I made a post to General Questions as well, but wanted to come here and share. Husband came to visit me last night to talk. He seemed very angry with me and told me that he didn't want the same things that I wanted. He said that he was NEVER EVER EVER going to try to salvage our marriage or come back. He says it's over.

We got in a major knock-down drag out argument. I told him that I knew he still loved me regardless of what he was saying. He didn't deny it.

However, I've set my life in stone as I was very hurt and angry after kicking him out of my home and I called and told him I knew about a couple women he had been chatting with online....both of whom he KNOWS personally from his past that are from our area. One now lives in another state, but the other does not. He'll know that the only way I'll know this is if I accessed his email/messenger and he'll be angry with me for that. That was one thing he states was why he left in the first place....the fact that I couldn't trust him.

So, I don't know what to ask you to pray for anymore...a MIRACLE would be nice. I'm just definitely sure that this marriage is over. I'm so broken and scared. I'm so hurt and confused. He had lead me to believe he wanted the same thing and was confused and scared. Now, he's saying he doesn't want the same thing at all.

It's really over.

I wish you the Peace that you deserve.

Ferbie, I was sad to read your post.

It had an almost "deja vu" quality to it, I saw so much much that was sadly familiar. I understand the pain you're feeling, it's so very hard when they are adament about not working on the marriage anymore.

My stbxh was, and still is, angry with me that I "invaded" his privacy by discovering his email correspondence with the OW. Just remember that their preceptions are so "fogged" right now, you just have to let it pass. The anger he is directing at you is really the anger he feels for himself.

I am sorry for your situation. Please take a deep breath and take care of YOU for the next few days.

This site helped me www.restorem.org

My husband said he was never coming home either. It has been three years and we are still not divorce. We do a lot together and he stays here a lot. There is always hope, it does take time.

gentle

Gentle

How in God's great name can you go for three years? I'm having anxiety attacks over four months!!! I just know and know and know that this man loves me. It hurts so bad. And as I said, I told him I knew this and he didn't deny it.

Gentle,

After 3 years, why have you both not agreed to end it? Do you have children?

ferbie,

Only by the grace of God have I made it 3 years.It has been rough but it does get better in time. I held on to Gods word and promises.I know how you feel. I knew my husband still loved me too. He would not admit to it though. I would not have learned God's word about marriage and His promises if I wasn't led to the site I gave you.

Believe me there are many days I feel like giving up.I think about it and what giving up means and them I am right back were I started...waiting.
I would have never believed I would have done ,let alone be able to do, this but God changed me and called me to take this stand. See, my family had always taught me by their actions that relationships, especially marriages ,were throw away. If you are not happy with one then get rid of them and get another. They still believe another man in my life is the answer. Of course, there is another man and His name is Jesus.

I really surprise myself at were I have been the past 3 years. The old me wouldn't have waited or trusted God.There was a time when I didn't care if my husband left or not. God has put this desire to save my marriage in my heart to bring me closier to Him. To change me.

Anything good and worth having takes work and it takes time. This doesn't go over very well with our culture. We want everything now. I was the same way. God is working on me and I am learning to trust Him.

E,

I don't talk to my husband about our marriage, relationship, or why he doesn't get the divorce. Asking causes strife and I have had enough of that. I don't give up and end it because God keeps me on this path.Our relationship has changed so much. It takes time to heal a broken relationship. There was a lot of hurt in ours. We get along great now because I haved allowed God to changed me and to get out of His way so He can work on my husband. I look at us still not being divorced and praise God for answered prayers.This is my second marriage and God has shown me that divorce is not the way to go.It had to stop with me. I don't want this past on to my daughters. We have two girls. I have two sons from my first marriage, which I ended. God has dealt with me for that decision. There hasn't been anyone else in either of our lifes.I don't look at it as being in limbo as some have said to me. I look at it as a time of changing,healing, and growing. I know this is not the world's view but, it is what God has shown me.

I didn't want the divorce and I know God is behide there not being a divorce.I don't ask my husband to come home.I don't ask him to stay here or do things with us, but he does. I try to take it one day at a time and allow God to work on me and our marriage His way. I cannot save my marriage. God can, if I allow Him and wait on Him.
I hope this answers your question.

gentle

<small>[ March 10, 2003, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

May I ask you something else Gentle?

