Ok...Darth is now shacked up with his latest flame, Ms. Family Values. A 25 yo and her child. And MY SON GETS TO SEE THIS CRAP WHEN HE COMES OVER FOR VISITATION NOW.

Here is latest revelation: son goes over for a few hours to visit Darth. Darth buys son a puppy to win more affection. He placed a check for 500 on top of a pile of clothes that I bought for son when he returned it after bringing son home for visitation. I ask after son goes inside to play what that's for? He owes me over 6 grand now. And my bills are piling up. The joint bills. He tries to jerk check outta my hand.

He goes home. I attempt stupidly to initiate contact to tell him that he will soon be in contempt of court. I did file the papers for that last friday. But guess what? Ms. Family Values answers the phone...I say that this is Mrs. X and may I speak to Mr. X, my husband? She acts wierd. Never before did I answer the phone at any of my old boyfriends' homes (prior to marriage I might add). That's their domain and not my space. So why was ms. family values all up for answering the phone and sounding so relaxed? Answer: SHE LIVES THERE.

Last night confirmed it. And it is hilarious. I call after he sends me an email telling me that I should sign over the house (old one back home that is worth 250 or more)to an entity in his parents' name to avoid something related to his poor decisions in business. Nope. Not bailing him out. And not giving up equity or my half. We need the dinero right now. Oh, and Ms. Family Values answered again. It was ten thirty pm. And her son was still up and running around. Ask him if he is living with her and that it is not good for our son to see this shacking up and free sex lifestyle. He says this in front of her :"well you know I don't like sleeping alone". What a woman. To love a man who would say that to his wife about his mistress. And he thinks he hangs up the phone... But he DOESN'T.

Next I hear the puppy lick the phone and sniff. It is a purebred and costly one. Then a few yips and then the real fun started. I hear a woman's voice saying "one more time and the dog is gone" very harshly. And then some more small talk but not too nice. And I guess their honeymoon is over. She is now taking over my old post as the responsible one as I see it and he WILL NOT LIKE IT AT ALL. ha ha. Then I hear someone storm out. Next I hear the entertainment center click on in the media room. Deafening rap music is playing. This is happening in the home of a 35 year old man who is living la vida loca like a 15 year old gangsta high school hormonally surging adolescent. I was laughing...

so all isn't good in the love shack...So much for WS and their fantasies. Reality crumbles around them. They make their children hurt when their own child comes home and finds another child with their parent...Another person in their old home...And no answers. Just confusion.

I am being strong for my son. We will go to court for final mediation next month. He will maybe be in jail for contempt by next week. We shall see. Meanwhile..."the love shack is a little old place where we can get together...love shack baaaaaby.."

Remember...I am trying to deal with this horrible situation. And sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh because it is so horribly comical to see a grown man act this way..And sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time. But I am ready to embrace the future and start anew. Son and I ever so deserve this.

Ha! Is ole 'Darth' listening to Eminem's song, "Cleaning Out My Closet" ha! Sounds like somebody's cleaning HIS clock heheheee. What goes around, comes around, and the way I see it, it's coming back around to him RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW...
You will triumph over evil soon enuff - just hang in there, NotPeachy...
Our prayers are with you...
Harold

He may have lost his grip on reality. But you are doing ok. It's absolutely no fun when they go around the bend. But you have no good choice other than to keep on keepin' on.

There's a Fred Astaire song with a line, "I'm gonna pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again."

Now, if I could only find a way to get doofus to reimburse me the half of the out of pocket medical expenses he really hasn't paid in the last 3 years. Oh, yeah, really a great dad.

how about he never had it to begin with, you just didn't know that

notpeachy,
I loved your description of his lifestyle:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Deafening rap music is playing. This is happening in the home of a 35 year old man who is living la vida loca like a 15 year old gangsta high school hormonally surging adolescent. I was laughing...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">because my STBXH is a 50 year old man with a 24 year old girlfriend. They've gotten kicked out of all five places they've lived together in the two years they've been together for fighting, playing loud rap music and trying to see which of them has the fouler mouth and can do the most drugs. Since I'm supporting them, they don't have to work so it's an all out PARTEEEE all day, every day.

