Found out wife was having a online/cell phone/work relationship. She says it was plutonic. Found out 1/2/03. Wife begged me not to leave her and we tried to talk over that weekend but I kept questiong her about the OM. Wife filed for divorce 1/6/03. Relationship up and down since then, even at one point she continued a divorce hearing, saw our pastor a few times. Then she told me she wanted the divorce and that I was crowding her. I was only staying in the house becasue of 2yr S and 11 yr D. I discussed some issue with my lawyer and it was best to leave evrything to her and kids and she take all of the debt. I would bascialy walk away with my truck, cell phone and personal items. I realy thought she would take it. She of course did not, I basicay have to pay her $200 a week CS and pay min. payment on our credit cards, my truck payment and thats it and move out. While I was packing my stuff we were arguing/hugging/yelling etc. and she said do you know why I did not accept your decree, and then she told me she was not sure she was making the right decision. She said she just wants space/time. I of course agreed. Final hearing in 3 months.

The problem is she is like a cameleon, rude at first then, very sweet. I am basicly trying to stay away (although hard with kids). I would hope time away will make the heart grow founder, yet I am scared she might drift away. I did not get her anything for VD but wrote her a poem. I miss her but how long do I wait before I ask her to attend marriage counseling. I mean should I wait and see if she does this on her own. Everyone I have told said not to talk to her period. I also now that she can not afford to do this much longer. So how do I know she is not coming back because she can not make it on her own or at least with out help?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Any Time Now...I will be Happy:
<strong> While I was packing my stuff we were arguing/hugging/yelling etc. and she said do you know why I did not accept your decree, and then she told me she was not sure she was making the right decision. She said she just wants space/time. I of course agreed. Final hearing in 3 months.

So how do I know she is not coming back because she can not make it on her own or at least with out help?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure I've got much advice but maybe you could suggest counselling once then leave it up to her. Let her know the ball is in her court and if she wants to pursue it then she just has to let you know. She doesn't seem to know what she wants - maybe she would be open to counselling.

Of course the ideal is she comes back because she wants to. If she isn't sure she's doing the right thing she may use finances as an excuse or even to convince herself to return. Is it so bad, though, if that's the reason? I'm not sure... but if it allows healing and restoration of your marriage, does it matter why she came back?

I'm really sorry you are going through this. Hope your kids are OK. Make sure they know you love them.

sp

<small>[ February 19, 2003, 06:12 AM: Message edited by: seekingpeace ]</small>