Sue; thanks for your feedback I appreciate your patient reply.Everything you said makes sense but I still feel "captured", without choices. I know, wait, wait but the resentment still follows me around like a black cloud. I'm doing this for my daughter's sake not my husband, who insists he's changed. He loves me, I'm his life, he can't live without me-he says. Even though I am told not to bring up the past, to start NEW, I can't seem to leave it behind. 18 yrs of verbal abuse is pretty difficult to forget! Especially now, when I have to resign myself to actually spending one on one time with this mean spirited self-absorbed mate. I was so looking forward to MY time, peace, quite, a chance to heal. *sigh* I'm whinning, sorry but I feel like I'm once again placing my best interests on the back burner. We'll see I guess, I just have to pray real hard for acceptance. What a test!