Oh...

This hasn't been the best day of my life. I served a restraining order on my stbxH today. I had a TRO last month, but I foolishly let him convince me that I was safe letting it be vacated. Since then, there have been 28 days, and 14 of them have been horrible, raging days. Those of you who know me, know what I mean: screaming, yelling, name-calling, intimidating, threatening. It's SCARY! Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, but it used to be every 3 days--now it's every other day! It's getting worse, not better.

So, this Saturday night was the last straw. I was not feeling well: I had fevers and chills, and I was kind of scared because I had something like this one time before and ended up in the hospital. When I told him I thought I might end up in the hospital, he said I was just trying to control him! WHAT!!?? I was just sharing a fear with him (I HATE hospitals!!!!)

Anyway, I took it easy all day and laid around on the sofa, etc., and by 7pm I felt good enough that I thought I'd go to a movie with my daughter (it felt like an intense cold feels that first day--just bone-achy icky). My daughter was DYING to spend some time with me, and I thought I could do it, so off we went. Like a fool, I told him we were going out to the movie (he was supposed to be out-of-town with his sister playing poker at a casino). It never occurred to me to NOT tell him! Why not?

Well, while we were out, he stopped by the house. We have a secret way to get in the house where you can use a key code, and since you can't change the code without changing the "device" I haven't changed the code--and he got in. He went straight to my desk, rifled through my stuff, and then went on my computer on snooped on my computer!! I'm sure he was looking for some kind of "evidence of foul play" or something (haha! There is none, because I'm not playing foul!).

Needless to say, when I found out I was FLOORED. Just FLOORED. When I spoke to him about it (okay--called to yell at him--let's be honest), he had NO REMORSE WHATSOEVER. He said the house is in "his name" and he can come and go whenever he pleases. The computer is part his too, ya know. He had the right to do whatever he wants.

(stunned) I couldn't believe it!!!

I tried to ask, "Well, you wouldn't want me to go to your apartment and go through your stuff without your permission, would you?" "Well, legally, that place does not have your name on it." "Well, you wouldn't want me to snoop through your papers or laptop without knowing about it, would you?" "Well, that's different. In this instance, it is my property and you can't make me stay away. Technically, I do not need your permission."

HE JUST DIDN'T GET IT!

I didn't speak to him on Sunday or Monday, and finally spoke to him a bit on the phone yesterday (to answer some business questions, kid questions, etc.), but I had to lock all the doors behind me all the time, and I felt like I was constantly "on the lookout" and like I couldn't leave the house! What kind of way is that to live?? It's not.

So, I put my "feelings" aside, as best as I could, and tried to make a decision based on pure logic. Well, I have 2 options: 1) "trust" him to respect my privacy and honor my boundaries, based on his past actions or 2) take some sort of legal step to insure my privacy and enforce my boundaries.

I would have much rather had option #1!!!! I would have MUCH rather had him say, "I get it! By tecnnicality, yeah, maybe I have the right to come here, but out of respect, I'm going to choose NOT TO! You stay out of my stuff and I stay out of your stuff." But nope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It was not to be.

I agonized over this decision. I was about 99% sure that if I served, my marriage would be over. But how can I live with him just popping in any time he wants?? It's like a darn intimidation tactic, and he won't stop and the police have their hands tied!!! I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.

So, it's sad and scary and icky today. I have said the 23rd Psalm about a thousand times, and keep reminding myself that He has a rod and staff to comfort me.

BLEACK!!! I HATE THIS!!!

CJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>I have said the 23rd Psalm about a thousand times, and keep reminding myself that He has a rod and staff to comfort me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And sweetheart if you allow Him too, he gently pick you up in the palm of His mighty hand and provide you shelter under His mighty wings until the storms pass.

(((CJ)))

Dear I know this was hard but I'm SO glad that you did it. If you look to the east tonight you'll see darkness, because I'll sleep better knowing the short statured one is safer.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

CJ-

You won't live in fear of your H. You won't dwell your shortcomings and faults. You will take care of yourself and your children. Be positive. Peace.

HoFS

CJ....my friend, I have one question for you. Think about it before you answer.

You've always said that your safety was of paramount importance. What do you need to do in order to be safe?

If you need to change the device, put it on the list. If you need to have your locks rekeyed, put it on the list. If you need to see an attorney, put it on the list. If you need to have contact with h only by e-mail, put it on the list.

Then, do something. Any one of the things. Just move toward safety.

If it's so important to be safe, take just one step!

I love you and am sorry you've gone through this. But, this is the way life is. This is the way it will go on. UNLESS, CJ steps up to the plate and gets the bat off her shoulder in an attempt to get a grand slam homer.

I really feel like you will have no peace as long as you are married to the man and giving him access to your heart. He is manipulative and cruel, lowdown and coniving. And totally, absolutely, undeniably, without-a-doubt not worth it.

No great thoughts, just empathy and letting you know that I've read this.

Hang in there...I'm so sorry that despite all your hopes and your efforts it has come to this.

Steve

I am getting involved with a seperation/divorce support group through my church and one of things that I have been told so far that really affected me was that all of this is in God's plan, that God knew that I would come to this place in my place, and he has prepared a healing and restoration so that I can go on and walk in the good life that He wants me to have. The same goes for you, keep your faith. You will be in my prayers.