Listened to "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross on my local NPR affiliated radio station tonight.

The guewt in the interview was Shirley Glass who has written a book called, "Not Just Friends" or "More Than Friends".

She said most people who have extramarital affairs are not the type of people who would do something like that intentionally. They fall into it gradually - not realizing the changes in the relationship unitl it has progressed quite a way. They are naive. They have no idea what they are doing.

The divorce rate for first marriages is 50%; for second marriages it is 60%; for marriages that began as affairs it is 70%; the only exception being people who married old flames.

She also said that women tend to see problems in their marriage before men - or at least, they try to express their need to have unmet needs fulfilled. The men see this as criticism and then they retreat. So, the women pursue them with the message. And the men retreat more. The women get fed up and quit trying.

Then, one day they show up in her office and she asks how things are.

The men say, "Great! We have no conflict. She doesn't complain. Things are fine."

The women say, "Lousy! I have this need or that need. I have tried to talk to him and I got no response. I'm miserable."

Sounded like the stuff made sense and it might be a good read for people with these issues.

Found this link on a reply to this same thread on another board:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=002490