Why did you husband leave? Mine says that I hurt him. That my mistrust and fear that I carried from my past hurt him. He said he'll never put himself through that again. He tells me he won't allow himself to come back here. It doesn't matter how he feels about me, but he won't allow himself to come back here.

That is what I'm dealing with right now. That and the fact that he's had major abandonment issues all his life....his mother left him as a young child, his ex-wife left him without warning, etc. I think he believes that our marriage won't work and that I'll end up leaving him as well. Nothing I've said or done matters to him!!!! He only wants to look at the bad.
God gave us all a free-will. He doesn't force anyone to change. I'm almost angry with God right now. I prayed and did everything I could do to save my first marriage until I had no other choice left than to file for a divorce that I never wanted. I've done the same with this marriage. I've done everything that I can possibly do. Prayers don't seem to be working. It's so hard!!

Do you truly believe that God can get hold of my DH? Do you truly believe that there is a chance that this might happen? He's not necessarily a Christian man. He began to attend church with me prior to our marriage and did raise his hands in praise and did go forth to commit his life to God, but then he hasn't done so again. He even stressed to me that no amount of praying on my part would ever bring him back home.

I did speak with him yesterday. I was scared to call, but I wanted him to have the things he'd requested from me that were rightfully his. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I didn't want him to see how mine were swollen. He wasn't mean and nasty to me. He almost acted apologetic, but never said he was sorry for anything he'd done or said the night before. I gave him a letter simply outlining my final thoughts and feelings and telling him good-bye.

I don't know where to turn from here. I feel as if I have no one. I don't even have myself anymore. I've been lost somewhere along the way.

I don't have a good church home anymore. I just don't feel I belong any place!!!

ferbie,

I hurt my husband also. Many things went wrong caused by both our experiences from the past, mostly family stuff. Things got really bad and when it all came out, he left saying I was to blame. He told me the same things your husbnad told you. He said he just didn't trust me to not hurt him again.He said he couldn't take that chance.

It takes time to heal and Jesus is the only true healer. I know God gave use the will to choose. But, God can make His children willing. There are many scriptures to back this.The bible is full of God's promises to us. Every promise comes with a condition. There is something we must do first.God allows these trails to bring us closier to Him. I am sure He allowed this to bring you and your husband closier to Him. It sounds like, just like me, you both need to be closier to Him.It also sounds like both of you were trying to find your happiness in each other. True joy comes from the Lord. If we are trying to find our joy anywhere besides in Him, He will do whatever to bring us closier to Him. This is why are relationships go bad so often even for Christians. Going to church is not what it is about, it is about a close relationship with your Lord and Savior. When we work on this relationship ,only then ,can all our other relationships be healed. This takes times.

You sound a lot like I was three years ago. There was no other women, just a lot of hurt on both sides. I have learned I was not a good wife. Yes, my husband did things too but, that is between him and God. God will direct you in the path He wants you to take, make sure you have your eyes and ears open to hear Him. Ask Him to show you the path He wants you to take for your marriage.

Please go to the web site I gave you. A lot of your questions will be answered there. Go learn God's conditions for His promises. You will find the hope you need in God's word. Like me you need help with understanding what His word says. When I cried out for God to help me understand , He sent me to that site. My life has been different ever since I started applying His principles.

If you want you can email me. There are many here that don't agree with me. It is a narrow path and few choose this path. But I wanted my marriage restored and I turned to God because with Him ALL things are possible.

I know this is why I am not divorced. My husband was going for the divorce and he wanted it quick. Things slowed down and changed when I let go of it and gave it to God. I did what God told me to do and didn't show up for pretrail. I told my husband that I wouldn't fight the divorce. I haven't been back to court since. Some would not think this is a victory, because I had to let a lot of worldly things go. We lost our home, the only one my daughters ever knew.I have learned that these "things" don't really matter. What matters is our relationship with God and all the other relationships we have with His children. Store your treasures in Heaven.I know that me not being divorced today, is a victory that only God can accomplish.You must learn to trust Him completely before you can trust or be trusted.
I also felt like I didn't belong anywhere.I know I belong where God wants me today.

tpatter4@aol.com

gentle

<small>[ March 10, 2003, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>