Sometimes I still can't really believe I'm essentially single, though not yet divorced. And I am dating someone. At first, everyone seemed to want to set me up with someone, but now that I'm dating, they leave me alone.

I relate to what bangarra said about dating more for companionship than anything else. That and proving to myself that at 51, someone would still be interested in dating me. I felt so undesirable when my H left me for someone I thought of as so unattractive that when I first heard the rumors of the A, I didn't even feel threatened!

I live out in the boonies, where everyone seems to be coupled up and there really aren't many places to meet someone. When I lived in the city I had lots of single friends - still have several single friends there - and singledom was rarely greeted with matchmaking offers or pointed questions that implied something was wrong with you if you weren't at least dating.

I am sure there are people who are happy alone, but I have noticed that in almost every instance the people who say they are happy alone have decided that after dating someone new, even if only briefly.

Mitzi,

But if my calculations are right, two months after that date you were living with someone you had been dating for only two weeks, whom you later married.

Hi back, Sing. I hope you and the kids are well, Honey.

Lv,
Jo

Yes Nellie, that's true. But what I was trying to say was, I didn't feel comfortable dating UNTIL I was happy with myself. I was happy before I met my current H. It didn't take meeting him and eventually marrying him to make me happy. If I hadn't met him, I would have been just fine by myself.

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LetSTry, I know exactly what you mean. I want to date someone just to prove that I am not the "loser" my stbxh would have me think I am. And I do miss the "adult" companionship, conversation, interests, all the neat things we used to do together when things were good. I also RESENT the fact that he has someone to do all that with and not skip a beat!

I love my girls, but they have their own lives and at this point most of my friends are married so it makes it hard for us to continue on the same level. Although most of them are great!

As I said on my earlier post I am making plans to move forward alone, but only time will tell if it makes me feel happy or not...hopefully so!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nellie1:
[QB]I am sure there are people who are happy alone, but I have noticed that in almost every instance the people who say they are happy alone have decided that after dating someone new, even if only briefly.

QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I'm the instance who hasn't dated & I am very content alone. I enjoy the time the boys spend with their dad. don't do very much but read but I enjoy my time.

YES, YES, YES ~ I LOVE BEING ALONE, NO ONE BOTHERING ME. I LOVE MY LIFE WITH JUST ME AND MY BOYS.
I AM HAPPY WITH MYSELF, AND NOT REALLY EVEN IN TO THE "DATING THING". JUST NOT INTERESTED IN THAT ANYMORE.
I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED (FOR THE SECOND TIME) FOR 1-1/2 YEARS. I RUSHED INTO A RELATIONSHIP AFTER THE FIRST DIVORCE, WHICH WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I HAD MADE IN MY LIFE, AND ENDED UP MARRYING HIM, WHICH WAS EVEN A BIGGER MISTAKE.

I GUESS THE ONLY THING I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT I MISS ONCE IN AWHILE, IS THE INTIMACY, BEING TOUCHED, OR SOMEONE JUST BEING THERE. I DON'T REALLY MISS THAT TOO OFTEN, AND IT COMES AND GOES.

I AM FINALLY AT PEACE AT AGE 44, AND I LIKE WHERE I AM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't think God made us to live alone but there is certainly advantages if you desire to live your life a certain way. I keep reminding myself though that I better be careful cause this life can become very selfish.....not alot of stretching and learning another point of view. This is very one-dimensional living. It is different if you have children living with you but when you are a mid-life single, YOU ARE ALONE.

I have never lived alone in the 54 yrs I have been alive so this is a new adventure for me. I am feeling better and better each day about living alone but am still grieving my losses. Statistics show that M is the healthiest way of life cause of the support it provides but the stress of living with an alcohol abuser and unfaithful spouse is not worth the support that may be there.

I do think that I put alot of pressure on my WS to bring me happiness but isn't that what husband's and wives are supposed to do for each other.....bring each other happiness.

I guess the best way to live is to find contentment in whatever comes. What if, why, and what can do I have to do can wear you out and take the enjoyment out of live.

TW

tossedwave, I already wrote a very longwinded response on your thread, but I just had to say here that the statistics I've read show that marriage is definitely healthier for men, in fact the happiest people according to the survey I read, were married men, followed by unmarried women, then married women, and last were the unmarried men.

I've always related to you because you're also in your 50's and your H is also an alcoholic. Take care and remember that this too shall pass.

I'm bumping this up because I think the post on this thread by "Skye" is very insightful for newly divorced folks, as well as the whole dang thread is a good read.