At least you still have your sense of humor! And at least you have a safe place to come and vent. "Darth" - that's cute.

I'm hoping your life smooths out soon so that you can get on with it. Anything new on the pharmaceutical sales rep job? Did you get it?

Darth just IM'd me and asked me why I didn't yet sign the papers about the house. I said I would get back with my attorneys and forward any information to X, the first name of my attorney. He then says..X, who is that? Like it is somebody I may be seeing or something. Crazy. And it is none of his business.

I haven't yet heard back from the companies yet but have submitted my resumes for about 20. Got a few recommendations though from other sales reps I know in medical field. A matter of time hopefully.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I am exhausted. Will go to the resort where our state convention will be held tomorrow. In the mountains and at highest point in GA. Gorgeous. And IT IS PAID FOR...They are paying for my room and all misc. expenses. God I needed a getaway. even if it is only for one night. And our treasurer, A great friend who is a faith warrior and a good mom is going to be kinda a collaborator/moral support/buddy. She fully knows my struggles and she and her husband are so kind to me. So I am going to have a business meeting tomorrow around lunch for 2 hours and then the whole day is mine...And a luxury room I don't have to pay for. God knew I needed a break. Will come back sunday morning.

Darth just said on IM: why don't you quit with your internet friends and get someone you can touch? I said that I have friends and don't need anybody to make me happy anymore. Think he is beginning to not like the new me at all. I am NOT ABLE TO BE MANIPULATED OR CONTROLLED. And I am living decently. I won't change even after the d is final. But I sure would like to , as the rap artists blasting in Darth's entertainment cave would say "get freaky" one day in the future..Oh, there's time to meet Mr. Right. No Mr. Right now for me. I am still dealing with his poop.

Got a good book for the trip tonight and just sat outside on a springlike day here in front of Barnes N Noble. New Patricia Cornwall book about Jack the Ripper and she solves the mystery through new forensic/psychology and detective work. Very interesting. And I sat outside and although was wearing scrubs, I looked kinda cute I guess. Wore my sunglasses. It is fun to read/people watch when wearing sunglasses. And I saw a few decent looking guys checking me out. That is wierd. Still feels very alien to me. But there is much time left and I am only 33. That's ok.

Still haven't been paid amount yet. Darth still owes me six grand. I can't worry about what isn't happening. What I am worried about is the little stuff and if any emergencies come my way for son or I. Please pray a huge opportunity comes my way professionally. Personally, I wish that I were financially independent enough to tell him to shove his help and get full custody of our son. I am sickened that my son is over there with this strange younger woman and her child...A woman who even complained about my son's new puppy. A woman who allows her son to sleep in my son's former sleigh bed/crib. My son remembers that bed and it makes him mad. And this is a strange child spending all the time with his daddy. Horrible. He was never there for his own son since our baby was 15 mo. old. Just out and running about.

I hope this has come around to bite Darth. His inquisitions make me think that he is wondering what is up. Last night he IM'd me again and asked who a guy named Steve was. I don't know anyone with that name except for the neighbors next door..They are great friends and their five year old son is my son's best friend. Guess our son must've mentioned his buddy's father to my stbx and Darth now believes there is a mysterious "Mr. Steve" lurking about like his morally upright "Ms. Family Values". Ha. Hope he likes how that feels. But it is funny. He knows my values and morals. He knows my limits. And I know he must feel safe knowing how I feel about sex and what not. But I will bet the few pesos I have left at the end of every month that when this d is final he will lose it. Then I won't have any promise to anyone on earth. A woman now freed who has been celibate for quite sometime. No longer bound to her vows despite his blatant disregard for them. He will lose it knowing that I don't have that vow to honor anymore and will be free to well...do on a much smaller scale what he's done for the last three to four years. That must feel awful. Knowing that your still younger (much younger looking than her actual chronological age) wife, smart, and attractive, will be single and ready to mingle in a few short weeks. As they say, payback is hell. But I don't really care. I think it is kinda funny. I fully am aware that I cannot change this man. Nothing I can do as a woman can do that. Only God can do that. All I CAN DO IS be a great mom for my son and be responsible for my son and my own actions. And I can do that fine.

