Wondering through Seperation/Divorce process how the impact of your WS degenerate behaviors and lifestyles are directly affecting your kids moral, emotional development, their stablity,and own idenity issuses.

The children caught in between the chaos/vortex are bigger victims of the WS misconduct than we realise. The WS deviant behaviors affects them as much as the betrayed spouse. Little help and support seems to exists for them.

I wish there was a special space created here on the MB site designated for our kids to vent,release their pain and recover. The reality is the affair has harmed them directly as well. And have a place to receive much needed guidance, support to become educated/equipped.

The sins of father and consequences run deep. Trying to turn the tides of the adultery devastation makes victims of us all. The BS has enough to deal with in trying to recover.

Adultery simply is really a severe form of abuse. Recovery involves special structure and handling.

I think it would wonderful for boys to discover from real men what spousal self respect,intergity, loyality, morals, family values and love really means.

The toxic emotional baggage accumulated in their hearts resulting from exposures of parents sexually unhealthy behaviors is devastating.

It seems the children are the forgotten victims through the whole process, as they too are experiencing soul betrayal,as on the same level as the betrayed spouse.

The lies, betrayals,and sickness in their families life is overwhelming and imprints them with life long trauma, if not handled properly within a healthy structure. The unfortunate fact this area has been overlooked is a shame.

The media only reinforces lust, betrayal and disrespect, conditiong our kids at such an early age to use affairs as a way to deal with life problems.

We live in such a lustful, disposable throw-away culture, how do kids discern and break the patterns they have witnessed?

In our particular situation the painful reality that my kids dad is truly a degenerate is not comprehensible to them.

He is arrogant and proud of himself, and flaunts his addictions. He tries everything he can to make his swinging lifestyle appealing to them and uses very subtle covert tactics which convinces them.

He has lied to them for so long and has denied his multiple affairs. He is extremely determined to pull them into his pit and does everything he can to seduce and manipulate them. His constant lying to them sickens me. I see this as an extreme form of cruelty, and they cannot see it.

The head games and skillfull craft which he plays and emplys on them is seriously harming their emotional, mental and spritual health in ways I have never imagined.

For instance when they go to visit him at his play-boy bachelor pad, he flaunts all his pictures and photos, of all his numerous girlfriends around the house which I am sure sends my own son's hormones raging.

He is desperately trying to get the kids to come live with him and offers them unlimited opporutnities to drink, do drugs, party at his house and join him in their sex zone of pleasures with him if they want. He acts very casul so that they will desire what he has and wants them so badly to respect; to accept his perverse lifestyle to ease his conscience.

My children are on some level trying to resist the obvious negative destructive areas of his lifestlye in order to connect with the only father they have ever known, but because their hearts override in this area, they lack true wisdom and proper discernment to identfy his deceitful behaviors.

Their consciences have been so weakened, confused and hearts so damaged and bruised. I am saddened that he does not love them, or respect them. They sadly are on the bottom rung of his ladder of his priorities and it's hard to face this for them, because their bonds for the only father they have known run so deeply.

He hides the expenditure of money, time and attention that is lavished on his girlfriends, friends and himself so they are not aware of how much he has robbed them of.

He has stepped up his antics now by leaving love notes from his third cousin whom he is having a sexual relationship with, laying around his house for them to see, thanking him for "the beautiful night, ALL nite long"!

He will not remove her photos from our family album which the kids look at, and leaves his friends cards openly posted on his fridge where the kids can read about his recent trip to Europe where his other 'lifestyle swinger friends' are encouraging and hailing him to 'fill his pants green'. His friends can hardly wait to hear his lust-filled adventures upon his return regarding how many French women he was sexual with apart from all the other women he has been sexual with here.

While away on his trip he gives my daughter his cell phone where he proudly displays all his girlfriends phone numbers. When my son finally confronted him about this he stated that these women are only friends and denies the sexual nature of his encounters with them by saying that he keeps their pictures out on display because they are only friends and that they are 'nice' to him. He denies and flaunts his drunkness, pot smoking and partying trying to make himself look like a god in their eyes.

WS will then go into shifts and go into complete denial mode and tell them that he is the innocent party through all of this. I am the one that has prevented him all these years of his rightful fullfillment of having his women. On other days flips his personality and then tells the kids he is really not doing these things with these women and has no girlfriends, all in my imagination. It's all quite mind blowing for them and they are speechless. The power he has over them is frightening.

