I see many people here struggle with the thought of forgiveness and even more that harbor great resentment against their spouse or x-spouse. A friend of mine recently asked me the importance of forgiveness and I found this on www.bible.com. The words in Mark really made me see the difference in my life pre & post forgiveness. Just thought I would share..

Matthew 6:14-15, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Mark 11:25-26 (Amplified) "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop--leave it, let it go--in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your (own) failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings."

These verses are perhaps some of the least applied Scriptures in the Kingdom of God. Somehow, many of us are deceived into thinking that we do not have to take them literally. However, Jesus emphasized this principal over and over again in His parables and teachings. If we receive God's forgiveness, it is our duty to forgive those who have wronged us. The two are inseparable. Jesus said plainly that God will not forgive us, if we do not forgive others. Many Christians are full of condemnation and guilt because they still feel the weight of their sins, even though they've asked God to forgive them. Could it be that they have not been able to receive God's forgiveness because they still have bitterness in their own hearts toward others? Sometimes, we may carry bitterness and hurt so long, that we no longer even recognize it as a problem. It becomes a part of our very nature. We may not scheme for revenge, but our souls are clouded with a quiet, persistent bitterness.

Some of us have been betrayed in devastating ways, and have suffered profoundly at the hand of abusive people. Others have been horribly mistreated by those of other races, nations, and religions. If you are suffering with deep unhealed wounds, know the Lord has also been hurt with your pain. He loves you and wants to heal you. It is because of His great love for you that He is calling you to forgive. It is your only release from the emotional prison that you are now in.

You do not have to live in a continual state of submission to evil emotions. You can be free of them, through the power of the cross. "Behold, I make all things new" says the Lord. You can be made new on the inside, and no longer staggering under a load of bitterness, hatred, pain, and depression. God wants to set you free right now!

May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all always>>>>>>>

Bill-

Thank you for those verses. I am struggling with forgivness over my WW's A. Currently we are going through DV and she is making crazy demands of me. My LB for her is empty and I don't think I can ever love her again. I feel I have reached acceptance for her ongoing A but not yet forgiveness.

I am not one to hold a grudge against someone and I feel I need to forgive her in order to move on with my life. How can I forgive someone who continues to hurt me in every way possible and will not speak to me?

I pray every night for strength and guidence for me in these crazy times. I also pray that my WW will see her wrongdoings and will learn from those wrongdoings. I feel God puts us in these situations for a reason and that we need to learn from it or He will put us back in the same spot again in life.

I am not trying to thread-jack but I would love to hear your input.

Thanks
STTSI

(((( STTSI )))))

If you notice the space in the hug, HEY, we’re both men.

“””How can I forgive someone who continues to hurt me in every way possible and will not speak to me?”””

Well, through this whole process, I’m sure you’ve heard you can’t control her. You have no control over her actions and by carrying the bitterness of those action, you loose control of your reactions.

Let me tell a quick side story. I live in a tiny town in the middle of no where. The night my X moved out I went for a walk. I cried to the Lord and screamed with great fury at Him. WHY ME? WHY THIS? WHY THAT? In a moment of divine heeling I got the idea to write down ALL my worries, problems, hurts, wrong doings, etc. Let’s pretend that list was 100 items long (Hey I had to stop somewhere) of that list, only 5 things could I control. I was carrying around worry, hatred, and basically misery for those 95 items, which I couldn’t control. I literally gave that list to God. It took some perseverance and persistence but one by one I crossed those things off that list. Only when I was able to cross the last off, my wife’s betrayal, was I able to forgive her. And once I was able to forgive her I was a better person. The forgiveness was not for her, it was for me. Plus, in the end, I am not the one who will sit in judgment on her life and how she will spend eternity.

“””I also pray that my WW will see her wrongdoings and will learn from those wrongdoings.”””

That’s great but simply ask that she find the Lord and He will do the rest. Asking anything else is only implying that you have some control.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking too it.

Manly Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Bill,

Thanks so much for your message on forgiveness. I have followed this board on and off for a long time but have never posted anything. I have struggled with forgiveness and know that I still need to work on this issue.

