H and I have been going through the motions of counseling since Nov. when I confronted him w/ my suspisions. H denied any involvement w/ OW. Even told me to "get over" my concerns and move on. Have caught him in so many lies...even little insignificant ones...H is of course not himself and extremely cocky. I told him several sessions that I was willing to take him at his word and work to rebuild marriage. I also said that if at anytime he told me that yes he was involved(on any level) I would forgive him and stand by him. BUT... if I ever found out that there is OW from someone elses mouth, I will divorce him. WELL, evidentally his 86 year old father was having a more difficult time in dealing w/ H erratic behavior and alien self than my H expected. MY FATHER IN LAW TOLD ME THAT THIS OW HAS BEEN CALLING HIS HOUSE FROM CUBA LOOKING FOR MY HUSBAND!!!! Calls from Cuba aren't cheap! These people earn only about $8 a month. I waited until we were in the counselor's office to confront him and told him I am divorcing him. HE STILL DENIES EVERYTHING!! And his mantra cry is still "I don't know where you get your info from." I don't know how anyone could be more credible than his dad. Now, listen to this... on Valentine's Day (one day after I confronted him) he leaves two gifts for me and had roses delivered. I told him thanks but no thanks.. he could take the gifts w/ him when he leaves for Cuba...WHICH WAS THE NEXT DAY... he has been using the cover of business to travel there. SEE YA! Now, here's where I need advice, please. My attorney told me that truly the only way to protect myself and my 3 kids is actually filing for divorce. This way he can petition the court and have our assets frozen. My H has been letting his business go because of Cuba(he is an attorney also) We have had some Financial glitches because of his carelessness. Also he has opened a bank acct. w/ bank in Canada to be able to deposit $ and pull out in Cuba. He took $3000 down there w/ him this time for 5 days and left not one penny at home for us. And the banks aren't opened until Tuesday...(he's coming back Wed.) I really hate the option of filing but he is in so far over his head, I don't know how else to protect us. AND, HOW DO I BEGIN TO HANDLE THIS WITH MY KIDS? And finally, are there any good books that help moms prepare their children? Thanks for reading, sorry so long.

ljkm3- where are you and WH located? Is your WH a US citizen? If you live in the US or WH is a US citizen or permanent resident, it is against US law for him to travel to Cuba. Also, if he takes her anything, what he takes her is most likely a violation of US export control regulations since Cuba is a generally embargoed country. If your WH is an attorney, tell him to check it out - not only could he go to jail and/or incur significant fines (as high as $1 Million), he could also lose is law license.

Regards,

1lostgirl

(who happens to also be an attorney and export control officer for her company).

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: 1lostgirl ]</small>

Hi, thank you for your reply 1lostgirl. Yes we are both U.S. citizens. My H is traveling under a legit license issued through the state dept. He has been hooking up w/ other professionals who have humanitarian licenses and such. They do take humanitarian goods down when they go. As you can probably guess, it is more than complicated! My H however, has become obsessed w/ this whole Cuba venture and unfortunately what good he has accomplished is going to be destroyed by his lower half of his manhood! He is feeling like the 'big man on campus' and is high from the ego stroking. And since he knows it would be more difficult for me to go there I imagine that he never thought he would be caught. Only one thing now I'd like to know is if there is a child involved w/ this OW. You would not even believe that the contacts my H has made are unreal! He is incredibly fortunate in this area. It's true when they say that a wayward spouse is not themselves during a crisis like this. He is as foreign to me now as the man on the moon. I'd love to hear back from you 1lostgirl and maybe even seek your professional advice.