I am only packing an overnight back tonight. Two jog suits and one skirt and twinset. One other pair of heels. You never know who'll you could meet in the lobby of a plush hotel...Lots of conventions etc. This could be fun. But I just want to test the waters. Not really meet anybody. I am glad that my friend will be there. We've decided to go hiking after lunch and the meeting tomorrow. Then we both are bringing books and will sit on the expansive porch wrapping around the back of the resort facing the mountains and we will read in rocking chairs. I am just thankful for any blessings that fall my way.

Pray for my son. He is over there and I don't know what his little eyes see or his little heart feels. It must be very hard. Not knowing wny this woman is there. Not knowing why this little boy, barley out of babyhood, is there and sleeping in his old bed. And hearing the mouth on that woman makes my blood boil. I promise if she ever lays one hand on my son...well dss will be contacted asap. And aren't they supposed to be in the starry eyed lovers phase? Guess when you shack up at the love shack you find out that sometimes they don't squeeze the toothpaste right or sometimes they leave stinkies in the toilet or sometimes they belch or snore. And don't get me started on morning breath. So much for their fantasy. And with him previously not being there for his own son, how would this irresponsible romeo be with NOT ONE BUT TWO SMALL CHILDREN AT HIS HEELS? I can tell you. HE is bothered. This is not his style. Especially if it is not his son, the other one. And don't think that hasn't crossed my mind. The possibility this other child could be his. That he could hav eknown this woman for over two years would coiincide with his time since I've known about his first affair. Why would she be any different? She isn't. In fact, she is almost worse than Ms. Monkeyho. Because at least Ms. Monkeyho was SINGLE AND NOT A MOTHER OF A YOUNG CHILD EXPOSING THEM ALSO TO T HE SIN OF ACULTERY.

I am getting ready to go. Thank you for your kindness. I sure wish we could have a greater ATL get together for MB. That north GA mountain resort is really nice...Great place for a MB Get Together! God bless you and keep you. Good night.

Oh, and I am so sad to see the passing of a man who promoted family values and helped instill confidence and stability in our children. Rest in peace my friend for thirty years, Fred Rogers. We miss you and so need you for our children as so many of us are here embarking on a journey as a single parent trying hard to help foster those same positive values in our beloved children. You are in a far better neighborhood now. But we miss you in ours.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thinking of you peachy....your H and my X continue to parallel each other in their stupidity.

WHY do these men give up women like US to shack up with women like THEM?

I suspect it has to do with the fact that we are better than our X men, and they know it and can't handle it. So they get these horrible women so they can feel good about themselves.

It isn't about us; it never was. They have the problem...and I say let them have it.

You are doing good! I also recently sent out about 20 resumes, and had two replies so far. Not for a permanent job, but for relief teaching. Well, I am out there now anyway, so I am crossing my fingers! Crossing them for you too.

And I will pray for your little darlin'.

Love and light,

Jacky

Back from my overnight stay. Was wonderful. Read my new Cornwall book..Read 170 pages on a rocker on a giant gorgeous porch overlooking the mountains. Very nice and peaceful. But....There was a wedding last night in the waterfall garden there. Small one. Appeared to be their first as they looked in early 20's (about the same age of my stbx's newest live in concubine).

