My wife and I have been having some problems lately and we decided counseling was the way to go to help save out marriage. since my wife is the one with trouble sharing feelings etc., we decided to have her find a counselor she is comfortable with and then bring me on board, since I am pretty open. Well, she found one, and the counselor suggested we see seperate counselors and live apart for a while to get some space, or something. I am totally opposed to this and am suprised at this approach to saving a marriage. Am I wrong? Is this a standard way to procede. Our problems do not involve any infidelity or abuse, just a typical growing apart type thing. Any comments?

Sounds fishy to me, but there are some separations that are considered beneficial, and there are books on the subject.<P>I'd try to have a direct talk with the counselor. Don't try to change his or her mind, but try to get the basis for this recommendation: whose work does this counselor follow? If the counselor doesn't want to work with you, I would suggest that you ask that counselor for the name of the couselor that he/she has the best rapport with. The counselors need to be communicating if therapy is to be coordinated.<P>You're in a tough spot ... suspicious that the counselor your wife picked might be tainted. However, this is no time to try to yank her away because you don't like what you're hearing. Roll with the punches, and don't antagonize this counselor. You may need to move out (or let her move out), unless you can find a good, supportable reason that shouldn't happen.

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