I just got off the phone with my husband, we had an hour long conversation tonight. I'm standing firm that he's not coming home and he says he understands that now and understands why. I put it on him and kept asking him what he thinks he would do if our roles were reversed. He 'seemed' to open his heart and really talk to me tonight, sounded like he wants to find out what his demons are and why they control him. He said he wants to become healthy and come back in my life. I told him he needs to find himself and some peace and then worry about our relationship. He said I sounded like I was already prepared to live without him. I told him I most definitely want our relationship to be mended, but my mind is made up that we cannot go on like this, so what he is hearing from me for the first time is the strength to admit that we have a sick relationship and the desire to make my life better, whether that's with him or not. My heart was breaking listening to him cry, I know he's hurting badly. I wanted to tell him to come home so I could comfort him, but I know that can't happen right now. I told him instead, that if I was ready to be done with him, I would have asked him not to ever contact me again. I told him I am here to be supportive, but no longer an enabler to an unhealthy relationship. I hope he can stick to it. It's going to be a rough road for him. He says it will be hard for him to know that I am surviving without him, I reminded him that I've survived for quite some time now without him really being here for me. I want to be there for him and be supportive and reassure him that I love him, but I don't want to let him manipulate me into anything I am not ready for. He said I sounded abrubt tonight at first, I told him I think it's because I'm in 'protective' mode right now, I fear I will give in to his kind words, so I feel like I have to put a wall up between us. Setting boundaries is tough! Anyone with any advice on how they've handled these types of issues, I welcome any advice you have. thanks!

rainygirl, I hate to see no responses to a post. I remember when I was new here and really needed responses... but, can you give us more information? From reading your post, I get that your H is out of the house and you're trying to maintain boundaries, but you don't say why he's gone or why you need boundaries. Also, a helpful hint, make paragraphs, it's easier to read. Take care.