Hi. I won't go into detail here. I already did in the Prayer Group for 2/26 thread. Please post cites to any "anti-divorce" scripture you may know.

Thank you, and God bless you,
Tim

timbo_e

The passage that resounds in my mind comes from Matthew 5:32 "that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication (sexual unfaithfulness)..." is the only grounds for divorce according to the word of Christ...his stance is nothing more than an adaptation to the old mosaic law per the Old Testament. Being that his word supercedes many OT precepts...

However, keep in mind that NO WHERE in scripture does God and/or Christ for that matter, "command" that one must divorce an unfaithful spouse...to the contrary as was and is Christ's MO, one should extend forgiveness to the offender, nowhere did he say unequivocally "divorce" the offender in the same breath. In fact, the Amplified has been interpreted that the responsibility of divorce lays upon the one seeking such!

Godspeed!
S

timbo_e:

I can give you several scriptures to read and understand that your M is God's priority and He definitely DOES NOT want it Torn Asunder.

I would caution you, however, that YOU CANNOT PREACH THIS STUFF to your W. It won't work, it might even drive her further away. YOU MAY READ IT and understand what God's stand is on M and Div. but PLEASE do not beat her up with this knowledge.

Malachi - All of Chapter 2. (God told him: "I hate divorce" and "Do not break faith with the wife of your youth."

Hosea - All of it. Hosea's wife was basically a whore, and when her children were born (each one in turn), Hosea would ask "What should I name this one? Who's his/her father?"

Hosea's life was basically lifted up to teach God's children that no matter what the "bride" (that's us to Christ) does to the bridegroom, HE (Christ) will NEVER break His vow with her. We are to have the same mindset as He did/does, so that the world can see how we are to behave, no matter what happens to our spouses b/c God has made a vow, and HE NEVER BREAKS HIS VOW except by death.

Having said that (and believing it for myself, & others here also), I want to caution you again that there is no way you are going to convince your W of this! All you can do at this point (like many of us here) is to continue standing for your M, praying for the Lord to soften your W's heart, and become the true man of God that He wants to make of you through this ordeal.

I have gotten a "vision" of how this works. See, my WH is long gone, having "moved on" with his life b/c he was unhappy. I happen to KNOW that his unhappiness lies within himself, and the time will come when whatever he is doing will QUIT giving him the temporary happiness it now is (IF it is!) At that point, he will begin looking around for MORE happiness....and so on. I believe that eventually the solid rock of Christ (and our home) will then look good to him!!

Like the Prodigal, until our S's are truly wallowing in the PIT with the pigs, and have reached rock bottom, they will never be ready to listen, learn, or change into the spouse's we are standing for! Until my H comes around, can become the spiritual leader I need, I don't want him here!!! I have grown so much & so close to the Lord (still have a long way to go), and I realize how FAR AWAY from God we were, and it scares me to think of ever living like that again.

Truly and honestly, tim...I would rather live the rest of this life ALONE, than go back to the way things were for both of us, living in misery together, but away from the Lord. I am praying that my H reaches that conclusion some day as well.

Take care and God Bless,

Yes, I am coming to realize this I wanted to present "my side" during counseling, but I'm beginning to have second thoughts.

I don't know what to do. I feel abandoned. Abandoned by my wife and abandoned by God.

Timbo,

You are most assuredly NOT abandoned by God!

Please continue to stand, to trust, and to seek His Face. HE IS WITH YOU. He promised He would be!!!

Prayers,

Timbo---"if God is for you, who could be against you." God's love transcends all our human garbage. He loves you and your wife. (I had trouble believing that BUT it is true whether I believe it or not). In the past 2 years, I have never felt so confused about God. I could not understand why after 20+ years of working on my M as I thought God was telling me to do, my H has an affair and destroys all the good that God was trying to build into our lives. Where, I thought, is God in all this????? I look back and God is the only reason I survived the pain of MY H's CHOICES and God is the only reason, I am where I am today...healing and learning and growing. My M was toxic and it was poisioning me and slowly killing me spiritually, mentally and physically. I feel EXACTLY the same as Lupolady: Like the Prodigal, until our S's are truly wallowing in the PIT with the pigs, and have reached rock bottom, they will never be ready to listen, learn, or change into the spouse's we are standing for! Until my H comes around, can become the spiritual leader I need, I don't want him here!!!

Also I agree: Truly and honestly, tim...I would rather live the rest of this life ALONE, than go back to the way things were for both of us, living in misery together,

God is your ONLY hope. Don't let anyone (especially an unfaithful wife) take that away from you. Lots of things we cannot understand at the moment but TRUST that God is who He says He is and that His interest in you is forever.

TW

Check out Marriage and Divorce.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

NSR---I find the article about Divorce and Marriage taken to the estreme of one's viewpoint and interpretation. Many pastors hold varying degrees of understanding of the scriptures on Divorce which tells me that God does not have a blanket answer for ALL circumstances. It is our responsibility as believers to seek God and HIS answers for our marital woes.

The one part that I wholeheartedly disagree on is that a victim of infidelity has no right to ever marry again. WHY would God ban one partner from the deepest and most rewarding way of life because an unfaithful spouse made a choice to destroy what God deems the best? There will never be a chance for the victim of infidelity to experience the greatest union on earth???? I do not know a God like that.

Timbo---please read all these scriptures for yourself with an open, prayerful heart and let God reveal to you what He deires for your life. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you use these scriptures as a hammer or a bat to beat the truth into your WS. God's Word is freeing and "alive, sharper than a double edged sword" for the one who is seeking His direction.

TW

The verse I claimed when he moved out and openly professed his love for his former mistress was this...I knew I was up against alot of stuff. Alot of negative stuff and especially sin. I prepared by putting on the Armor of God. So I could stand up against the worst. And it is not fun, let me say, but I am the one here for my child and am showing him that a moral life is a great way to be and is even more fun.

