My stbx left me in July of last year. In beginning of marriage we had lots of ups and downs after quite a few yrs we became best friends. Well in like nov of 2001 he went to visit some friends in another state. When h got home he was distant we didnt talk as much. But shortly after we were ok again so I thought. He had told me bout how these friends some that are married have had affairs with some that are not. like it was ok. I still dont know till this day if he did himself. At times I think he did but I dont know for sure. I think maybe its the love I have for him still. Well we had a vacation planned we have talked bout it for years and I thought this is year we go. Well two weeks before our trip he went to visit these friends again this time coming back h was really "cold". I had asked him why he came back and his words to me were "because I had too". I was like OMG I just started crying. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> For some time before this too I have asked him how come he doesnt pray with me. He would just change subject. This man thinks that he is spiritual and that im one who doesnt follow God. Well anyways because he didnt pray with me i found some online buddies who would. He didnt like that at all but wouldnt be the h he was suppose to be. H also thought that it was w job to do cooking and cleaning. We both worked full time jobs but when i got home i had to cook and clean too. OK well h told me that he wasnt going to leave me so we went on this trip. Some was cash but I had put alot of it on my cc. I guess I was just hoping things would get better again. But less than a month afterwards he was gone. He had called his boss sat and told her he quit. H was getting up and leaving in the morn like he was going to work each day. H left on thurs after he got paid. With him quiting his job like that he lost a lot of pay he had coming to him. These friends convinced him that he was to leave me. What friends would tell someone to up and leave their spouse after 20 yrs. These are suppose to be Godly people. There is like 12 of them living in one house. Some are married the single ones are all female. All I did for the first 2 weeks is cry. How can someone who you love who you thought loved you up and leave?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Well I thank God for my online buddies who were there for me and still are. I even found a church I really like too. It just hurts that he has done this. Since he left he hasnt helped with any bills. He doesnt call.H told me before he left that if he leaves he wont divorce me or support me. My lawyer tells me its best I dont call him either. Well first I tried to just sue him for support. H tried to counter with divorce. But because we never lived in that state as married they have no jusidiction. H after being gone 5 months tried to get papers to force me to sell house. H hasnt paid one cent towards it for all that time he was gone. H left me with some big cc bills too. So beginning of this month I filed for divorce. This is hard for me how do you fall out of love with someone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> There is really no chance of h coming back, and even if h did I dont know if I could trust him or believe him anymore. There has been too many lies in the past year or so. But yet at times I think if i saw him I would just walk up to him and hug him. Am i so stupid or what. :S

HCF-

NO you are NOT stupid, you're in love! Your love is blinding your sight of his FOG! Or is it his FOG is simply blinding YOU?

Appears as though H has no intentions of returning?! Why DO you have to file right now!? Am I missing something? Just 'cause you have insurmountable cc debt, his push to sell the house and reap $$$? What? Think long and hard, if you still love him let itme and the Lord work on his heart...others here may inspire to you what Plan you should be in at this point...yet, I only see Plan B as being the most effective although you haven't Planned A yet have you!?

Godspeed!
S

Plan A went on for the past year before H left. I have tried everything i could try. His heart was gone long before he left. I just did what i could to try and make it work out. God was telling me he was leaving i just didnt want to beleive it. I thought that when i married it was till death do you part. H is one who wants divorce. Also right now where i am with God i believe that is what im suppose to be doing. At times i think i wont marry again and times i hope that i will. I think what i miss most is the friendship i thought we had with each other. But found out it was a one sided one. I feel i gave my all and have nothing more to give.

If you don't want the divorce right now, you don't have to file, do you? My x and I were separated for over 2 years before I filed. Actually, he filed before he moved out but he later dropped it. Then, later, I filed.

If a monetary solution is what you need right now, just work on that. You can divorce later. Unless you feel you must file for the divorce now.

Wait on the Lord.......... give it totally to him, you did what u should have as wife, ask God to create a clean heart in him and renew the right spirit...... if it has to end, give you the strength to go through whatever....... He has issues and if you couldn't help him through God, and his wanting it to..... there may be no hope for him........ hold on God will work it out.....

divorce is only answer

Plan A went on for the past year before H left.
You obviously have studied MB principles for awhile. Why the need to divorce BEFORE you do Plan B?

This is hard for me how do you fall out of love with someone. There
You do Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris (CA123):
<strong>divorce is only answer

Plan A went on for the past year before H left.
You obviously have studied MB principles for awhile. Why the need to divorce BEFORE you do Plan B?