Jo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 24, 2003, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

GEEZE Jo,

I thought I was having a senior moment. I thought about posting this morning about being alone and here pops up this post. I thought I wrote it and forgot.

I am feeling sorry for myself tonight, I have a cold and feel miserable and am alone on Christmas eve. I dont know if I should go tomorrow as I had planned becasue I dont want to infect them all. Maybe I can just crawl under the covers and wait for the new year to be here. This one sucks!

I'm sorry you're sick, Lora. I'm still at work, then to co-workers.

I think you should make tons of chicken broth laced with plenty of pepper and drink it all.

If you don't feel up to it, I say you shouldn't go to ex-in-laws tomorrow. Also, you probably are still contagious and with your ex-MIL ill and all ... well you get the jist.

Maybe, just maybe, it's met to be, cuz maybe ex-H would show up at a random time instead of his planned time and you'd have that hurful encounter.

Just some thoughts.

Feel better soon.

Love,
Jo

Merry Christmas to you both.

I have dated and felt much better about the divorce when I was dating, but I think that was because after all the abuse I had been through, it was really nice to have some affection and attention, and someone who cared about ME. After it was over it still gave me confidence about myself and I felt more attractive, that there was indeed hope for me in the future, that I may meet someone who I could share my life with.

I am happy that I do not have to argue every day, that I make plans and they are carried through, that when something needs fixing, it gets done NOW, not when some man feels like doing it, that I can cook or not and not feel guilty, that I can go to bed whenever I like, that I don't have to answer to anyone for everything I do, say and spend, and the list goes on and on. I like my independance.

But today, it is Christmas. This is the first Christmas I have ever awakened alone in the house, ever, my whole life. And that is not a happy feeling. But soon I will be going to my parent's house, and we will have a nice get-together. My brother will be there, and I haven't seen him for so long. No kids, they are with their dad. It is his right, but it still hurts me. No, today I am not happy, but it is only one day in a year, instead of every day BUT one, like it was in my marriage in the end.

So I am grateful.]

Merry Christmas everyone.

Love and light,

Jacky

I've been happy with my H perhaps 10 days in more than 10 years of M -- but there was always the hope that we could have intimacy.

If we D, I won't allow myself to become intimate because of my views of M as being until death do us part. That's why I put up with severe physical abuse but fell apart with an affair.

Thanks for your words, Skye. As I read them, I asked myself, "What, after all, am I going to miss?" This M was not a marriage right from the start. What I am losing is false hope.

I was at church ALONE tonight. The kids didn't want to go. It hurt deep inside to be driving to church by myself. I turned on Grobins CD loud, to sound out the pain in my heart in my vehicle. What was really nice, was the greeting I received at the door and walking in the parking lot. I was given so many hugs, so wonderful, so refreshing, and even got a kiss on my cheek. Pastor and I prayed. He talked to me a little before church, and we prayed. I will see him Sunday. And told him the situation I am in with, the diagnosis of my left shoulder tear, and the situation that my xhusband didn't pay the Dr. that did my right shoulder tear, that my xhusband did to me. And now my left shoulder is torn, from overuse. And my back has never been right since the abusive action my x did to me.

I have medicaid, only until Feb. 12. So I may have to find another Dr. to do the surgery on my left shoulder. Since the first Dr. was not paid in full. When I called the office, they already told me I have an overdue bill. I told them that it was when I was married to my husband, and that now I am divorced and on medicaid. So they are going to talk to the Dr. and see if he will take me. Cause there is somewhere around a $2000 overdue bill with that Dr. If he won't take me, then I have to go through Medicaid to see if I can find another Orthopedic Surgeon that does shoulders. And get this done in the time frame I am in.

Seems I try to get ahead, and then bam! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I get set back again. Pastor and I prayed, and that is all I can do until I start calling, and getting an appointment with a surgeon set up to find out what the surgery will entail.

Hope some of you are having a Merry Christmas. I am not having a Merry Christmas. Just going through the smiles, the thanksyous. But deep inside, I feel like just crawling in a hole and giving up. Hopefully, the new Year will be better. Seems it can't be worse than it has, but I bet it could. So I am just thankful it isn't worse, but would like to have some really wonderful days ahead.

Hope everyone is really thinking about what this day means. The service tonight was wonderful. I would of loved to have my children there to listen. But they all are 17-25 (4 of them) and they all decided like their father that they don't need church. So they are following their fathers footsteps. Makes me sad, but their father impresses the kids. Anyways. Goodnight, and hope some of you can wake up with a smile. Goodnight.