My husband is an only child. We recently had our first baby and the change in my mother-in-law has been unbelievable. We used to get along very well but now our relationship is strained, to say the least.<BR>She wants to keep the baby every week-end or anytime we leave the house. I work 40 to 50 hours/week and when I'm home I want the baby with us. He's only 4 months old,(she offered to send us on a 10 day cruise when the baby was less than 2 months old so she could keep him). I have explained to her I would like for her to come to our house to spend time with us so she can learn his routine and his different cries, etc. This way if something comes up and we need to go somewhere alone, she'll know what to do. She has been over several times but for short periods of time, 5-10 minutes. She only lives 6 blocks from us. My husband and I have sat down with her and my father-in-law and tried to explain to them we're not "isolating" them as she put it but rather we're trying to have some peace of mind that they know his routine and schedule. I told her point blank, until she comes to our house and spends time with the baby with us there, she will not keep him. I don't think this is unreasonable especially after seeing her with him. She's very rigid holding him, doesn't know how to comfort him(she hands him off to someone else if he gets fussy) and she can't evn feed him, I've seen her put just the tip of the nipple in his mouth. <BR>To add to the story, my mother doesn't work and is keeping the baby for us. My MIL works basically my schedule. I guess there may be some jealousy there. <BR>I'm at my wits end. We've been nice about this, always asking them to come over. We've set boundaries and now I get the cold shoulder and anytime we're in the same room my MIL is full of criticism and advise. HELP !!!

I understand how frustrated you feel, but at least you have several people in your life who loves your baby and wants to take care of him.<P>You must uderstand that you are the parents and sometimes because of jealousy of the time the baby spend with your family your MIL might just be overacting a bit. Just try to be a little understanding to your MIL. I do not have your problem. <P>My mother or MIL have never spend one day taking care of my son. They just dont want to. Sometimes I would love for them to spend at least one day with him. So in this case you can be grateful that so many people are fighting over who to take care of your child. He is one lucky and loved baby.<P>Try to find a way to compromise with your MIL. She is not going to take care of your child exactly the way you want your to, because you are two diferent people. As long as she is not negligent or abusive in her care, just try to bite your tongue and swallow real hard. good luck and I hope that you find a way to work this out for the benefit of all of you, but especailly for your child.

Hello, <B>Mollygirl</B>. I think I might be able to be of some help. I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer you the first time you posted this (yes, I saw it) because I was still unjustly angry at my husband's mother. Well, it's no more now and I think I might be able to help you.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>She wants to keep the baby every week-end or anytime we leave the house. I work 40 to 50 hours/week and when I'm home I want the baby with us.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hmmmm, have you asked her why she always wants to keep your baby whenever you leave the house and every weekend?<P>I understand the working part. I also work 40 hours a week and I don't get to see my son (he's 2 going on 3) that much either so I don't blame you.<P>Not to side with her or anything, but would it be too much to let her watch him for a half hour or an hour after you get home? I'm only asking because you work more than I do and I know you must be tired because I am when I get home. Sometimes I don't go right down and get my son, sometimes I do. It depends on how I'm feeling.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>He's only 4 months old,(she offered to send us on a 10 day cruise when the baby was less than 2 months old so she could keep him).</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am very curious about why she would send you away for 10 days so she can babysit your son....have you asked her why? I do think it was a mistake to ask you something like that because your baby was too young to be away from you.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I have explained to her I would like for her to come to our house to spend time with us so she can learn his routine and his different cries, etc. This way if something comes up and we need to go somewhere alone, she'll know what to do. She has been over several times but for short periods of time, 5-10 minutes. She only lives 6 blocks from us. My husband and I have sat down with her and my father-in-law and tried to explain to them we're not "isolating" them as she put it but rather we're trying to have some peace of mind that they know his routine and schedule. I told her point blank, until she comes to our house and spends time with the baby with us there, she will not keep him. I don't think this is unreasonable especially after seeing her with him. She's very rigid holding him, doesn't know how to comfort him(she hands him off to someone else if he gets fussy) and she can't evn feed him, I've seen her put just the tip of the nipple in his mouth.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Again, not to defend her but you said that you and her's relationship is strained, right? I'm guessing she said you were "isolating" her, right? You also said she doesn't know how to comfort him......from everything you've said, she doesn't feel comfortable being around him when you're there.<P>I'm not saying this is true so correct me if I'm wrong, but do you say something everything she doesn't care for your son the way you do? I'm only asking because I used to do that. I was told that grandparents don't like to be told how to raise a child because they obviously already know how to if they had your husband, right? She might also feel as though you're too strict with him or something, maybe that's why she wants him all the time, I don't know.<P>All I know is that she's not comfortable with being told how to raise your child. I'm not defending her one bit, but you have to see it from her side. It seems to me that she wants to be in her grandchild's life badly, but she doesn't feel like she can because she can't care for him the way she wants to. <P>I'll ask you this, do you trust her with your child? I know I trust my husband's mother with my son because if I took him to anybody else, they wouldn't love him and take care of him the same way she does and I would have to worry about him all the time.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>....my mother doesn't work and is keeping the baby for us. My MIL works basically my schedule. I guess there may be some jealousy there. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are correct. Who wouldn't be jealous if one grandparent sees the grandchild everyday and the other one does? She doesn't think it's fair and she's right. It's not fair. She should be able to watch him sometimes. It doesn't have to be every time SHE wants to watch him, but you don't have to say no to her all the time.<P>The reason why she's being cold to her is because she feels as though you've pushed her out of her grandchild's life, as did I (almost). I almost made my husband's mother my mortal enemy because of something like this, but it's not that way anymore.<P>The only thing I can say is try to see things her way. I mean, your mother keeps the baby everyday, she doesn't. I'm assuming your mother can see the baby whenever she wants, she can't. I'm assuming your mother is included in the raising of your child, she's not. See what I mean? She feels left out. Whether you're doing it intentionally or unintentionally, that's the way she feels.<P>Well, I hope I helped some.<P>Take care,<BR>Miaka<P>PS I'm not in anyway mad at you or anything like that. Also, if I made any wrong assumptions, I'm sorry.