My friend and I commented on the nice gown, etc. But the time the vows were to be repeated, I bolted from the large upstairs porch that overlooked the garden. Bolted when they started the repeatings of vows. When I bolted, my friend ran inside and told me that it was ok. That I don't have to like the vows and that not all people will break them. And that it must hurt me to even hear the words repeated. I said that "she (the bride) just doesn't know what could happen to her." I didn't know. Then I cried a little in the bathroom and my friend looked at me and said that I am doing good and that I am over Darth, the evil overlord of an stbxh romantically, but I don't trust guys. She said that she couldn't even look at her husband if he had done 1/10th of what Darth has done to me. So I went and had a bloody mary and she and I shot darts in the sports pub. Then I went outside and read some more. Later on I saw the bride in the lobby. I walked up and congratulated her and decided that maybe she married a guy and wouldn't have a marriage like mine was.

Man that scared me. Am I destined one day to become the runaway bride? Am I going to meet a wonderful guy and do that same thing like I did last night? I swear it was the fight or flight syndrome. And I did flee.

Jacky..You're in my prayers and those little ones. I am mroe than sorry for the situation but we have to be strong. At least your jerko lives in another country...My x has his bimbo three miles away and has left me with bills, legal woes due to his business dealings and it relating to my other property, and no alimony/child support for three months now. And he is in contempt of court. I hope the drag him away in shackes in front of our Ms. Family Values. Clicklety Clack will not be around for long btw. She is a huntress. She has her prey now and that is not a challenge. And do you know the percent of marriages that survive after several remarriages? It is infinitely small. The oods are like 75% stacked up against them. To alleviate any fears, just seek again your attorneys' legal advice as to preserve finally and always the position you have now being the sole and primary parent in the picture for the kids' sake. I know she won't be around for long and personally, I would just continue life with blinders on and don't even begin to look their way about anything. He will regret it. He will see the nag and the woman who did break up his family. And in his mind he has done everything wrong. He knows it. But she is going for the kill now. She wants to get him to marry her. But what then? There will be no more conquest for her. Nothing. She will get bored again in a while and the first time they have a big fight, she will get called a homewrecker or a w*hore, or something like that. No man cannot respect a woman like that one.

I know I am still depressed after last night and my reaction. I did however, look at the dress the bride wore and did begin again taking notes and a look at fashion. For about a minute and a half, I thought it would be nice one day to have a small wedding like that one. With my son, few family and friends. And I thought of how it would be. But that's just fluff. A marriage takes maybe thirty minutes if your minister decides to get really wordy. It is the rest of the time together, minus those stressful thirty minutes, that count.

I am still somewhat scared about beginning again and I feel overwhelmed. I don't have enough money to pay all the bills (even my friend drove so I didn't have to buy any gas). Nobody to help out here and there. The usual single mom stressy stuff. And it makes you feel poopy. And tired. But that just may be my stress showing now. And sure I still know the depression is still there, but I deal with it properly and as best as I can do. It is purely situational and I know with time, this will too pass. Until that wedding last night, I felt not one drop of stress or anything and that was good. A whole day almost went by without any stress or remembering of my past. I don't want to not remember, because that is what is and has helped me become a better woman, mother and hopefully a better partner in a relationship. I know I am a better friend, sister, and daughter now.

Also, please pray for my job hunt and for Jacky's too. I really really really need a good one because I know that the evil overlord is always going to attempt in robbing me of the force and using it for his own dark purposes (lol). Sure wish Ptaah would beam him up to her spaceship and perform those alien experiments on him (lol)...

Oh, this is a biggie for me. I started reading Cosmo again! Read this month's issue too last night and actually didn't skim the s#x articles...That is huge for me. And a step in the right direction. For me to even suddenly decide to read muchless think again about s#x, is huge and makes me realize that 2003 may turn out all right..hee hee. Now if I can get the finances with relations to the divorce straight and the job thing going well we'd have something cooking...And then I could look toward dating. That is about as I see it, not too far off now. So that is good.

When I got home, was a notice that a certified letter has been sent to me and it is probablyh from the law firm about the house, old one I used to live in.

