Hi everyone,

My divorce was final on the 12th January this year, the date of my 18th wedding anniversary.

When it became clear to me that WH was not going to give up his OW, I gave him a choice - her or me, as I could not stand the pain and uncertainty. He chose her, I went into a strict plan B (to protect myself). WH seemed content with this, I guess it was so much easier for him to just walk away without seeing any of the devastation he caused. He didn't contact me at all. I didn't speak to him for over a year, and only in January I phoned him to let him know one of my pets (he used to adore them too) had died.

WH betrayed me, he stole my share of our financial assets, and is trying to make me homeless in his financial settlement demands. He's not providing the financial records the court has ordered him to give.

Then today, I get a phone call. The ex, WH. He's asking if I remember the addresses of where we lived during the previous 10 years. When I say I don't remember he said that maybe that information was in some old papers, locked away in the storage container (which is on my property). I said it was unlikely. He then talked some more, during which I said nothing. He said 'I'm sorry for disturbing your day. Take care.' I hung up without saying goodbye.

I just can't believe it. After all that he's done, he thinks I'm going to help him with something, anything at all? He didn't have the courtesy to tell me that he wanted to seperate, the divorce papers were served out of the blue, but he can ask me to get him this trivial information he needs? What was he thinking, 'gosh I'll ring Evensong she might know...'. Is this an attempt at starting some sort of contact, has he been dumped by OW? I don't want him back, I want him to go away completely.

Is this just another sign of the fog? He sounded so completely normal, as when we were married.

Evensong

I know you said you don't want him back but if he came to you and was very remorseful for what he did and had changed himself then would you want to try and take him back?

Here is a site to maybe help you see that marriages are restored all the time.

www.rejoiceministries.org
You sound like you are hurting but would like your happy marriage back again.

Love in Christ
cajunky

Hi Cajunky,

I follow your posts and think of you sometimes when I think about my own ex husband. If maybe he too will go through what you're going through, if he'll be a Christian again someday and see what he has done.

Of course I've thought often what I would do, should he repent. That's why I keep coming to this site, hoping to clarify things for me. Really I'm hoping to read things that would give me a reason to try again, should it be an option. Yet all my reading just convinces me otherwise, I'm sorry to say.

I guess I'm the sort who likes to weigh things up in my mind, in a cost/benefit type of way. It's been nearly 2 years of complete devastation and misery for me, with probably another year or so of it to go before I start to feel better. After that, I have the option of starting a new relationship or continuing on alone. Being alone does not worry me, although I would much prefer to be in a good marriage. With a fresh relationship, there would not be the knowledge that the man has the proven capacity to be an adulterer (providing I pick a decent man of course).

Should the ex come back, I would still have another 2 or 3 years of misery to endure as we rebuild. At the end of that, what do I have? A marriage tainted by suspicion (I know myself too well to think that I could lose that), a marriage that could never be what it was before. I deeply loved my husband and was happy in my marriage, there is nothing much he could do to make it a 'better' marriage for me. He seemed completely trustworthy before, there is nothing extra he could do to prove he'd be more trustworthy now.

So there you have it. Do I suffer another year or so getting over the divorce, or would I suffer 2 to 3 years if he wanted to try again? Would the suffering and effort of reconciliation be worth it? I'm afraid that the answer seems clear to me.

If there were children involved, of course my reasoning would be entirely different.

Cajunky, I'll keep plugging away at finding reasons to reconcile if it was offered to me. God has a funny way of working on us. I also pray that my ex husband will be drawn back to God, and live a life pleasing to Him.

God bless you, you and your family are in my prayers too.

Evensong

Sorry to hear...

I too still retian some small hope WW will repent. But trsut me on the court anf financials, do not trust one who betrays. I did stupid things to try and appease her. She just cost me thousands more. The love of money is the root of evil and betrayers are consumed in evil and see their former spouses are a source of funds to get at any cost. Forget every trust you once gave, for them ist gone and they will sound normal only for as long as it takes to betray you again and again. You can keep faith hope and love without being foolish with the finances.

Peace,