A very sad morning for me.
My husband is adamant about separating now, for a year .. to allow me to keep the insurance, but then divorce at the end of that year.
I'm hurting ... confused .... and depressed.
I know, the typical feelings, right?
H and I have been having problems most of our marriage (7 years), and have contemplated divorce many times. First it's me who wants it, then it's him ... back and forth!
Well, NOW .... after reading here, and praying, and studying God's word ... I see where I've had a BIG part in our problems. I've not been the wife I should have been, in many areas.
Some, was my fault directly, some was my childhood, and upbringing, and some WAS his fault.
But ... now we're here, and I feel we could make it, with ME using the steps from the book, and prayer. BUT ...
Last night we talked, and I apologized for my part .. and told him that I saw the areas I made mistakes in, and that I know now how to work on them, and that I still loved him very much .... but he said too much hurt, and too late now.
He said he still loves me too, and is still "IN" love with me, but all though we can be friends, he doesn't want to live as husband and wife anymore.
No matter what I shared ... no matter how gently, or lovingly I explained, he did not budge.
I'm the one leaving, because we rent an OLD house that is falling apart, and I can't afford the expenses of living here ... and will be finding a small studio, so it's really hard for me to just 'go'. I've been contemplating moving to the next state down 'Pennsylvania', because I just can't deal with being close, if I can't see him. He says he'd rather not see each other much, in the year we're separating.
I can't decide 'when' to leave, all though my car is packed, and the money is in the bank. It's like ... there's the cold cruel world ... GO!
I have no family or friends to stay with, so I'm pretty much on my own (except for God of course), to move myself and find an apartment, and then a job .. I'm not working now. I'm only considering Pennsylvania, because it's more south .. less snow ... and because it's got loads of craft shows, and crafts .. I'm into crafts big time.
What would you all suggest I do at this point? If he's stated loud and clear, that that's what he wants ... do I go .. or stay and pray he changes his mind, as I give it my all to fill his love bank? Actually, the way he feels, I probably can't stay ... he really wants this over with NOW.
Please throw out any and all suggestions.
Hugs,
Diane