Here is my story---I hope that I feel better after telling it--also I don't know a lot of the abbreviations that you use. I was married for 14 years.. 4/1/2002 I discovered that my H was emotionally involved with someone at work. Although this broke my heart, I really wanted things to work out. He also told me at this time that he was suffering from severe depression. We began counseling.

12/19/2002- I found a lease to an aparment that he had rented. He was planning to move out. He told me that this was all about him and that he needed to figure out why he was so unhappy. During our period of separation, he would say that he wanted to go to counseling with me, but he could never commit to our relationship. 9/1/2002 he told me that he just wanted a divorce. At Christmas 2002, he told my children that he was seeing someone and he would like the children to meet this person. OW also sent my children Christmas gifts although she had never met them. Surprisingly, the OW was the women that I discovered back in April that he had at least an emotional relationship with.

It has been so tough on me. I never believed in divorce. I believe that it is morally "wrong." I have also seen what it has done to my children (14boy and 8 girl). Yet, I know realize that there is nothing that I can do to stop this. I have been extremely angry and unforgiving and am still working toward that end. I know with out forgiveness I will never be whole again. So, thanks for your post!!

Penny

Hello Bill and all,
Thanks for a good reminder of verses that have been in the back of my mind for so many years. My H had an A 12 years ago that lasted 3 years, then after a very shaky recovery that never really resolved anything he resumed contact with same OW 3 years ago.

I struggle with hurt and pain even now, my H cannot seem to express any feelings. I think I have forgiven him, but think you can forgive without reconciliation and since I still struggle with trust, I guess we haven't really reconciled. I am to the point of needing God to rescue me somehow, either open up my H's heart so he can learn to be honest with me, or help me through to the other side of a divorce. These past years have been so difficult emotionally. Other areas of my life are fine, we have great kids, good finances, etc. But I have always been insecure with him and he's a workaholic and has just not been able or willing to work through this so I can heal. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
We are currently starting MC, he actually seems like he's waking up after a long withdrawal and time of avoiding me. He actually wants to make it work. I have no feelings for him and think it's too late to renew them, but will give it one last try for the sake of the kids, our family.

I've ordered a couple books HN/HN,and LB, but am afraid to hope after so many years and so many other books.

I admire all of you who have the courage to move on with your lives after being so hurt. This limbo business is killing me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Bygrace <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Bill-

Thanks for your response, this seems like an issue that many have problems with.

You are right that I can't control her. I have always said that everything in life can fit into thre categories.

1-Things you can control and affect
2-Things you can't control but can affect
3-Things you can't control or affect

I have been pretty good about knowing which category thigns fit in and acting accordinly. When I found out about her A I started going through all the stages of grief. Even though her A fit into group 3 I acted as if it was in group 1. All that did was upset her since she felt I was trying to control her. That also brought me to the height of my depression. Once I realized what I was doing I started putting my own words into action and pulled myself out of my depression (along with the help of family and friends, like everyone here at MB). That is why I feel I am now at acceptance. I accept that she is having an A and I accept that there is nothing I can do to end it.

I want to forgive her but don't know how.

Quote "That’s great but simply ask that she find the Lord and He will do the rest. Asking anything else is only implying that you have some control."

Last we spoke she had started going to church but yet continued the affair. I noticed she was wearing a WWJD bracelet. So I asked her "WW, what would Jesus do?" Her answer "I don't know."

I don't know how I can forgive her when she continues to kick me when I am down. I feel I need to be able to forgive her if I am ever to move on in a relationship again.

Penny2- Here are some links to the acroynms.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000557
another
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553

Your H is right, this is all about him. Affairs are completely selfish as they give no thought to their spouse. I feel the same way about divorce as you do. My WW has filed so I need to go through with it but I feel that I have to do everything I possibly can to save my marriage.

Are you in a plan A or plan B right now?

bygrace- I am glad to hear that your M may be able to be saved! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> HN/HN is a great book, I think you will find it helpful.

STTSI

STTSI

I am not working towards Plan A or B at this point. H has filed for divorce, so I too am going with it. I just continue to pray that God has a plan for me. I also continue to struggle with forgiveness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Penny

working- I also pray that God has a plan and that I needed this in my life. I sure don't know what it is yet but I am working to figure it out.

I just don't know how I can forgive someone who continues to hurt me so much.

STTSI