H and I have been talking a bit over the last few days. See my last post for the background: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=009625

I've been rehashing some of the stuff he said, and I'm getting more and more pissed off.

Some of the things he said I'm glad he admitted to.

First the his EA is finally cut off (after me talking to her pastor and the pastor talking to her!). Neither can actually see what an EA it was. so now, he can't hang out there anymore. And now he's lonely. Big surprise (not!)

But now that we are talking about us, it's almost like he's trying to get me to take the BLAME for him leaving me. No matter how bad I am (which I'm not really) that doesn't justify him leaving me. that's HIS CHOICE.

I read this on a web page this morning:


Resist the temptation to blame your spouse for your actions. No matter how bad your marriage was - or is - it is never a license to be unfaithful. It is appropriate to identify how your spouse contributes to the problems in the relationship, but it is destructive to place responsibility on them for the way you decided to cope with the problems


H has admitted that this family was his escape from our problems... and even admitted this weekend that he probably never would have left me without having them as a support system (although they never encouraged him to leave).

I went to our old marriage counselor yesterday and told her about what H and I are talking about and pointed this out to me, that he's trying to get me to say it was MY FAULT he left. She's right. HE is. and damn it, it's not my fault. She's right.

She says until he can admit and accept full responsibility for his actions I shouldn't consider any kind of reconciliation. She's right.

BUT GOD, do you know of any woman who's pregnant and due in 3 weeks who wouldn't just want to cave in and accept her husband back just to get through the newborn stage.

This is really pissing me off. I'm strong. I can do this. But I'm really very irritated at him today. I don't deserve this.

I told my lawyer last night to go ahead and serve him the divorce papers. You can call off a divorce anytime, and he's not saying the right things yet. I'm not going to delay protecting myself because he's being nice.

I will keep you in my prayers as I feel that is about all I can offer at this point. I will email God is in cotrol who was also pregnant (with her 4th) when she found out about her husband's A.

God bless,

D.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She says until he can admit and accept full responsibility for his actions I shouldn't consider any kind of reconciliation. She's right.

BUT GOD, do you know of any woman who's pregnant and due in 3 weeks who wouldn't just want to cave in and accept her husband back just to get through the newborn stage.

This is really pissing me off. I'm strong. I can do this. But I'm really very irritated at him today. I don't deserve this.

I told my lawyer last night to go ahead and serve him the divorce papers. You can call off a divorce anytime, and he's not saying the right things yet. I'm not going to delay protecting myself because he's being nice.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">so hurt, I had to come back and respond to this as I can totally relate to how you feel. My kids are older so I am not going through the same exact situation but can understand how you might feel. It would be very temping to take him back right now, and possible that may be a good thing. WH may not be able to admit at this point his responsibility for his actions, but that might now mean he's not ready for the recovery process.
The other side of me says - no way don't let him back until he's ready to admit his responsibility.

I would suggest a phone session with one of the Harley's. They are really good at helping discern the sincerity of his wanting to work things out, amound other things. I did counseling and was very thank full that I did.

D.