Not only has Darth made risky business decisions, but he has sqandered away our future by not being responsible with his business practices. And that just solidifies the description of the characteristics of the psychopath.

The book I am reading deals greatly with it as the man thought to have been Jack the Ripper was a huge psychopath. As I read Patricia Cornwall's words and descriptions and forensic psychologyical profiles of the psychopath, it did scare me a bit because they fit Darth perfectly. And get this folks...The forensics experts she interviews in the book say that the greatest fear of the psychopath is one thing: getting caught and THEMSELVES AND THEIR HAPPINESS BEING IN JEOPARDY.

So for me, Jacky, Wifty maybe, GIIC, and a few others dealing with those who are possibly psychopath's we need to rethink our approaches to them. Deal with them and show them that our only recourse when dealing with them and they do not follow through on their legal orders or decrees is to punish them to the fullest extent of the law and present it to t hem in the manner that it is in their best interest (THEIR BEST INTEREST ) that they pay, or whatever..Because it would SERIOUSLY HURT THEM PROFESSIONALLY, EGO, WHATSOEVER. I think if we present it like that we may get different results. For if we tarnish their ego's, make them suffer a bit, they should change their tunes for they only desire what they want. They just are not capapble of feeling or experiencing love or empathy for anyone else except themselves. Just not wired right.

Remember this. I am going to try this apprach when I deal with Darth. Hopefully that will be very little in the future. And remember...Psychopaths will not ever wake up one day and regret their choices. Can't do it. So I am not holding my breath. Remember this when you pray too. They just cannot help their actions. Only way for them to change, and that is a slim one at best, is through intensive treatment and I sure know Darth's massive ego wouldn't allow that to happen.

Yucky day. Had severe suv trouble but my guardian angel was on my shoulder. Lost control of the truck on interstate on way home from work when steering column locked up and so did brakes. But was able to get onto shoulder and it was a straight path so I was safe. God was good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And in about five minutes (this was four pm ok so heavy atl traffic on interstate) the yellow help trucks for stranded cars arrived. Two of them! I had just called roadside assistance. The trucks, one pulled in front of me, other in back, turned on their sirens and waited with me for about 45 minutes. This is scary when you really don't have anyone to call in time of need. Within an hour the tow was there and the nice guy even let me go to a gas station to use the potty...Whew! And at the dealership where I leased vehicle, they were so nice...Put me in a new lincoln town car until it is fixed of no charge. And their sales manager said for me to hold tight on my suv for six more months and get credit back going and they will make it soooo easy...Lower interest rates and will get a new aviator for over a hundred a month less. Cool. God may have given me a setback today but they assured me that I will be ok with my vehicle situation as I was secretly worried about how I was going to get another car when this lease was up. So that fear is gone.

Darth brought son home. He got there much before I did although I phoned him briefly and explained my car situation. He sat on my front porch with son. I drove into driveway and saw someone in the passenger seat immediately turn off the light in the car. Was Ms. Family Values. Then she --get this--DOVE DOWN INTO THE FLOORBOARD AS SO I COULD NOT SEE THE WENCH.

Oh they are so much of a pair. I said to Darth...Is that your babysitter in the car..hee hee. And in the meanwhile, I saw a formidible form standing sternly in the porch area next door. IT WAS MY NEIGHBOR'S HUSBAND STARING STERNLY AT DARTH. Then his wife comes outside and says friendly "Hey Peachy...Had a long day? " Turns out THAT THEY SAW HIS CAR COME UP WITH MISTRESS IN IT AND SAW THEM SITTING THERE SO HER HUSBAND FIRST WENT OUTSIDE AND ANGRILY STARED AT THEM AND THEN SHE BROUGHT THE DOG OUTSIDE TO POO AND IT WENT CRAZY BARKING AT DARTH (dog is a puppy and knows my son). Believe it or not, Darth is now finding out that THE REST OF THIS WORLD JUST DOESN'T THINK IT IS COOL TO DUMP OFF YOUR WIFE AND CHILD AND LET A W3HORE MOVE IN WITH YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR BABY. JUST NOT ACCEPTED STILL NO MATTER WHAT THEIR FOGGY MINDS INVENT.

