Hi,
I'm new to this but I could really use some help. I have been married for a little more tha 20 years, all in all a good marriage. Something happened to me when I turned 40, maybe a midlife crisis of sorts. I became restless and thought I needed something more. I became involved in a few relationships (no sex) with several men. These came and went and thigs were better but I still felt empty and not "in love" with my husband anymore. I met another man who I care about very deeply. In fact, I seperated from my H and I now live with this man and am getting divorced. My H also has another Woman living with him. He says he doesn't love her but he doesn't want to be alone. He says she is a good person. I thought this would be easy. When I first moved out I just wiped my H out of my mind. Maybe I was so swept off my feet by my new love that I didn't care. The problem is I DO CARE! I realize what I have done to my H myself and my family. I feel so much guilt and regret for hurting him and us so deeply. Amazingly enough, he still loves me and doesn't want the D. I wish I would have stuck things out and worked through them like I know was the right thing to do but I can't change the past. THe trouble is I truly care about my new man also. He has been badly hurt in the past and I can't do this again. I think we could be happy and have a good future together but I feel so torn and guilt ridden no matter what I do. Should I just get the D and move on? THere is so much more to this story but I don't have time to get into it now. I'm looking for some kind of guidance and response. I need some peace in my life. Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Read the concepts on this site, to help you understand your marriage, your emotional affairs and your current physical affair.
Also read the books, His needs/Her needs and surviving an affair.
You'll find a wealth of material.
Good Luck.

Whatever you decide to do, DON'T play a threesome game with your H and your new man. My W had the same problem and lied to me about why she held on to her OM for 1 1/2 years. Now she wants me back but I cannot go back to her. I filed for D because I have absolutely no trust in her any more.

You are already separated from your H and with someone else. You both must decide what you REALLY want and go for it. DON'T go back to your H and then hurt him again (as well as your OM) later.

Do you want your H bad enough to hurt your OM?
Are you just on a guilt trip and want the security back of your old life?

SEE A COUNSELLOR...talk this out...

Hi,

Your odds of lasting with this new relationship are worse then winning at blackjack in a casino on a regular basis. Sounds like the typical I have my cake but do not want him to have his, He should be depressed and pinning for you as you are with another man. I am sure these feelings for your husnabd only popped up because he recovered from you pretty good and has a new woman that is not you. You have some tough choices to make but remeber you are married to him not the guy you left him for. I would not use the pity excuse for your new man as I will stay with him and not hurt his feelings. Well too bad for him, what does he expect going after another man's wife. Amazing the balls on this guy to use this tactic of please do not hurt my feelings etcc... But does he care about what he and you did to your husband. I think not or he would have never went after you.

Either way good luck, but I would love to find out about your life in two years. A relationship that is founded on lies and deceit usually ends up bad. How can a trusting relationship be when both people used lies to get in that relationship. We can lose everything in this world but those who have honor and integrity can at least hold their head high.

I am not judging you as I myself have flaws that I need to fix. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. sometimes is it were you least expect it.

Toyman

Toyman,
thanks for your response. You sound a little harsh like maybe you were hurt once too. I know I have done wrong. I wish I would have realized it before someone else was involved. I went looking for diamonds when they were in my own back yard all along. No matter what, someone gets hurt.....bottom line.