searching
regarding the financial thing, it's not the main reason I guess. I think it started when she realized that there are better men out there, she used to say "no other women would like you". Anyway, I am no good in her mind. That hurts of course. But I can't really blame her, because it's the truth, she's just speaking her mind. I don't do a lot of things better than other people. Not making top money was only one of my shortcomings, I am perhaps just at 75% of the top earnings in my field.
~~~~~~~

now i have to reply to this statement. my best friends wife tells him the same thing,,, as well as * no one else would ever WANT you*
*you arent attractive *

she even dared him to go to a bar with her and see who got picked up first Geeeez!

but i tell you this for a reason,,

he is now clinically depressed. yep it happens when you are told you are no good for long enuff <especially by a wife>

get help! get better! 99% of depression is treatable , you need to know that you have been beaten down, and get back UP!

this stuff is mental abuse, and you need to stop listening , for your own sanity!

keep us posted.

searching...

also you can do a search on clinical depression , there are LOTS of good sites put up by medical schools and psyhciatrists. they list symptoms <which you will recognize in your self> and also many list potential drugs for treatmants and their known or possible side effects.

some have side effects like dry mouth, or sleeplessness but not for everyone. it also takes time for the meds to work, so give it time. and its possible the first drug you try wont be the right one.

in your present state of mind you just arent going to see the good in anything...

please get help , and please stay around so we can see you getting better:)

I don't think I should write anymore, who wants to read groaning and moaning from a grumpy old man anyway ? it's getting boring just like my life.

just have a couple of things to respond to soulmate :

I don't think what she said was as bad as "mental abuse", maybe it was, I don't know. in any case, she's mostly just telling the facts, I mean, I am not nearly as handsome as Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson or whoever; I am not as rich as Bill Gates or many other people; and a lot of other things I don't do well too. The things I do ok-so-so don't do her any good. So, I am the one to blame. And I can't get any better no matter how hard I try. There's no solution to this problem.

I started this thread thinking perhaps a divorce might improve things. But so far, I still have doubts about it. Staying in current state is not good I know, but I also don't see any hope in the life after divorce.... sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

searching...

i hope you peek back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't think what she said was as bad as "mental abuse", maybe it was, I don't know. in any case, she's mostly just telling the facts, I mean, I am not nearly as handsome as Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson or whoever; I am not as rich as Bill Gates or many other people; and a lot of other things I don't do well too. The things I do ok-so-so don't do her any good. So, I am the one to blame. And I can't get any better no matter how hard I try. There's no solution to this problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
those are HER truths not yours, who is as handsome as a movie star? is she? who has bill gates wealth, NO one but him.

all of us have faults and flaws and still see ourselves as worth while human beings worthy of love..

you can NOT be compared to anyone else ..why? because only YOU can look like you, dream like you, and be YOU. its simply not fair to compare.

we are not bored, we would like to see you get some help...for YOU, and then you can mebbe look for some couples counceling? she sounds like she needs it as badly as you do...ya think?

for crying out loud searching, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so unless you are the hunchback of notre dame, I am sure you look just fine (and if you are fat/soft....get to the GYM). As for bill gates NO ONE is as rich as bill gates, he is the richest man in the WORLD!!!!!!!!

You probably are "richer" than at least a couple billion people on this planet. Guy, you are depressed, you should understand that at this point, and know what to do about it...

TAKE THAT FIRST STEP NOW....which would probably be going to a doc for a checkup and some short term medication....then getting to a GOOD crisis center and start talking with people who can help.

I finally got a prescription for the "happy drug". The Doc gave me Zoloft, something like Prozak but with different side-effects.

Anybody tried Zoloft before ? I am curious how this drug works.

I agree with the others.
You don't sound well at all.
You sound beat down. Do you feel trapped?
Not to sound flip, do you have any interests?
Do you have a church? Do you have a pastor you can talk to?
I'm glad you are reaching out. You haven't disappeared completely.

Aly

Interesting questions.

I finally got a vacation, time off from work, that's why I went to get a prescription. This Zoloaf is making me dizzy. My head spins. Maybe the chemical is doing its thing.

Do I feel trapped ? yes and no. I feel there's no way out, any change won't bring a better life to me. I am just accepting my fate. There's no hope anyway. I guess that's same as being trapped ? but somehow I don't feel trapped. I am just accepting it, not trying to change or fight against anything, it's rather peaceful.

I have some interests. ball games, computer games and many other stuff, oh yeah, I am interested in Sex too! how could I forget that ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> on the other hand, it gets bored quickly when you don't have a loved one to play with, to enjoy it together (especially true when it comes to the Sex :-). so, yea, I am trying to enjoy doing my interests, but sometimes I don't know how long will it last. Maybe someday I'll feel so sad and give up my interests altogether, it has happened before; but interests are kinda like addiction, you come back to it when you feel better.

I don't have church nor pastor. I don't believe in any religion. sorry. no offence to religious people.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Aly:
<strong>I agree with the others.
You don't sound well at all.
You sound beat down. Do you feel trapped?
Not to sound flip, do you have any interests?
Do you have a church? Do you have a pastor you can talk to?
I'm glad you are reaching out. You haven't disappeared completely.

Aly</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Louser,
I know what it's like to be married to a Narcisist. I am married to one as well.
No empathy.
I know how you are feeling right now. I've been there. How do reason with someone who is so unreasonable. It's all about him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I know the drill.
Please, believe me, you will get past this. I know your flaming mad right now. It's so unfair. What goes around comes around.
Try to pray for him. I know it sounds crazy.
The Holy Spirit will works wonders. Let God be the one to punish. He does a much better job than any of us could. I've lived this for the last few years. I know it's true. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Searching,
What an interesting name you have chosen.
Do you know what you are looking for?
To me, you sound like someone who get's board easily.
It's too bad you don't have the Lord in your heart. He would give you lots to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He would fill that empty space in you.
Believe me, I'm not some religious freak who goes around preaching to everyone. I just know by own experience how the Holy Spirit can come in to us and lift us up. Words can't discribe.
I know I've survived everything my husband has put me through because of this. I am NEVER alone.
I will continue to pray that your heart will open and you will be blessed with what I have. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Aly