I am soooooo tired. Got in over twelve hours after I left. Son is going through the usual transitional emotional thing after dad leaves. I swear. Darth is something else. I cannot believe he would bring that thing over with him. And it is funny,. He couldn't even bring himself to drive in the driveway.

Guess Ms. Family Values wanted to see what a REAL WIFE AND MOTHER LOOKS LIKE. I was tired and exhausted, but professional looking in my long labcoat and scrubs. Makeup and hair still looking ok after 12 hours. Take that and shove it up your sphincter Ms. Family Values. Oh, and in front of the car as he was getting in he said, "oh, who is steve?" "I wonder who that is." I said who cares. Darth was inquiring of the mystery man again even in front of his new mistress. Ha ha. Hope she feels like poo. But probably not. He was just trying to justify his adultery. Too bad I haven't committed it. But it felt good to see him squirm.

Know that isn't nice, but he is not at all nice.

Need to work on my attitude I know. But today God showed me a lesson. Let Darth Go . I, God can take care of you. You'll be all right in the long run. Your fears are just what they are--only fears. I will trust God and start praying again for Darth harder and for me not to become so cold hearted that I cannot let go of this burden of anger anymore. He is lost and I should feel bad for that. I am sorry he is this way. And found out there is ANOTHER PET NOW IN THAT HOUSE. As per son. Oh well..

He has made his bed (s) and now he has to lie in it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The forensics experts she interviews in the book say that the greatest fear of the psychopath is one thing: getting caught and THEMSELVES AND THEIR HAPPINESS BEING IN JEOPARDY.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">that is the correct approach, and i did not use it, and did not get to the correct information until it was too late. . .

i regret it deeply. . .
am trying now, but running into lots of typical resistance that it looks like i am the one that is wacko, since she stonewalls as soon as i get near that power post. . .

she will say one thing to everyone and do another. . . smile, friendly, etc. . . i tried today, and when i agreed with her point, she responded agreed, when i expressed an expectation of truth from her, without lying by ommission, she said she didn't understand, my paragraph was too long. . . .

ugh!

but you are correct on the assumption of fearing those with power. . .

wiftty

<small>[ March 04, 2003, 12:39 AM: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</small>

wiftty, maybe she has narcissistic personality disorder. I looked that up, and I am almost 100% sure X has it. And your X sounds like mine, only female.

Peachy, hang in there.....I LOVE that she hid from you. I wish his woman would have hidden from me, but no, brass is brass whichever way you look at it. Also she sat there because I had asked for that NOT to happen....so that was reason enough for her.

I watched Jerry Springer today, because I needed an outlet for my rage at X for hurting the kids so much. Anger is goooooood to get out. Denying it is denying yourself the right to expect BETTER from a person. nyway, I watched these poor women wanting to find out if their husbands were in fact having affairs, and of course in every case they were. It was disgusting. I will never watch it again. But what I heard was that the OW told the wives that the reason they came to them was because the wives were *****es, lazy, controlling, etc etc, and then the men came out and said the same words. Sound familiar? The old spinneroonie...and what will OW get? Eventually she will be the one accused of being controlling, because she won't be letting hubby outta her sight, especially since she KNOWS he is capable of cheating.

I am so angry because things have been said by my kids at school that reinforce the extent of their pain for me. The teachers at their school are fully informed and are soooooooo caring and watchful of my kids, and me, too. I ended up in the VP's arms (female arms....rats) crying my eyes out today, for example. And she cried along with me.

UGH.....SHE just signed into MSN, and it is taking ALL my willpower NOT to blast her for my kids' pain.....I amy just have to say something this time. Maybe just "Do you know or even CARE what you are doing to my kids? But then I know she doesn't. So why bother?