Unfortuantely, my kids refuse to go to councelling as their pain is too overwhelming and they don't trust councilors to begin with. Prefer to handle things on thier own terms/ways.

I am totally at a loss what to do and stuck.My kids are 19 and 21--so were are out of the realm of my being able to get us all to counciling and make use of the constructive forces of help, rationale and reason.

My son is especially torn about his manhood and so confused. His father takes such an arrogant stance with him and tells him this is what real men do and act. He tells him on one day how proud he is of his share of variety of women he has had in the marriage and through the seperation. His father is so proud of all his new young multiple lust conquests which he displays as trophies. My poor son is so lost in the fog with him and not sure of himself anymore of the difference between lust relationships/love, and what real manhood is about. Being only 21 his father's life lust filled lifestyle on days seems so easy, kool, appealing and right on.

I am trying my best to fill two roles and pray that God will send him some real men in his life as mentors. Something he seriously has lacked his whole life. I unfortunately have to be take on that role which I don't to well in and do the best I can.

When my son leaves our home to be with his dad he loses himself, comes home,starts to beef up his fault finding antics with me, judges everything I do, behaves extremely arrogant,rebellious, defiant and disrepectful towards me as his father did with me, begins treating me like his personal servant. It's like he totally splits off in his personality,diconnects from reality and treats me raging contempt for my being in the grief stage, or nothing doing enough, blaming me for the breakup basically, angry that I had the audacity to expose his dad secert lifestyle.

Outraged angered our lives are not back on track, even though he knows his dad has done everything to derail us and abadoneded us.

He seems not to be able to take his anger out on his father or in other appropiate ways. On many levels he hates what his dad is doing to all of us and then when with him instantly flips over his polarities.

When his emotions surface.I seem to often be the target of his pent up rages, anger, bare the enormous brunt of his wild mood swings. His dad basically tells him he is a man and should be controlling the house and myself.

I don't know how to cope with him. It takes alot of my energies to stand up to him and days to bring him back to sanity, stability. When my son returns back to himself life goes smoothly again.

His father has left quite an incredible finacial/emotional mess trail for me to deal with which I can't clean up all the disasters at once that hit us on almost a daily basis all on my own strength. My kids seem to excuse his irresponibilities and except that I will just clean up the mess effortlessly.

WS has dumped the divorce process entirely on my lap. If I point out the reality of what he is doing my kids get so sensitive, immediately defensive at my bringing anything about his sick behaviors up and shut me down. It is so repressive they want to totally repress me, ignore their father's irresponibilties and want me to continue to make everything better and continue to be their super woman/mom again for them. I can no longer do it for them.

WS has lied so much to them and horribly manipulated them. Our family doctor has suggested to me to have my son contact Dr. Harley to get the true facts about what really happened in our marriage. My son refuses to do so but will take every word basically his father as gospel truth.

What am I missing here? Perhaps I am not facing the reality that the battle is over and they are lost. I don't understand what to do anymore. I would appreciate other perspectives as the situation is most complex.

To honor and respect my kids wishes in their not wanting to go to counciling. I have researched best I can many issues and created a self help library for them to become more educated, informed since they refuse to come to counceling and face reality of serious, severe dsyfunction of the trechery/lechery/Abuse legacy which has railroaded our home/lives.

The disentanglement process is awful and I just somedays want to move to the other side of world. I am so saddened. Some days I wish I could be a man and go face to face with their father who takes great pleasure in pride in his debaucheries and buy him a one way ticket somewhere to never return.

WS has done irrepairable damage and I can't take the traumitization anylonger or heavy combat. I wish he would let the kids go and slitter off forever but he seems to have a sick sorid investement in converting them to his dark pit.

Prayer support and strategies would be most welcomed and appreicated as I am war worn, burn out and do not have the mind of Solomon!

It's seems to such a battle for soul, mind and spirit.

I hope and pray for wisdom! I earnestly pray for the release of my children from this dark bondage and everyone else children on the site caught in the grips of this dark nightmare and valley of adultery path.
Since the kids are resisting councelling, I have spent enormous amounts of energy in researching mental health issues as a resource to help them. Their father on the other hand sends out more curve balls to reject them, ignoring being honest with them. The process of loving them back to health is a seemingly an insurmountable task. This is where I strongly feel that our computer oriented kids may benefit greatly by having a venting, support web site that they can initiate on their own initiative, in their own discretion.

Let the children be free,liberated from the oppressor!