God has alot in store for us. Remember, that as Paul said, if an unbeliever leaves, let him/her to for GOD HAS COMMANDED US TO LIVE IN PEACE.

My verse for spiritual warfare is basically a promise made to us for standing firm on God's ground and blindly trusting Him but being brave and stronghearted through this ordeal for our children. Here is the verse I have claimed. And God has shown me both morally and legally that we shall stand always.

"Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having done everything to stand."

I know I did all I could to save my marriage. I fought hard. Loved hard. And I am standing strong now for my little boy. And we won our first battle legally, the man's law battle on valentine's day. I cannot tell you how I was breaking on the inside when I stood in the courtroom with my attorneys flanking me and seeing him just sit there and almost fall asleep there like this hearing was wasting his time. He hadn't paid us in three months and I was standing there for my son. For our welfare. I almost cried. I prayed my prayer silently over and over. I teared up and looked away several times. But then my cell vibrated. It was a girlfriend from home. Her message at that moment was (as I found out later as I went to the bathroom). "Stand tall. You can do this. We are praying for you. He is losing everything and doesn't know it. Stand tall. You are and were a lady." God let me know I had to stand. And that day the law of man even honored me as our judge is very conservative, pro life and family and HATES ADULTERY AND ABANDONMENT.

Nobody wins in divorce. But we have to understand that the only real win is the win you have when you let faith become a central part of your existence. God only, as it has been explained to me by several protestant ministers and counselors, allows it for unrepented adultery, abandonment with no possibility of return, and unrepented evils to spouse. (abuse). It does not say we should abandon them if they are struggling with those issues and willing to somewhat work and not to give up at all easy. But as Paul said, if that unbeliever leaves (permanently), then let them go. And live in peace. I see that as plan B right now.

I have peace because I have given my stbx to God. He is lost and in no way coming closer to him. And tonight when his newest mistress jumped down in the floorboard I felt a wierd feeling in my stomach and then my small voice inside my heart told me it was because of sin. Somehow he has told her to do this. Somewhere deep down in his soul, he knows it is WRONG AND A SIN. Somewhere God may be working on him at some level. And God will be shouting to him soon as the laws of man will soon find him in contempt of violating the order of temporary settlement as per the 2/14 trial.

God will see you through. He is here with us. He protected me today from a very dangerous situation. We should find the good here. No matter how small, find the good and praise for that. Look upward and smile!

I am not overly religious, I just want to be an encourager. So many of you here have encouraged me and I thank you. Just pasing it along. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Timbo-e

Your thread has inspired me to share a few verses that have been promises upon which I have stood:

Psalm 126:5-6 "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing..."

Prov. 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In ALL (not some, ALL) thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy path."

Prov. 4:23 "ABOVE ALL ELSE, GUARD YOUR HEART--FOR IT IS THE WELLSPRING OF LIFE..."

Gal. 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

I Thes. 5:18 "In EVERYTHING give thanks (some some things...EVERY THING) for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for us."

I do not know if you would call these "anti-divorce" scriptures, but they are promises upon which my own walk with God has been built and improved.

I have a couple of thoughts for you if you don't mind. If you have two bucks to rub together RUN OUT (and I mean it...run) and get "Winning Your Wife Back Before it's Too Late" by Gary Smalley. BOY, that book will speak to your heart, I gay-run-tee (that's my Louisiana accent, in honor of Mardi Gras).

Timbo-e, I want to give you a gentle "warning." Quoting scripture to your W is not going to change her mind or cause her to want to restore your marriage. She is a human being, and your actions have hurt her DEEPLY...and quoting scripture at her will just push her away and close her spirit more. Until you can run out and get the book, here are two steps you can avoid to stop losing yardage with her (get the football analogy?).

Step One: Being Impatient. You have FINALLY seen the light and God is working in your life. You FINALLY get it, and you FINALLY love your wife and want to show it...RIGHT NOW! On the other hand, she has been hurt and hurt and hurt and now she wants nothing to do with you or being hurt anymore. She doesn't even want to think about trusting you with her heart again, and what are you doing?? Insisting that she reconcile the marriage RIGHT NOW. Forcing her to "get right with God" by shoving scriptures down her throat. My brother, timbo-e, if you want to GAIN yardage with your bride and restore your marriage RESPECT her need for separateness. RESPECT her enough to give her some time and space--enough to recover from the hurt. RESPECT GOD enough to trust HIM and put her in HIS hands while you are apart. Your job now is to use this time to build your relationship with God.

Step Two: Underestimating the Hurt. I gay-run-tee that this is losing you yardage BIG TIME. Any time that you minimize or rationalize or discount how much your wife is hurting or how much pain you caused, you are just shooting yourself in the foot. Picture yourself as a buffalo and your wife as a beautiful butterfly. A small pebble is kicked up by the wind. If it lands on you (the buffalo), it does you no damage whatsoever, if you feel it at all. But if the pebble lands on your wife (the butterfly), it does nearly fatal damage and crushes her wings and breaks them. And when you try to counter HER hurt by sharing how much pain you're in, you just dropped a boulder on her! Timbo-e, focus on HER pain. Realize that she has probably been hurting for a long time. Ask her to list the ways you hurt her, disappointed her, neglected her, abused her, and how she felt unappreciated and unloved--and if she responds and actually makes a list REJOICE. REJOICE, don't get defensive, because she just gave you a list of the things you need to make right with her!! It's a start!!!

Okay--now you run right out and get that book. Are you still reading this??? Go! Go!!

Your true and faithful friend,

CJ

<small>[ March 04, 2003, 12:59 AM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]</small>