I'm tired of telling my story to everyone.
The question I have is, how do I break it to my husband and children I'm divorcing?
Should I involve a counselor?
I'm scared of my husbands reaction.
It won't be coming as a big surprize.
I've been shaking for a week.

((Aly))

It would help to know why your divorcing and age/sex of the kids. Also are you seperated or when will someone be moving?

Generally speaking, I think it would be best for you to talk privately with your husband. Presuming that y'all agree on a parenting plan then tell the kids together.

Thanks Bill,
I don't think that would be safe. My girls are 10 and 13.

Aly

Why are you divorcing?

Is that what's "not safe"?

This is a Marriage Builders site. We generally root out all the excuses for divorcing before endorsing.

He's been unfaithful and physically abusive, need I go on?
I know talking helps but I'm talked out. It's been a 15.5 year roller coaster. I want off.
I've been working hard for the last 2.5 years to find myself again.
All I wanted was to love him and to be loved.

Aly

Aly,

I don't have much in the way of suggestions but someone will come along who has been in your shoes that can guide you so you come up with the best possible solution.

Do you have a safe place to go? Have you contacted support groups or agencies that deal with the issues that you are facing? In some cases, it might just be better to leave depending on how he may react.

I will keep you in my prayers that you know instinctively what to do and that God will guide and protect you and the kids.

D.

(((((((Aly)))))))

“””Should I involve a counselor?””” Are you currently in counseling? If not, then yes a counselor will help you. If your asking about some type of counseling for your husband, I would venture to say that he wouldn’t be agreeable to that.

So if you’ve decided that divorce is the answer then your physical safety is of up most importance. You inferred that a private conversation with him is unsafe, so that’s obviously out.

The way I see it, you’ve got a couple option but either one of them involves first consulting with a lawyer. That is of utmost importance especially if there is a chance for abuse.

Option #1 – Take the kids and run. Not my favorite option but in many cases it is appropriate. File for a restraining order and divorce and get the heck out of Dodge.

Option #2 – Consult with a lawyer. Take the kids to a safe place. Meet with your husband in a very public place and talk with him about what you see the future looking like. Ask him to move out or you be prepared to move.

Anything that you decide, the one thing you need to think about is getting your girls into counseling, especially if they’ve witnessed these actions.

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: LostHusband ]</small>