My WW and I are in the process of getting a divorce. See my sig, this has been on going. This last time about a month ago she wanted to seperate again and I told her to just go live her life, that I can't keep going through this. In mediation she pretty much gave me everything, house, joint custody with me being primary parent and most of our possesions. She seems to be unphased by all of this and walks through life like everything is fine. Does not seem to be upset about any of it. The mediator and several other people seem to think she has a plan although who knows what it is. We always had a great marriage except for the last year when we just go ito a rut and she had an affair. Don't know if it is still going on. Things were good between us our last month together and then all of a sudden she wanted to seperate again. You would think people would be upset about divorcing but does not seem to be, like it is what she wants for what ever reason. Does this seem normal?

When someone is in the 'fog', anything they want to justify is normal. My WW kept her OM around 'just in case' I screwed up. Figure THAT out.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> All the while saying she wanted to save marriage.

How do you save a marriage when you keep OP on the side?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

This is just an example of how people can rationalize anything.

MAYBE your stbxWW has restarted her A with OM (or with another OM), and just wants to get the M over and done with so she can start an open R with him.

That is what I'm thinking although the OM is married. Maybe there is still something going on there, I don't know. Although it seemed to be over maybe it really wasn't. Can't see any reason though why someone would want to just walk away from things, especially when our marriage and 15 years together was good, except for the last year when we grew apart. There was no attempt on her part to work on things. It would seem she is still in a fog. To me you don't just throw everything away for no reason which is what she seems to be doing. It is my understanding the OM did not want anything to do with her once I found out in fear of his wife knowing. Might be my wife figures if I'm out of the picture she can pursue him? I think about it all and there are really no reasons for us to divorce, especially since I was there to work things out even after she admitted the affair.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It would seem she is still in a fog.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There you go, it seems you already know the answer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To me you don't just throw everything away for no reason which is what she seems to be doing.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because you are not in a fog yourself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Might be my wife figures if I'm out of the picture she can pursue him?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A very highly possibility. Afterall, that's been the case with many foggy WS in the past.

If thats the case, then these people are nuts. If they could only see what we see. There needs to be a drug to get them out of fantasy land. I can't bellieve that this woman is going through this with such arrogance. Even her parents think it is weird although they do know the whole story. They think she needs to go see a doctor about it. Guess she will wake up one day and smell the roses although then it will be to late.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If thats the case, then these people are nuts. If they could only see what we see. There needs to be a drug to get them out of fantasy land. I can't bellieve that this woman is going through this with such arrogance. Even her parents think it is weird although they do know the whole story. They think she needs to go see a doctor about it. Guess she will wake up one day and smell the roses although then it will be to late.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You won't get any argument from me, and yes the saddest thing is that one day (once you have recovered and moved on with your lif), she will wake up and it will be too late (just ask my exWW).

Darren-

Maybe you've mentioned it in another thread but where are you at with the whole D thing? Do you want one? Have you tried Plan A/Plan B? Without knowing many details, it sounds like you had a pretty good M at one time and you've got a child together too....The popular advice/plans by SH didn't work for me but there are LOTS of people on these boards that will testify to their merits. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks for the input. Where am I at with everything? I really hate to see it happen. I think it is all very unfortunate. Although someone told me through all of theis turmoil of the affair and her back and forth on wanting to make things work, that one day I would wake up and know when it was time to move on. I do still love her but when a BS spouse goes so long without the EN's not being met by the WW the love just seems to die. I think that is what happened to me. I was through getting upset a couple of months ago. I hate to see our son go through this. It's not fair to him. There has not been any willingness on her part to try and save things though. No remorse, no MC, no affection, nothing. It is nice being in the house now and not having to talk to her. She told me the other day that when she finally realized her feelings she knew it would probably be to late. My theory is if she was concerned about that she would be working on not losing me now. Our marrige was very good up until about a year ago when we got into a "rut". Instead of coming to me when things got to dull, she gave up and pursued another man, had an affair and when I discovered it admitted to it but seemed to want out of the marriage very fast. There is another person now (male) who she has been very close to at work. In fact her best friend said that this guy has my W up on a pedestal. There could be an EA there now. They have been a little to close of friends in my opinion. This is not the guy who she had the affair with but a good friend of his. She has forgotten the kind of man I used to be becasue of all of this other attention from othjer people. NO really fair in my opinion. It is like she has let them replace me. I told her the other day that she gave up on us and never gave me the chance to show her I can be the caring and loving man I used to be. Deep down I think she knows it.