, but was not alone, new "friend" I assume was with her, of course she called police and said I was stalking her.
Robert