Dear, dear Pat,

I read your most recent post and my heart truly goes out to you. I'm in a very similiar situation with my FIL's. My stbxh wants everything else to stay the same, exactly, just without me and her in my place. And my in-laws of 29 years (in two weeks it's my 29th anniversary <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> )are completely supportive. After knowing he's had multiple A's. After being their "daughter" for all those years. The hurt is beyond words, and the best thing is to try and not dwell on it. But you have to wonder-is anyone really what they say and seem??

Sometimes it seems that my stbxh will not rest until he has caused me sufficent pain for his sins. Does that sound screwy??

Anyway, kiddo, hang in there. There are more of us feeling this same fresh pain then you know.

Dear broken...

Your situation does sound so very similar. I wonder how they can just be accepting of this whole situation.

I have also heard that my ex inlaws have been complaining that they don't have as much contact with my kids....well duh???? What did they expect? I don't understand what they expect from me. I guess nothing....they just want my kids. It is hard. I think I am making a little progress--and wham...you get hit in the head with something else.

I am so sick of all of this. This isn't what I wanted from my life. How are you supposed to act--I know they want me to act like this was no big deal. They don't want me to be angry, in fact, I get the impression that they want me to be happy go lucky. I guess they don't realize how devastating this is. Maybe only people who have been through it know the depth of the pain. I am amazed!!!

<small>[ March 17, 2003, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</small>

Prepare to continue being amazed!!!

My daughter was visiting her grandparents (my 22 y/o) and tried to talk to her abit about my stbxh and how hurt and disappointed she was in her father.

My MIL replied, "Oh please, people have affairs all the time!!"

This from a woman married over 50 years. So how would she have reacted to her H leaving her for the OW?? Somehow, I do believe, we are a few of the truly sane people left. Either that or I missed something somewhere!

Enablers. That's what they are. They would rather keep their son (in some cases daughter) than show support for the family staying together.

Remember this, the WS always has reasons for why they had to cheat. There is always blame. Always. Plus blood is thicker than water. Remember that. That is why they are called in laws. In many cases, such as ours, they are relatives in law only. In law. I believe we should call them also wayward Out laws. ...WOL.

Or we could create a whole new name for them and use anacronym AWOL--Adulterysupporting Wayward Out Laws.

Personally, I've never known an IL who was supportive of their dil or sil when they were victims of adultery as we have been. Think they must feel thatit part of their problem as their children committed it. I firsthand know my MIL and FIL both supportive and enabling b/c FILhas repeatedly cheated on MIL and brazenly. Let's just call them the AWOL's.

That is really a sad comment, isn't it? I think people eventually accept adultery also...they just have no idea how horrible it is to the family left behind.

It is a shame our society is no longer a moral society...people don't even blink an eye about it anymore.

Well, have to run to piano lessons and then on to basketball. Wonder what bimbo and bimbette will wear to the game tonight. They have been wearing matching shirts to all of the kids' events--pretty humerous really!!!! Take care Pat

<small>[ March 17, 2003, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</small>

dear notpeachyinga,

That was great....I love it AWOL...Thank you for the chuckle...I needed one today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

AWOLS. I really like that. Peach, you have such a quick wit. You would be a blast to go out partying with....yes, even at my advanced age, I can party with the best of them!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love my children and I would do anything for them, but support adultery?? I just couldn't do that. If they had bad problems with their marriage, I could support separation, counseling and if no other alternative, divorce...but there is NO excuse for adultery, no matter what creative ideas the WS "cooks" up.

Also, by the way Peach, my MC also referred to my WH and the OW as acting like "two hormonally driven teenagers"...we all know how long THAT lasts in the real world!

MnM, it's so tough I know. We don't deserve this much pain from the people who have made up much of our lives. But if you believe nothing else, believe this: What goes around, comes around. I've seen it time and time again. And just the fact that you can say hey, I've got lessons and a game to go to shows where your priorities are and where your life is centered. Hold your head high girl. And when you see them in their "cute" little matching shirts, remember to think....hormonally driven teenagers... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was reading my Bible this morning and Psalm 5 just kind of jumped out at me. Maybe it will help you too. Blessings, take care and have a good evening.

Hi Misery, Peachy, Daybreak, broken, widgett and anyone else I missed, all of us in same situation, at different stages. I just wanted to chime in.

My awol has called my house exactly 2xs since october...once to wish son HBD and once to wish D HBD...she has not called to ask how me or children are doing, she has not called and asked children to visit her, and the couple of times my children made attempts to see her..either she didnt wan them to come..or she went on ond on about how happy her son is and how they should forgive their father.

Blames everything on me..though 95% of our problems were from drug nd alcohol addictions, they never wanted to hear about it when I went to them for help many times in the 26 years we were married.

It "wasnt their business" and refused to believe there was a problem..I was a nag about h'S drinking. I was the cause of any problems even though they allowed my H to become drunk (and thought it funny) when he was only 5 years old and the abuse and the turning of the head, shutting the eyes and the blinders on continued the rest of husbands life. Bailed him out of trouble time and again. and when he had car impounded because of drugs, that was my fault too.

at least in my case..so far..Husband knows there will be no acceptance of OW in my childrens life. He hasnt asked them to meet her and he knows that if he did, the minute bit of contact he has with my children would rapidly diminish to zero...nothing. As it stands right now, there isnt much contact..only when they are forced to see him.`I dont know how he can live with himself after doing this to not just me, but the kids as well.

and on the other hand. I have had a couple of dates..nothing serious, but my kids are happy that I am moving on, and they have said when I am ready to introduce them to anyone, they would be happy for me..they know I have made good decisions in this whole situation and have done my best..and they want me happy.

I have to sa, I raised the best kids I possibly could, Im proud of them, and I know God is happy with the way we are living our lives.

It hurts tat I have no family, and my married family of 26 years wants nothing to do with me or kids...but God will deal with that in his own time..in his own way.

thanks for listening..God bless you all. Keep your chin up and your eyes on God
\
Love,
Dawn

Hi everyone,

MY FIL & MIL have passed away (MIL's funeral is where I met OW2 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ) but I feel so blessed for having the 4 BIL's that I do. They have been in touch with me, trying to help out where possible. They told me that I will always be family and that was one of FIL's last wishes, to keep the family together. BIL even said "I love you". I cried when he said that to me. Before some things really came to light with WH, I was very sad that I might loose WH's family which seems to be the norm here. WH has a great family and I truley like all of his brothers and thier wives.

I can only imagine how much it would hurt. But something tells me that when X's & OW crash and burn that it might be pretty interesting to observe!

God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannnot change Everone one and everything else The courage to change the things that I can Only me and my attitudeAnd the wisdom to know the difference Ah, that wisdom thing

Blessings,

D