Sorry....I am taking way too much of this talking about me, peachy....you are a gem, and your H is so stupid to pass you by. I live in hope that he will learn to regret it one day. Because he darn well SHOULD!

Love and light,

Jacky

I suppose you will all be happy to know that in standing with good MB principles, as well as keeping my self respect, I kept to my high road and did NOT IM Clicketty Clack.

Just thought I would share <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love and light,

Jacky

Thanks Nina my bud from down under and Wifty...Found out today that MEDIATION DAY IS NEXT WEEK. NEXT FRIDAY. Took off from work. I teared up a bit inbetween patients, maybe because I know I did the best I could and it is all over now. Nothing left and I am ok. It is awful what they do sometimes...and if somebody isn't happy, why can't they vocalize it and work on things? That is what I do. And I even let my job know a few months back that I am not happy with the way things are going. They pack my schedule soooo tight and no raises yet...Just two bonuses last year. Raise would've been much more. And they need to increase my hours b/c they are certainly increasing my patient load. I don't even pick my head up. That busy.

And I guess the realization that he is no longer at all who I thought he was has set in. He has ripped apart willfully our family. That is the reality. It was his choice but as to now, seeing all this in the open, I choose the present. I am glad I am not in the dark anymore.

So in essence, I will be free next friday. It may take two weeks up to a month for judge to finally sign the papers. I am even signing up for the divorce seminar the law requires on the 18th so I can speed this through. Both parties have to do that before judge signs papers. I am not wasting any time. I am sure next friday I will cry. W ho wouldn't if they fought like hell for their family. MB principles did help, but my stbx Darth did not have a family or friends who supported me in these beliefs. In fact, they stand back and enable him to continue. Have totally lost all respect for such people.

And my lead attorney (remember I have two because I am up against a guy who doesn't think he has to abide by the law) said that they spoke to his attorney and that we are sure that based on the conversation, my attorneys will be able to reach a good settlement next week. Plus I found out Darth's attorney has been made aware of Darth's contempt and that has also been filed with the state and it was confirmed by state yet the trial date for that is after the mediation. But should we not mediate well, it will be huuuuge for the trial, which is slated for April incase it doesn't work. We secured in our best interest of course, the best meditor for our situation. This is also good as per my attorney.

My attorneys also told me something today and I've never been able to think about things in this manner before: that this is very much like selling a business and that the proceeds from that sale will last about 14 more years. So Darth is trying to get the least for his money for the next fourteen years. And I am trying to get the most of that next 14 years. They said that I should know that this is how most probably Darth has viewed things and that is why he's made me sooooooo miserable and been hateful and spiteful and not paid me. They will also bring into play during the mediation fact Darth is living with Ms. Family Values and her child...We believe she doesn't work so this is important. She can't leech off my and my son's situation. Plus is not good for his visitation times to have and expose son to this. That will bring custody questions into play.

My attorneys are going to fight hard. Darth's attorney isn't as good as my lead attorney but that doesn't really matter. I just want closure for this awful mess he placed me in. But I will have an open mind about this because I want this PAIN TO BE GONE ONCE AND FOR ALL. I know a piece of paper won't do it and there will be more mourning once it is final and dead. Like ending life support on a patient I guess. You do all you can and sometimes there is nothing that you could have done to save the person. Only way I can relate I guess.

Gosh. It almost makes two years that I have been here in GA. Worst two years of my life. I had so many good dreams for my family. Thought we moved away from his mistress but she kept coming back like herpes. And now there's this new one. Sometimes I wonder if Darth has ever cried? If he has ever felt anything about this. I don't know. If he hasn't he will. For next friday he loses the best things that have ever happened to him. His wife and his family as he knew it once. His life will be relegated to a weekend dad twice a month. And an x wife who is still practicing plan B so no contact. Never as long as he is living in this manner and being the type of destructive person he is.