This is hard for me how do you fall out of love with someone. There
You do Plan B.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is your first statement sarcastic i dont get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If love never ends then how do you fall out of love? I get upset that H left me that he chose friends and decided to listen to them. That he lied to me and wonder how many other lies there has been through the years. Lieing is one thing i have always had a hard time tolerating. Once someone is caught in lie with me i have a hard time trusting them again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It takes time to heal like i said before sometimes i think if i saw him again i would go up to him and hug him, and times i think i hope to not see him on this earth no more. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Sometimes now i think the only one i can trust is Jesus.

Plan A went on for the past year before H left.
You obviously have studied MB principles for awhile. Why the need to divorce BEFORE you do Plan B?

Is your first statement sarcastic i dont get it.
No, it's not sarcastic. Since you did Plan A for a year, you know about Marriage Builder principles. Your registration date shows Feb 2003 but you probably found MB a year ago & didn't post. Many people read but don't register.

Is this correct?

Or were you doing things just like Plan A without knowing what Plan A is?

If love never ends then how do you fall out of love?
Well, if love never ends, then you don't but who say love never ends? Love CAN end, if the conditions are right. Plan B helps to preserve what love you have and also gives you the strength to end your marriage if the affair doesn't end.

If you have not already done it, then I recommend you read "Survivng An Affair" by Dr Willard Harley.

Also, read Marriage Builders Basic Concepts. This will help you to understand the steps you should do to get through this.

<small>[ February 26, 2003, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

I didn’t know about Plan A or Plan B before. I was just going by what I believed God was telling me to do at the time. Through a lot of prayer and through counseling with my online buddies is what has gotten me to where I am today. I never thought about going to counseling before he left. I guess I was just hoping that H wouldn’t leave and that things will be fine in time.
Thanks to all that replied to my post and thanks Chris for the sites I will check them out. I just recently found out about this website from one of my online buddies.
What I am wondering is how long does it take for a divorce to go through? I know I just filed for divorce, before I was trying to get some support to make him help me pay bills. Right now I feel to just end this, I do not believe H will be back that he is set in what he is doing. H always had a close relationship with his mom they talked on the phone quite often. So I figured that since she didn’t call after he left that he told her what he did. Well here it came the holidays and MIL called to see how things were going. See thing is he never told her. I had to be one who told her he left me.

This has been a very hard weekend for me emotionally. I am so tired of being alone but I don’t want to get involved with anyone right now. Talked to lawyers office Friday they said H had clerk of court call them and tell them that H has jurisdiction. Well lawyers office told them if they have a problem with it to talk to the judge because judge is one who granted us jurisdiction here. H is in another state one that we never lived in together. H also sent some more papers trying to force me to sell the house. H hasn’t pay one cent towards this house or any bills here since he left last summer. H hasn’t called me. Right now lawyer said we have to give him 45 days to fill out financial affidavit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> At times I don’t think I can wait. I don’t want to have this hanging over my head much longer. Right now its like satan is really messing with my mind I haven’t been sleeping well at night. Its been a lot of ups and downs this past 7 months or so. . Mostly I am fine its just those downer of days that I am like so frustrated so upset so confused and don’t know how much more I can bare.

At times I don’t think I can wait. I don’t want to have this hanging over my head much longer.
What is the hurry? Is divorce going to "magically" make everything better, all the pain go away and make you & your h/ex not have any contact again?

My point is just because a divorce goes through, it does not mean the conflict ends.

I guess my hurry is I don’t like the games H and his friends are playing now. H is doing what these so called friends are telling him to do. He left me to live in a house with at least 10 friends , some married some not. They all live in same house. Some have called it a cult. I have tried my best to get him to not go but their influence on him was stronger than I could ever do. I know getting a divorce will not change my feelings towards him but I believe that once divorce is done that H will not have any more contact with me. That as long as we are married they are gonna tell him how to “deal” with me. How to try and “control” me. I believe that since even now we haven’t spoke on phone since like sept of last year and that was when I called to ask what he wanted me to do with things he left here. He doesn’t even call his mom anymore. He has called our daughter a few times but most the time she don’t even want to talk to him. I always encourage her to talk with him since he is her dad. I have been going to singles meeting at my church for fellowship. I am trying to find some friends too since I really didn’t have any while he was here, since my time was either working at job or at home.