Sometimes I wonder if I am going to one day give up plan B because I just won't care. I hope that will happen. He cheated, abused, and mentally bruised me soooo much. For almost four years now. And you cannot give someone another chance to do that again. Not unless he decided to go to therapy/psychiatrist. And even then not until and if progress was made. I went to counseling. And she concluded that anybody who'd lived through this much stuff witht their partner would be probably in a madder stage than the one I am in right now. I am through denial. No more bargaining. I am in anger and hopefully acceptance is next.

But she said the acceptance isn't easy as nobody, and not especially a Christian mother and wife will accept this kind of build up to a divorce. Nobody will accept adultery or abuse willingly. She said I don't have to like it but just work to ccept the fact it is not me anymore and I have to smile and start building again for tomorrow. She doesn't think I will be single too long but thinks that I may end up pushing guys away because I may not initially be able to trust. And that's the truth. Maybe hire CIA to do background checks on my dates (lol).

Left work immediately today after last patient fifteen minutes early. I am home. I need new resilience to start building for me and son. Need to stop hurting and begin with that spunk I had about two months ago. Need to start working on me and not being afraid of the future alone. That was my fear and what I was hiding from. It is here. The divorce I can't hide from no more sticking my head down in the sand and wishing this poo would go away.

I know I have almost hit the bottom. It is next week. But the bounce has got to come. I need it. I am ready. Just need a bit of encouragement and I will give it also to yhou here who've been so kind. This has to be the hardest phase. The dread. Oh, and get this...The d will be final probably on the day before my birthday. So am I ever gonna have a holiday without a trigger? filed first 9/11/01, first court date 2/14/03 and next the final decree on day before birthday...Oh well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Just a thought. Maybe some of us new divorcees and divorcees to be should plan A ourselves...We do need some TLC right? Start doing the best for us and treating ourself good. No more blame. Do the best with what we've got and make some lemonade right?

HEy I am trying to be positive...

Hi Peach,

I am not sure if I have ever posted to you or not. Hope you do not mind but can I give you some input from my perspective.

Just some background. I was with my ex for about seven years. He was and is a serial cheater and very very naricisistic. Two years before we finially ended our relationship one of our many therapists said to end it. No if ands or buts she said if I was to survive to old age I needed to leave him. And this she said before she knew about the emotional and speradic physical abuse.

Our mutual parting is still going on. Even though I am now married to a wonderful man and live in England. We have trials going on for breaking the DVP and physically attacking my Mother.

I want you to think this through. I know you have your son visit your STBX. How do you want the visits to be maintained? Under what guidlines and think about drop off and pick up? You already have problems with him forcing himself into your house. Take this into considerations. Also financially should your STBX pay penitaties for being late in payments. How do businesses handle such late payments. Such as do you tack on a penalty payment. Can you dedect from his business automatically? When can you do reviews to see if you can up the amount of child and spousal support? Have that written in and have him give you copies of his finacial records. Because do you really want to have to go to cort all the time? Now onto your son's college. Get it in the court documents that your H has to pay for half. If he refuses than contempt of court and prospect of jail time. Get it in writting! Also are you able to get part of his retirment. You were a STHM for quit some time. Also what about STBX taking out an insurance policy with you and son as benficiary in case something happens to him. Make it court ordered that he has to keep the payments up to date and can never change the benficiaries on it. Hence again contempt of cort. Since STBX has not paid you yet and is in comtempt have him arrested in court. I did that to my ex once. Proved to him in actions that I was not playing games. He either play by the rules or go to jail. Really sit down and think of every aspect that you want covered and protected financially.

Now here is the advice that will be the hardest for you to do; Try and forget about your STBX. Treat him as a stranger. Polite but not friendly. Your marriage is over. I am sorry for your loss but when dealing with someone like him you cannot always react to his crazy making. My ex use to do really stupid things to try and get me to react. They thrive off of it. To make your life sane you have to get him out.

I really do hope I helped even with all the misspellings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />